I was thinking about the way in which I socialize (is that a word?) and I can't figure whether this is bad or good.

I was confronted by a situation that involved me, in a way, opening up to a girl but I couldn't cope with the anxiety, so I sorta "zoned out" as I was talking (on purpose), so that I wasn't mentally there, I was basically hiding the situation from myself. Kinda hard to explain/understand, not that I wasn't cognizant of what I was saying, but I was limiting my perception.

Is this kinda weird? I mean it made talking a lot easier, but I mean it just seems like a strange thing to do, to decentralize your mental position and become a "zombie" in a way.

If it is at all relevant, I am not really much of a ladies man.

I am always very anxious and stressed about worrying what other people thing/how I come off. Like for example, in guitar concerts, I get so nervous that I can hear my heartbeat over the music, no matter how loud. Also, Is this level of stress healthy?

What should I do about this?

Nuh uh, 's okay, it's just that you get nervous when talking to people. I have that kind of problem too :3 As for zoning out, I think many people who are in the same situation as ours tend to do that too :3 So...You're perfectly normal, no worries

Wouldn't that make you kinda boring to talk to if you aren't actively thinking?

It's normal to be nervous like that. Hell I've got it worse sometimes.

I've never been like that, but then again I really don't talk too much in real life. When I talk to girls, it's usually for a reason, like they need someone to confide in or sommat. As far as the stress, no. If you're constantly being stressed out by situations in which you involve yourself, it'll never be good in the end.

That aside, don't worry so much about how you act. Changing who you are should have been as sinful as any of the original 7, because then we start to lose ourself and become this fake thing to conform to a judgement that we cannot live up to.

When you get what you want in your struggle for self
And the world makes you king for a day,
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.

For it isn't your father or mother or wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass.
The fellow whose verdict counts most in you life
Is the one staring back from the glass.

You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy.
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.

He's the fellow to please-never mind all the rest,
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.

You may fool the whole world down the pathway of years
And get pats on the back as you pass.
But your final reward will be heartache and tears
If you've cheated the man in the glass.

I'm actively thinking but I'm stopping myself from leading down certain roads of thought, so no.

1. Elaborate on the first sentence (the it'll never be good in the end)
2. How does someone "not worry how they act"
3. What are the original 7?
4. What defines what oneself even is
5. By trying to conform to what other people expect to me, I am in reality trying to conform to what I want to be, because I (for example, not all encompassing) want to be well-liked.

2. Not thinking about consequences, essentially. Or forcefully assuming that there are no consequences.
3. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_deadly_sins
4. Who you are by nature. If you removed all external expectancies made by society, how would you behave?

I can't do #1 because I'm not poison_us and I can't do #5 because it is not in form of a question. Otherwise, list complete.

I just want to comment on your "real you" issue.
Like an animal.

Also, yes, it's weird. If you want to stay like that, go ahead. If not, practice and fix yourself. Blaming everything on society is about as useful as blaming evil on Satan.

How old are you, tikels?

Quote from TiKels

Quote from poison_us

...If you're constantly being stressed out by situations in which you involve yourself, it'll never be good in the end.

That aside, don't worry so much about how you act. Changing who you are should have been as sinful as any of the original 7, because then we start to lose ourself and become this fake thing to conform to a judgement that we cannot live up to.

1. Elaborate on the first sentence (the it'll never be good in the end)
2. How does someone "not worry how they act"
3. What are the original 7?
4. What defines what oneself even is
5. By trying to conform to what other people expect to me, I am in reality trying to conform to what I want to be, because I (for example, not all encompassing) want to be well-liked.

1. Undue stress is bad. Take me for example. Remember when I was poopin blood? Yeah, caused by stress. Girl problems, but it's all better now. Your body is meant to be under stress infrequently, not nearly constantly. When you're under extreme stress, your body moves the blood from the intestines to the head and extremities. You're literally ready for fight or flight. Your body isn't meant to run on such a high level for extended periods.
2. Just act...like you. I know this kinda sounds hard, but make your barriers farther back. Make it so you can let yourself be you.
3. Fuck if I know. Stuff like gluttony and whatnot.
4. You do.
5. That's stupid, in all honesty. You should be you, whether that's well-liked or not. By making yourself something you're not, or forcing yourself to be more than you are, you cause undue stress. You simply need to be yourself, not what you want to be. If you act like who you are, then people will like you or not like you for who you are. In real life, people tend to view me as antisocial, the "odd kid", etc. And that's fine with me, because I'm happy with me. Which is a big reason that people don't like me. Besides my brutal honesty, but that's beside the point.

Essentially, to reduce stress, stop thinking of what you want to be, and simply be who you are. It's a much better way of living.

Go read Alexandre Dumas' The Count of Monte Cristo. You'll learn a lot about the human condition, love, jealousy, fear, education, faith, envy, hatred, revenge, companionship, loyalty, greed, brotherhood, snobbery and humanity. Ignorance is the cause of war and conflict, and in general, people who are well read and knowledgeable and not ignorant. It sounds to me right now that you are caught in a conflict with yourself.

Just be yourself, don't fight it, don't stress about it and don't worry about it. Life is just a ride, to quote Bill Hicks. If you're not smiling, then you're doing it wrong. Everything is okay, just be happy. If you go out into your daily life with a positive outlook and feel good about yourself, positive things will manifest themselves. Whether or not you believe in this or not is irrelevant. Being happy costs you nothing and it can happen immediately, all it requires is for you to acknowledge it.

As for your problems of anxiety when talking to the girl - this is natural. Just remain calm, take a deep breath. Maintaining eye contact is absolutely crucial in conveying human emotion. If you sort of 'zone-out' then you betray your lack of confidence and it will show in the words that you are saying. Sure, to you, it might feel easier then to say what you want to say, but will these words be the same as though you looked her in the eye and told her, from the heart, how you feel?

Edit: Sorry if that last paragraph came across as harsh. We all have our problems and worries in life, but it is best to simply acknowledge them and then go about making things better. Things are never as bad as you subjectively feel about them. So, chin up, smile (be happy), and be thankful for every little thing in your life and I can assure you that all your worries and angst will disappear.

You sounds like you're intellectualising situations where you might have to feel, you know, feelings, because you're anxious about what these feelings mean and think they could be disruptive and irrational.

If we consider Jungian psychology (which is probably BS, but is at least interesting) then your least inferior/shadow function sounds like "Fe" (extroverted feeling). The whole detaching from a social situation and zoning out into a sort of cold rational shell instead of "opening up" truly is pretty symptomatic of poorly developed Fe. Do you also have very rare times where your emotions get out of control?

It's fine - expressing your feelings isn't your strength and it's likely always to be your Achilles heel, but you will get better at it over time if you work at it, like anything.

17.
I'm pretty sure that everyone could name a time when their emotions went out of control. So YES and NO. I think like X number of years ago I got mad and lost it, but that was like the only few times.

---

Also, I am happy ;o ... I'm not like angsty like "GRR MY LIFE SUCKS RAWR WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR" naw. I'm just not a good speaker and was curious.

The well-liked thing was an example.

You all make interesting points. Not really much to say about them though, because I agree, for the most part, with all of you.

I think showing your anxiety would be better than what you're doing. It sounds very unnatural and tbh I've never heard of someone doing it (although I imagine I know several people that are doing it without me knowing or realizing). Or just tell her that you're too nervous to comfortably speak about the topic. That alone is already a form of opening up. If she's somewhat close to you (e.g. if she deserves being opened up to) she'll calm you and the conversation will be much more pleasant afterwards.

Imo what you're doing is not very healthy for your social development. You have to learn to deal with stressful situations rather trying to keep your mind from realizing it.

Oh and about "always be yourself rather than trying to be someone better". This is both true and false. It's always a good thing if you strive for being a better person (nobody is perfect) but at the same time you have to realize that's you're okay the way you are. So don't be afraid working at yourself, but don't feel stressed about it. Keep in mind when improving yourself that it's best to take one small step at a time. Things won't change over night.
Same thing for caring about other's opinion about you: You don't have to take everything they say/think deeply to heart, but giving a fuck about about everyone's opinion is just as wrong.
Generally stay away from the extremes.

Sounds like a coping mechanism. I think it sounds like you're afraid of something happening (like others stated emotions getting out of control) when you don't need to be worried. Actually, if your anxiety is so much you can't bare it, I suggest meditation, either to revel in the impermanence of human relationships or to seek guidance from a higher being (if you are religious, anyways).

If you're 17 it's OK. You will soon go to uni (hopefully), move away from the sheltered nest that is your parent's house and find yourself exploring the social spectrum much more. Through these experiences you will learn and develop your social skills. My advice would be making sure you do go to uni and that you do not stay with your parents (or friends). If you do all that and by the time you finish uni you still have these problems, you should consult someone who knows far more than the members of this community.

Dorm room ftw. It taught me how to hate my gender in new and different ways

I've zoned out while talking before, but it's always been on things I don't care about discussing. Just regurgitating information makes me feel catatonic, however your case seems different. If it's an issue of nervousness, one thing I've learned is that it becomes much easier to cope with anxiety once you turn 21.

Just so long as you don't start drooling, people won't notice, and your fine. Heck most of them seem like zombies anyway.

Haha my girlfriend gets so nervous sometimes, she can barely walk because she shakes so badly. Pretty freaking hilarious

That's mean, omginbd. If you're laughing at her while she's having anxiety attacks she probably deserves better.