search the current room for any containers exceeding five inches in any dimension;
for each container in current_room {
  var found_items;
  var collected_items;
  if (found_items.weapons > 0) {
     collected_items += collect_items(found_items.weapons);
     if (found_items.weapons includes "BR55HB SR Battle Rifle")
        alert("HOLY DICKS, THIS IS AWESOME. HEADSHOTS, HERE I COME!");
  }
  if (found_items.useful > 0)
     collected_items += collect_items(found_items.useful);
  if (found_items.armed_bombs > 0) {
     alert("OH, FUCK. I KNEW I SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE CONCERNED WHEN NUDERAIDER ASKED ABOUT SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.");
     sprint( backwards two rooms );
     return;
  }
  if (collected_items.length == 0 && container is the heaviest container in current_room)
     collect_items ( container );
}
if (collected_items.weapons > 0 || collected_items.heavy_containers > 0) {
  var blargh = collected_items.weapons.heaviest || collected_items.heavy_containers.heaviest;
  find_player( "LoTu)S" );
  alert("I've warned you time and time again... Find your own prey!");
  perform_action_with_object_on_object ( "bludgeon" , blargh , ("LoTu)S").skull );
}