A couple years ago I used to manage a local video store, and we've had all sorts of assholes and idiots come through our doors.
One night a young woman came in to complain that the volume on a DVD she rented was too low on her TV and she wanted a refund. I put the DVD into our store's DVD player to test it myself, and though the volume was a bit low, I turned up the master volume to compensate (and boy did that take a lot of effort, who knew that volume control could be soooooo difficult). She then said something to the effect of, "Yeah, well, you have a professional sound system here, so it isn't the same as my TV's." I explained how our shitty in-store system was worse than the one I have at home, and that based on the way DVDs are made, no matter what copy she tries of that particular movie, the sound will be low. As you can imagine, this simple response was too much for her brain and she got even angrier. She demanded to speak to my manager, and I was very happy to use what became my standard response soon after: "My manager? Sure, hang on... Hi, how can I help you?" It was a great success. Needless to say, I kept her money and she left unsatisfied with a blown mind.
On another evening, I had to deal with a customer who claimed a porno he bought from us (yep, we also had an "adult" section for teh pr0n) wouldn't work in his DVD player, and completely killed the mood for him "and his lady." With no one else in the store (and to some extent nothing but apathy on my part), I put the DVD in with the TVs off. Sure enough we started hearing bad techno in the background with the occasional moans. Clearly the DVD worked. He tried to claim that our $10 DVD player was just better than his Sony at home and wanted his $5 back for it. I refused, and handed him the DVD back telling him to try again. He left quietly, and every time I'd see him come back, he'd wait for other employees to help him so he could avoid me. What a swell fella.
One night I was working with a very homophobic Armenian co-worker when a very masculine transvestite walks by our open doors. He started laughing really loud (and I admit in retrospect, this tranny was pretty outrageus looking). A few seconds later, she comes back and leans up against the front doorway, cigarette in hand, staring at my co-worker. In a very deep voice, she then says, "What's wrong, baby? Never seen such a fine piece of ass before?" He almost died with laughter. She then said, "What's your name, sexy?" He gave her some generic fake name like Bob or something, and she said, "Alright, Bob. I'll be back to give you a more
intimate look." She walked off slowly, puffing away at the cigarette. My co-worker was literally on the floor laughing himself to death. We never saw her again, but man was that good. We did have a gay bar up the block, so it's not like this sort of thing was uncommon. But there's something so satisfying about watching how uncomfortable homophobes get in situations like that.
Currently Working On: My Overwatch addiction.
). She returner in her row, shouting that the customer service sucked and she just got out of the store, enraged.
