At least you haven't met and connected with a roommate of a friend in high school, far better than anyone ever before (including a girlfriend of 2 years), in the course of a weekend, and then have to leave for winter break the next Tuesday. She feels the same way I do, but I won't leave my girlfriend. Sleeping around isn't an option either, and it would be massively selfish of me to even think she wouldn't. I can't do anything about the empty.



TL;DR: I know how you feel.

You people and your silly relationships.

It's so much easier and less stressful to have not had any feelings for anyone ever.

So your basic situation is that you're feeling unrequited love toward someone who will never reciprocate, and who has indeed found other people who can emotionally (at minimum) fulfill them.

Been there.

I can tell you that it will get worse. There will be days where you feel like nothing will ever work out, nothing will be okay, days where you have this misery and you can't tell where it's coming from, and you can't fix it. You don't want to die, but you do want to not live, and so the thing you desire more than anything else is sleep -- coma. Shakespeare, in Macbeth, had a character refer to sleep as "death's counterfeit", and you will find that name quite fitting, that concept quite desirable. But you can't sleep. You have to be awake.

And there'll be the days where you just feel totally numb. Nothing can give you even the petty, cheerful, everyday happiness that people feel when winning a game or helping someone -- let alone that thing we all seek: happiness as a lasting, fulfilling emotional state. You feel bored, washed out, apathetic, gloomy, grey, dull, dead -- a corpse with a heartbeat. You don't want to do anything, nothing gives you enjoyment -- hell, even your appetite is probably nuked. You'll have moments where you just lie there, doing nothing... Maybe when the action lulls in a video game or something, you just lie there, staring, not even moving. You don't want to move, you don't want to be awake then, but you are.

And there'll be the days where you actually feel okay... Except that even though you don't feel that misery, you experience it. You know it's there -- you're seeing something invisible, hearing something inaudible, touching something intangible. You know it's waiting in the back of your brain, in the dark recesses where the light never dares to explore, lingering, waiting. You know it's there, and you know that no matter how much you do, how far you go, how long you wait, it. will. never. leave.

And your own cognition and perception of it all will fluctuate, too. There will be moments when you feel like you have no reason to be miserable -- for the person you love has found the person she loves, has found true happiness, and her mind is surely more important than yours, more precious than yours... All you want is for her to be happy, and she is, so what reason have you to be miserable? And yet you are... And then there are moments when you blame yourself: it was your incompetence, your worthlessness, your uselessness, your failure, your fault... And then there are moments when you see things for what they are: you need reciprocation, you need her to feel toward you what you feel toward her, but at the same time you know that it will never happen.

There's no pattern to it. No rhyme or reason. Your mentality will change, randomly, each shift triggered by unidentifiable factors and alterations to the circumstances of your life. You will cycle and jump throughout these mental states.

What happens after them? What happens when you're done with these symptoms, these mindsets, these mentalities?

I've yet to find out, and I suppose you do, too.

EDIT: Of course, ever since my depression began, I've been a much more melancholy person, even though it ended -- or rather, was ended by someone -- months ago. So perhaps you may manage to avoid what I have described, even though I endure it every day.

I lol'd! And then I wrote my post, and my lolz died in a fire.

David, what you're really describing is depression (which you finally mention in your edit).

I don't think DM is depressed and he probably won't become depressed. I'm glad I've never had to deal with it, though (my boyfriend is mildly bi-polar however).

As I mentioned, I've been depressed before -- to the point of suicidality, in fact. This is nowhere near that degree of misery. There are times where I suspect that this is depression, but comparing it to past experience... It can't be.

Bollocks. Just because you don't feel the same, or as bad as you did in the past, doesn't mean you're not depressed now.

But... The previous case had a cause. So far as I can tell, this one doesn't have any cause that didn't exist prior to its occurrence.

I'd recommend the use of PMs to avoid derailing the thread, but a glitch has prevented my poorly-maintained inbox from gaining space despite my deletion of a small handful of messages.

Depression doesn't always have a readily identifiable cause. You should read some books on it, they'll probably help you.

Trouble in paradise? The fact that you say that means your relationship is already on the rocks, looks like it's going to end soon.

Well thak you guys, I thought I mentioned it, but she still loves me, it's not the fact that she will be meeting someone else that makes me feel bad, it's because I know it will not work, she lives too far from me, and ecen though I knew it deeply, I didn't want to believe it, there had to be a way, somehow, that a long term relationship could live.

She may or may not have started a relationship with this guy without telling me, but I know that it pains her too, I know that she loves me, even if not as much as I do...

Thanks to those that replyed in the last page and a half, made my day to see someone took me seriously.


Oh and by the way, I was in a 2 year long relationship that ended 8 months ago, I know that this feeling will give room to just casual love, but I love her so much... I will forget her some day, but not today.

Quote from Neki

Quote from poison_us

At least you haven't met and connected with a roommate of a friend in high school, far better than anyone ever before (including a girlfriend of 2 years), in the course of a weekend, and then have to leave for winter break the next Tuesday. She feels the same way I do, but I won't leave my girlfriend. Sleeping around isn't an option either, and it would be massively selfish of me to even think she wouldn't. I can't do anything about the empty.



TL;DR: I know how you feel.

Trouble in paradise? The fact that you say that means your relationship is already on the rocks, looks like it's going to end soon.

No, my relationship with my girlfriend is perfect, but this second girl is...I don't know how to describe how it feels, it's almost like we're the same person a lot of the time. It sounds stupid, I know, but here's an example: Saturday while walking to dinner, I broke out in "I can see clearly now the rain is gone", but I changed it to "I can see clearly now the snow is gone". Not only did she start singing right as I did, but we both changed rain to snow. It had been snowing, so I guess you could explain that a word from an equally famous song could be altered by two people to the same word, simultaneously, but there are many more occurrences like this. Stuff like this has happened before with my girlfriend, but it's...different. Can't really explain it. Maybe this month apart will help to show if its just a fling attraction (which I honestly doubt very much) or if I really am caught between a rock and a hard place.

TL;DR: Time is the answer?

time to get a student visa and go to the same college she goes, stalker master.

wut???

Not to reinforce double standards or anything, but the word for that is generally whore.

Okay, could this topic be moved to light? I didn't noticed that it existed.... I am being serious and really guys you are not helping me out... I guess I asked for it but come on don't hit someone when he's down...

Love's gay, stop trying to convince yourselves that it's real, it's just another mask for you silly humans to believe there's a purpose. ;o


You can't say that when you're the downed one being hit. >.>

... How the fuck am I the first person to point this out?

No, seriously. What the fuck is your mental process? I wasn't even that naive in 1st grade.

Sounds to me like you're just desperate as hell and found a girl who's nice to you so you're calling it love.

And yeah, I'm insensitive, mean, trolled, etc.

FIrst page.

Phew.

Hell, I agree with FaZ. I was just talking on Skype with this chick I met over a year ago (and am still not in love with). Love takes time. Lust is the quick and dirty road that you're driving down, DM. But, I guess, for a self-proclaimed sex addict, that lust would be similar to love in that the sex is a drug, while this one chick would be the ultimate high? Maybe?

Re-reading the thread: It *might* work. You don't know it won't. You have a long life ahead of you, unless you let shit like this bother you. She has a crush, you said she was in love with you and you love her, chicks can be flighty, she will fuck this guy's brains out but the embers will still burn for you. One day, eventually, you can stoke the embers with your man-prod and fuel something beautiful. GG.