I set out on a godforsaken journey to defeat our enemies who we're fighting for no particular reason. On my team I have:
2x Human Legion (computers, Brown & Blue)
1x Myran Elites (computer, Purple)
1x Myran Elites (me, Yellow)

But on their team they have:
2x Human Legion (computers, Red & Orange)
2x Myran Elites (computers, White & Teal)

This is going to fail miserably, I can tell.


My diligent workers begin their noble quest. Mine, mine! This empire needs all the illegally imported gold it can get!


An Army Barracks is due to finish in, ooh....T-minus 0070 seconds or so.


Due to my relentless abuse of the give_money command in the AI script, the computer builds at a retarded rate. At this point all I have is one puny little Sword-Elite.

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/95/92731675.png (img: failed to get size)
A few minutes pass. I now have a small force of Sword-Elites and a single Defensive Tower; enough to fend off the lone Laser Troopers that are liable to wander into my territory.


The first War Mech rolls off the production lines. If you look on the minimap you can see our friend Brown has made first contact with the enemy Reds.


Pew pew pew! Lasers fly in all directions as the two forces engage each other. Sadly, I can already tell what's going to happen--Red has the height advantage.


Brown's Laser Troopers are quickly owned. A lone medic runs through the enemy base and gains valuable intel before being raped by a Flame-Trooper.


I notice there's a stream of blue on the minimap that doesn't look like water. Upon investigation I find this scene, and this is what I deduced must have happened:
* Teal decided to go fuck around with Purple.
* Blue didn't like his boyfriend Purple being harassed so he intercepts and pins Teal down, scorching his Sword-Elites with relentless laser fire.


Orange, who hasn't done anything until now, decides to punish Blue for beating up his BFF Teal. The bunkers barely manage to hold them off.


Some few minutes later, a lone Laser Trooper embarks on an epic adventure on the map before abruptly being raped by a Sword-Elite.


Brown, determined to annihilate his archenemy Red, produces several Artillery Platforms, before deciding suddenly that he instead wants to go for White, who happens to be right below me.


White's Sword-Elites are chopped down quickly before the wall of laser fire.


Brown's Artillery Platforms start owning the War Mechs from a retarded distance.


A few minutes later...
Well, so much for the Artillery Platforms.


Shortly after, I begin my own attack on White. Unfortunately, my force is halted abruptly by some ragtag Laser Troopers. Fuckers. The men quickly slice 'n' dice 'em up for dinner.


RAWR


30 seconds later, all the Sword-Elites are dead and the attack is over.


There's a random Stun Mine, out in literally the middle of nowhere.


Following the previous incursion with Teal, Blue decides to try and fuck him over. Unfortunately, his attack doesn't last very long--his men are quickly sliced up into so much expired tuna.


I finish building the first powerful unit I've managed to get a hold of--the Avenger. Except its attack speed is so shitty it takes hours for it to kill any large force.


Orange launches a second attack, again on Blue. Only this time he has artillery. Despite that, he is quickly owned. Absolutely no progress is being made my the stupid computers' random assaults on each other's anuses. Faggots.


My Avenger flies near the enemy War Mechs, suffering slight shield damage.


I've just produced my first Assassins. Pray the enemy doesn't have detectors ready.


That's an expensive tech.


While I am occupied examining the tech, my Assassins start chasing a Laser Trooper and run into the enemy artillery, complete with cannon for detection. By the time I get back to them, there is only one left. It appears, however, that he's done quite a lot--3 kills!


Now that the spell is researched, it's time to go cause some havoc. Unfortunately, there's a bug in the game that I somehow missed, and the spell flies off in a random direction, missing its target by 90 degrees.

I hate my life.


The Avenger retreats back. It has no shields and 80 health remaining.


My Thunder Striker is done. Time to go kick some enemy bu-


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK


It's interesting to note Purple has done absolutely nothing of note during this entire game. He just sits there mining precious resources away.
Someone will have to teach him a lesson.


I paid fucking 800 minerals for this piece of shit, it better be good.


If only...I'm too poor right now.


I decide to just settle for a War Immortal. It'll be done in a bit--time to launch an attack in the meantime.


My small band of Sword-Elites and Thunder Strikers approaches White. Except now I FUCKING HAVE STORM RESEARCHED BIZNITCH


Lightning storms wreak massive havoc, dealing hundreds of damage to the poor enemies that stood under it.


The entire attack force is shortly after raped when a massive wave of Sword-Elites rushes us. Ouch. This Thunder Striker is the last survivor, and he's being chased by a Sword-Elite. Unfortunately due to his minimum range he can't turn around and pop him. Faggot.


The Sword-Elite insists on pursuing my Thunder Striker, so I call my now-recharged Avenger to smite him.


The War Immortal is done now. It does pathetic damage--oh well. At least it has 16 armo-
OH GOD HE MADE A WARBOT


The War Immortal is rapidly surrounded by Sword-Elites, preventing his escape...


...And quickly gets zerged. What a fucking waste of 3k.


To make matters worse, my Avenger gets his ass launched at him in the form of a missile spray from the WarBot. He survives with 600 shields left, and still with 80 health.


I decide it's time I bring out the SRS WEAPONZZZZ


While I was occupied with the previous skirmish, my Voidcaster chased an enemy Fighter into the middle of the enemy's base.


The Voidcaster fires a single shot...


...And when I check on him 10 seconds later, is surprisingly still alive. He's trapped, though; White's base has cannons all over it.


The Voidcaster makes a break for it.


And makes it back with severely damaged hull and partially recharged shield.


WHAT THE FUCK
WHERE'S MY GOD DAMN CAPITAL SHI-


The Capital Ship sprays the WarBot with retardedly inaccurate missiles, and gradually kills it, losing all its shields and 1000 hp in the process. Great.
Also, I've finally scraped up the 6300/6300 needed to summon an Aetherweaver. However, when I go to build it:


FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK


One of Teal's War Mechs approaches Purple. It's the only thing any of the computers have done in the past 5 minutes--I think they're locked out or something.


Finally. It's taking ages though...


WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING


The site of the Avenger's death. Apparently he chased a transport down and it fled back to its base, bringing the Avenger to its doom.


Closer..closer...


With the Aetherweaver nearly complete, I send out my Capital Ship on a suicide mission. Upon arrival he immediately fires and misses all 6 missiles in his spray.


With 400 hp left, the Capital Ship engages the Defensive Tower.


Heh.


LET OUR ENEMIES BE PURGED


I send the Aetherweaver at White, my longstanding enemy. Unlike the Capital Ship, upon arrival the Aetherweaver proceeds by annihilating a War Mech...


...as well as several Sword-Elites.


The Aetherweaver continues its rampage, randomly procing its special attack for even more havoc.


In seconds it razes down the mighty 6,400 HP Headquarters. Sadly though, it's only White's outpost.


I order the Aetherweaver right into the heart of the enemy's base, where it proceeds to proc its special attack three times in a row, resulting in massive flaming shit going everywhere.


While this is happening, Red drops in a WarBot into Brown's base, where it immediately meets an opposing WarBot.


I check back on the Aetherweaver. At this point he's completely owned all unit opposition; all that remains is to finish off the buildings.


Poor Artillery Platform.


Throughout its massive killing spree, the Aetherweaver has suffered over 9,700 damage, reducing it down to 0/6400 shield and some 3,000/6400 HP or so. I begin to build more Shield Rechargers in anticipation of the massive amount of energy the Aetherweaver will require to recharge its shield.


All that remains of White now is charred rubble and sticks.
"teh aetherweevar wuz heer"

http://img135.imageshack.us/img135/4717/23083576.png (img: failed to get size)
After an excruciatingly long shield recharge, and after sucking the energy out of every Shield Recharger I have, he's still not at full shield. It'll have to do then.


LOL SECOND AETHERWEAVER


I check on my allies. It seems Red and Orange are using their true power now and deploying Imperial Flagships at Brown.


Hi there, Orange. I sincerely hope you weren't attracted to those Laser Troopers, or that WarBot.


Initiate special...


Probably wasn't a good idea for Orange to move the WarBot next to my Aetherweaver.


After procing one special, the WarBot's hull is reduced to so much charred rubber.


An Imperial Flagship joins in the conflict. Yeah...no.


OH GOD MY BASE!!!


..Except my new Aetherweaver just rolled off the production line!


AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA
YOU CANNOT STOP MY TEAM OF GODLIKE AETHERWEAVERS


I decide to wipe out Red first. This is for my 3 cannons, faggot.


The two Aetherweavers proc their special several times, reducing the Command Station to rubble in mere seconds.


There goes the Laser-Troopers.


After around 15 specials, Red's base is no more.


UR WARBOTZ BE NO MATCH
FOR MAH FUCKIN AETHERWEAVERS


Red's last building.

And that's more or less game. At this point the game crashed unexpectedly, but the only person left was Teal anyway.