Equip your CELL PHONE and call 9-1-1 again.

You have been reported to the DEAN of the school, BRAD HAMMER, who seems to be PISSED OFF at everyone and anyone that crosses his path. He expects to see you in his office first thing MONDAY morning, at NINE AM to discuss your recent behavior.

It is now TWO THIRTY PM.

Call your mom and tell her happy birthday. Then change the subject and tell her about your problems. Maybe she can give good advices.

You call your MOM, nearly in tears from all the stress of the day. Between sobs you wish her happy birthday, to which she replies - somewhat awkwardly - that her birthday was two months ago when you were home for break. You begin crying uncontrollably, telling her about your MEETING with DEAN HAMMER on MONDAY, the SUSPICIOUS ERASERS, and even that you meant to go see PROFESSOR JOHNSON before THREE PM. Your MOM, misunderstanding the importance of the SUSPICIOUS ERASERS, assumes that you need to go see PROFESSOR JOHNSON about an assignment. Your MOM tells you that you should hurry to go see PROFESSOR JOHNSON, offers you lots of LOVE, and then HANGS UP.

Go to see PROFESSOR JOHNSON. Equip ASIA IN THE 19th CENTURY in your strife specibus.

>Strife Specibus not recognized.

You proceed to PROFESSOR LUCY JOHNSON's OFFICE, ignoring all distractions on the quad. You arrive outside her office at 2:50 PM. She is at her DESK, grading PAPERS. She doesn't notice you at first. A matter of fact, you have never had her as a professor, nor have you ever needed to take a psychology class. the TRACK on your MP3 PLAYER has ended. You are feeling ENRAGED again, and are starting to second guess talking to her.

Dance.

Equip ASIA IN THE 19th CENTURY and threaten to attack her in a fit of rage.

God damnit Devlin.

<beep beep bzz> DIARY MODE ACTIVATED.
- I play Come to Daddy - Aphex Twin with the MP3 Player.
- After that, I put the SUSPICIOUS ERASERS on the professor's table, explains their effects on me and DEUC, and asks her what I should do.

You begin to DANCE. Surprisingly, your ENRAGED level decreases, and you are once again MILDLY UPSET. Your lack of SWAGGER allows you to dance without looking like a jerk, and your CONFIDENCE level is temporarily bolstered two points for the duration of your dance. PROFESSOR LUCY JOHNSON is amused by your dance but tries not to stare. Finally, she clears her throat. "Can I help you?"

Say "no".

Take the eraser, put it in the garbage, find a janitor, tell him to get rid of everything in that garbage as fast as possible. End of the eraser's story. Now, find somewhere to buy an ice cream and enjoy it.

>EQUIP CASH from WALLET
>GIVE CASH to PROFESSOR LUCY JOHNSON
>WINK at PROFESSOR LUCY JOHNSON

My name is Tony, and I like to dance. Are my fancy feet moves putting you in a trance?

This.

You see a JANITOR behind you in the HALL. You approach the JANITOR and throw the SUSPICIOUS ERASERS as fast as possible into his trash can. Surely that is the end of that. You are now back to your typical ALERT state. You head off to the the STUDENT UNION in search of DINNER and some CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. Outside the CAF, located in the basement of the STUDENT UNION, you run into DEUC that asks you about the SUSPICIOUS ERASERS. You explain the incidents since the LIBRARY. He says he's disappointed in you for calling EMERGENCY PERSONNEL, but that its alright because he totally had a QUICKIE with the DAMSEL IN DISTRESS.

You proceed into the CAF. It would appear that most students are AGITATED.

- I stand on a table and shout "Whoever can say the name of a type of gun used in the Vietnam War gets ten bucks."

Input format incorrect? Non-caps?

The students stare at you and laugh. A JOKESTER in the back makes a quip about your mom, thoroughly embarrassing you. You gain one RTARD point. DEUC scowls and pulls you off the table. "Do I need to get your food too?" he asks sarcastically.




Yea, I probably should have thrown it out. I'm not that picky.

>make the same quip about DEUC's MOM

- I buy a box of orange juice and squirt it into JOKESTER's eyes, then say "How about tasting a little acid in your eyes, motherfucker?"