If its happened before, it'll happen again.

There is something wrong with her...it sounds like an insecurity issue, in my opinion. So you can either accept her for this and risk further and larger heartbreak later, or you can dump her now and leave her to her own devices.

This is not an easy situation. That it has happened several times before should tell you that.

Quote from DT_Battlekruser

Given the number of times this has happened in the past, it does seem like she thinks there's something missing between you two.

Quote from FatalException

If this is the third time she's done this, odds are that she won't change.

Quote from Norm

P.S. 3 years of that? man... I have a hard time putting up with mine for 3 years and she doesn't even do that kind of shit lol...

Quote from Fire_Kame

If its happened before, it'll happen again.
This is not an easy situation. That it has happened several times before should tell you that.

All of these. First time should've been "ok, something's up." Second, "Hmmm, maybe she's not really that into me." And third...well, it should've been pretty damn obvious. The girl has others in mind. I know it's hard, but it's for the best. If you've really considered being married to her, that really, really sucks. Marriage won't change anything about her with other people, it'll only change a) how much it hurts you when you finally do split, and b) how much stuff she gets. I know this sounds bad, but when this crap happens, you gotta think about what you want.

So, what's the news? It should've happened by now, either way. Hopefully he got the computer

I've mostly skimmed the thread, but I would definitely move on.

Sounds like this relationship has truly been more of a convenience for you than anything else (you shouldn't be annoyed at having to tell your partner where you're going, or feel like you're spending all of your money on them) and that you're still in it because it's easier staying in it than it is breaking up.

I was in a relationship for 5 1/2 years, and around the 3 to 3 1/2 year mark I really wasn't happy with how things were going, but I kept on with it. I really wish I hadn't.

Sometimes it's the best thing to do. I've been in about 4 relationships and in only one of them do I look back and wonder what would've happened if we didn't leave each other. Also, I haven't gone out for more than 8 months with the same woman. Why? I'm a very straight forward guy who won't put up with no shit from nobody, especially in a relationship which are supposed to be about having a good time with your partner.

First relationship we just started losing contact. She lived far from campus and had some weird working schedule that made it real hard to compliment with my schedule. Why we left each other? We really weren't willing to have a talk over the phone and see each other every now a then kind of relation. It was really going to be a waste of time.

Second was the big one. I really loved this girl and I would consider her as near perfect as someone could get. She had the looks, personality, interests and pretty much everything I could hope for. We took our own summer courses that one summer, each of us had a hard class that demanded a lot of time, so we didn't have as much time as we would've liked to. I was studying pretty much all day with a female friend of mine who also runs Track & Field, she is like a sister to me, so nothing was going to happen. Problem was that my partner got really jealous, to the point where she didn't even want to meet my friend or anything. She'd only want to see me at her apartment out of fear that I might invite my friend or run into her. Problem is we started arguing a lot and in one heated argument decided that to be fighting all the time it's better to leave each other and get on with our lives. We still talk now and then and both of us always wonder what could have become of the relationship.

Third one was flat out crazy. After about 2 months she asked me if I would be willing to have a child with her. She kept insisting. The rest is pretty obvious.

Last one I have no clue how to categorize. I'd categorize her as a "Jíbara que no acepta lo que es" which could be translated as farm girl that doesn't accept what she is. Thing is she kept insisting that she was a city girl but she was born and raised in a very rural area. Here in Puerto Rico, there is a very big difference between people from the Metro area and those from the rural areas. She wanted me to treat her like a city girl, but made it impossible. A city girl is usually willing to do half the work. What I mean is that she will take the man out, she'll call him and buy him stuff once in a while. A rural girl, you have to always take her out, go to her house and pick her up, buy her things and such -- much more conservative is a way to put it. Anyways, she made it really hard on me. She expected me to treat like I would treat any other city girl, but then argued with me because I didn't do things which would be more orientated towards a rural-girl. It was a big complicated mess and we just stopped talking to each other.


Thing to learn about is don't be afraid to do what you feel you have to do. Just because you've been in a relationship for almost 3 years doesn't mean that you're committed to her, that's when marriage comes in. If you feel it won't work out, then end it. The idea of everything is to have fun and a good time. If you aren't having any of those two, then why are you in a relationship. An unhappy relationship isn't worth it. If you and her can fix it, then go ahead, if not, it could be time to move on.

EDIT: Damn my English sucks.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Jun 13 2010, 5:50 am by BeeR_KeG.

So where do you guys meet these chicks? At least I have the carbon copied, stereotypical "he was a jerk to me" story for anyone I've dated.

...except the current guy. Obviously.

Well, the really bad ones I've dealt with were the earliest (in particular my son's mom). I lacked the confidence to even approach or consistently pursue the more (hypothetically) "healthy" girls. I just sort of took what I could get back then, and paid dearly for it in many ways. Indeed, the girl willing to fuck the 16-year old DBZ nerd will probably fuck plenty of other folks as well. Nowadays, I'm much pickier and much more aggressive. When you raise your standards, then the quality tends to go up. I think more often than not, I'm the "bad one" in my more recent relationships. I've refused to be in a committed relationship for a few years now (and, sometimes, when I actually want to be the girl isn't willing to take that step :'( ).

To amend my terse "dump her" statement, I want to reassure you that there will be other girls. Better ones. It's hard to really grasp that when you're young, but trust me, life will afford you plenty of other opportunities if you keep your line cast.

She is trying to have her cake and eat it. Don't let her.

You'll probably feel better if you dump her rather than the other way around.

Here's what happened as soon as she got home.

I had actually fallen asleep, and it was around 2:45 pm when she arrived home. I woke up when I felt someone jump on top of me...
She had hugged me, and was crying. She kept repeating that she was sorry, and that she made a horrible mistake of trying to tear us apart. She told me that at work, she didn't work at all, she spent most of her time in the bathroom and the break room crying. It was proven to be true when I went to work last night, and everyone asked me what I had done to her...

I let her rest on top of me for a while, and we just stayed there until she stopped crying. She admitted to having lost feelings for me because of an argument that had gotten out of control. I didn't hit her, never SEN. I only held her, she tends to walk away from me when we argue. She says it reminds her of her home, where everyone fought. Her family is awful, I hate the atmosphere at her house. It's like everyone seriously hates each other. They don't want to share what they buy either, sometimes hiding stuff like sodas or chips... and arguing when they find someone ate their cherished food.

Anyways, she never expected me to act that way. Since then, we didn't talk as much, and this guy happened to be talking to her at the same time. In psychology class I learned that if two people are going through some sort of emotion changing experience, like crossing a bridge which has some of the most beautiful scenery. If you happen to spot someone coming in the opposite direction, and you think she/he is cute, your feelings for that person will be more intense if it were only a regular bridge, with no such scenery. Except that nothing here was beautiful.

She had purposely let the phone, and the pics/messages in the phone for me to find, just so I could be mad. She must have hated me with a passion...

She only wanted me to change, and I had a serious talk with her after this. If you want to hurt someone, it shouldn't be your spouse, and especially in such manners. I told her that the only solution for us is to talk, and continue talking until everything is sorted out. We talked... for maybe 7 hours. Catching up on everything. Then we talked about the current going ons. How she loves what she's doing at school (She's going for a certificate in Medical Assistant.)

It was nearly time for me to go to work, and she did something that really infuriated me. She grabbed the phone, and called the dude. She told me to sit and listen. She proceeded to telling the guy that what happened between them was nothing. She was just confused what was going in her life, and she went things about in the wrong way.
He sounded a little bit shocked, and I hated hearing him talk to her, he told her it was fine, and that they should still be friends. She only said sorry, but it was all over, and hung up.
Idk sen, call me a fool, but I guess I fell for her trap.
In my head, things don't feel the same though. What she did might have been some game to her, but to me, it really hurt. If I had plans to marry her before, they have only been stalled. My trust for her has pretty much diminished at this point, and it will take a long time to regain.

I might be back in a month, when we get in an argument again, and she decides to leave me again. idk sen, I need a drink n stuff.

Ugh, me being the altruistic little bitch I am, would say stick with it and see how it goes.

If you want it to work your going to have to almost blindly trust her bro. Truth. It doesn't help if your spiteful or if your afraid of getting hurt.

Off topic but we should have a '(man/)whore stories' thread.

I dunno man, sounds similar to this girl who jerked me around for a while. Now, I don't know your girl, and you've been with her far longer than I was with the girl who jerked me around (bout 6 weeks), but when it happened with me the girl would boldly lie about shit, and if caught in another lie she'd stack lies and it was just a super pain in the ass to deal with. When I ended it, I found out she had been cheating on me with like.. several dudes. And I wasn't even the main one! And she continued making up lies the whole time. It's like she actually believed what she was saying.

How long ago did the whole argument thing happen? Cause, honestly, that sounds like total bull shit to me. She says she left her phone out intentionally for you to find, but she jolted up worried about you finding it when you actually came home? Doesn't add up to me. I'd say what she did at work was formulate a lie. But, hey, I'm cynical.

Quote

She only wanted me to change, and I had a serious talk with her after this. If you want to hurt someone, it shouldn't be your spouse, and especially in such manners. I told her that the only solution for us is to talk, and continue talking until everything is sorted out.

This sounds ridiculous. Is she your spouse or your child? Seems like you're teaching her how to behave properly. Good luck, what ever you decide to do.

I think she's playing you like a fiddle. Let's look at the facts here:

a) This wasn't the first time this has happened; it was the third time it has happened.
b) She doesn't listen to you when you argue. If someone walks off during arguments, especially if they didn't do so in the past, then it's a bad sign.
c) She admitted to manipulating you with the phone stuff.
d) She saw somebody else to exact some kind of revenge upon you.

What can we infer from these facts?

Importantly, it would appear that this girl has little respect for you. She doesn't even respect you enough to listen to what you have to say when you argue. Sure, she might be afraid of confrontation but if she cared enough she'd not walk away from "discussions". You've known each other for years and been together for a few of them. In this time she has deceived you quite seriously on at least three occasions. To allow her to cheat (and I do consider what she did as cheating) is very weak and she will take advantage of it repeatedly as she has demonstrated in the past, as you are diminishing her respect for you by taking shit from her. I would also argue that if you continue to allow this to happen then you will lose respect for yourself.

I don't need to mention that she has been incredibly manipulative by deliberately allowing you to see the evidence of her deceit to get a rise out of you, as it should be patently obvious. And now that she's come to you crying she's trying to manipulate you again - as I said before she is trying to have her cake and eat it. You need to draw the line somewhere or you are going to be hurting in the long run, big time.

She's had enough chances. Man up and get rid of her, or at least tell her it's time to shape up or ship out. Yes, it will be incredibly difficult, but nobody ever claimed life was easy. Take control of the situation and show some strength of character. I don't mean to cause any distress by being harsh - I just want you to understand how I see this scenario.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Jun 13 2010, 8:38 pm by CaptainWill.

Get away from that bitch. It sounds cold, but you should really do your best to avoid those with really unstable childhoods. She has no concept of appropriate coping (i.e., crying all day at work or dragging both you and the other guy into an awkward scene - a "healthier" person wouldn't do either of those things). She's done this kind of shit before. I know you feel like you can help her. This is how those "good girls" that date "bad boys" feel. But people don't change. They get older, they get better at hiding how fucked up they are, but at the end of the day, people stay the same.

Way to let the female win. You will pay dearly for your mistake at a later date.

This is generally sound advice. Never get into a long-term relationship with someone from a rough background.

Ouch. That's kinda harsh, wouldn't you say? "If you were born in the ghetto, don't even talk to me. I've got no time for your kind."

Yes it is harsh. However you must protect yourself or you'll end up getting hurt.

I should probably have added "Unless you've known them a while and you're sure they don't have any crippling emotional baggage." Usually you can tell very quickly but sometimes people hide it really well until it suddenly explodes all over you during a relationship.

I think we had something similar once. I remember IP telling us a story of being over at his friend's house LAN partying their 360s. Ip was in one room, and his friend in another. IP was getting head from his friend's sister, and he walked in on them. That's the only story I remember.



This whole argument only lasted one day. Starting that morning when I came home from work.
About her jolting, she could have been waiting for me to pick up the phone. I dunno.

She totally acts like a little girl. She likes to be cute, and tries to sweet talk herself into a lot of things. If you see the Terminator movies, and how Arnold always looks pissed, well that's me. I have a serious face no matter what, and that's because I'm always serious irl.

Quote from CaptainWill

She's had enough chances. Man up and get rid of her, or at least tell her it's time to shape up or ship out. Yes, it will be incredibly difficult, but nobody ever claimed life was easy. Take control of the situation and show some strength of character. I don't mean to cause any distress by being harsh - I just want you to understand how I see this scenario.

This right here is what I'm going to do. I need to build up character, and man up. She needs to know what she's doing is way out of hand. If she's serious about what we've managed to create, then she'll care for it enough to not destroy it.

Thinking about it, we've lost a lot of contact. Yes, we might work at the same company, but it's different shifts. She is only home after work for 45 minutes, then she has to go to school, which is also full time. She comes home, and I'm already at work. She only gets 4 hours of sleep every day, then she has to wake up to go to work, which are 10 hour shifts.

I'm going to have to take her out to where we had our first date and remind her what we had planned out for ourselves as new couples.



She lives with me at my parents house, and my parents know what she went through. My parents try to be the parents she never had. On our High School graduation, her parents didn't show up. Not even her brothers, the only people she had there were my parents, who rooted for both of us.

The following year, her sister graduated, and her parent's were there, her brother's, and a few uncles. The reason her family hates her is because she was an "accident." Her mom was drunk, and cheated on her husband, and ended up getting pregnant. Oh shit wait, they both cheat. hmm.

When we would go visit her parent's house, they always called her fat and ugly. She only weighs 120, and her sister is not as pretty. They then have the nerve to ask us for money.

The day my gf moved out to my house, her parents came over to my house yelling. They speak a different language, so I didn't know what they wanted. My gf said that her mom was demanding my gf give her all the money her mom wasted trying to raise her. You know... food expenses, rent, clothes, etc. Yep, we didn't visit them for a long time afterwords.

There are a lot of things that I haven't told you guys. Like how verbally abusive I was to her at one point.
I would call her lazy because she would always leave her shit lying around.
I would call her ugly, even though I didn't think so. Idk why I did it.
If she wanted something, like ice cream on a hot day, I'd tell her that she can have some water with ice cubes.

Maybe I'm the one that started this all. I have been seeing the bad things in her, but what about the bads that I've done?


Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Jun 13 2010, 9:06 pm by BlueWolf.

Why justify this more? Cut your losses and get out now. Things will be messy, yes, but in 10 - 20 years (probably much less), you'll be glad you did. At least you haven't gotten her pregnant.