So, prom is coming up, and I do not usually attend these sort of events. So, I came to SEN with hopes of not getting trolled too hard.

I was recently invited by a friend to attend prom in a group of about a dozen people. One of those people is a girl I like. We are acquaintances (we've talked to each other on occasion but never have interacted outside of school), but I am not sure whether she likes me or not. This is part of a conversation we had over Facebook messages this week, (our mutual friend was in the message thread, observing).

[conversation]
Me: Hmm that reminds me, I need to decide whether to go to prom or not. I'm not really the dancing type...
Potential Date: YOU'RE GOING. It's not all about the dancing! It's just one day of your life when you're young and you get to go all out, dress up, eat at the most expensive restaurant you can afford, ride in a limo, have fun with your friends, live life and take a million pictures so you can look back when you're old and remember it all.
Mutual Friend: yeah what [Potential Date] said... plus do you honestly think [my date] and I are the dancing type? Hahaha

I'm considering asking our mutual friend to "test the waters" and see how my potential date would feel about me asking her to prom. Is that a good idea or bad idea?

This is how I think it could end up:
1. Mutual friend "tests", potential date says no. Then I must decide whether it's worth it to attend prom still. I would, of course, not ask my potential date, but could still attend prom in a group and become friends.
2. Mutual friend "tests", potential date says yes. I proceed to ask the potential date out.
3. I skip "testing" and ask the potential date. She says yes. WIN.
4. I skip "testing" and ask the potential date. She says no. FAIL. I would not attend prom.
5. I skip "testing" and don't ask the potential date out. We attend prom in the group and we become friends/a couple. WIN.
6. I skip "testing" and don't ask the potential date out. We attend prom in the group and we do not become friends. FAIL.

So, if she likes me already, I could just ask her to prom. If not, we could become friends (and use that as a springboard to boyfriend/girlfriend status) while attending prom as a group.

If I attend prom, even if my potential date says yes, we'd be going in the group.

What should I do, SEN?

EDIT: Should I tell the mutual friend that I like the potential date, but not have her "test" the potential date's feelings towards me?

Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Mar 9 2012, 4:03 am by rayNimagi.

DON'T ASK THE GIRL TO THE DANCE. DON'T ASK THE GIRL TO THE DANCE. DON'T ASK THE GIRL TO THE DANCE. DON'T ASK THE GIRL TO THE DANCE.

Just go and enjoy yourself. She's in the same group as you, right? You can still hang out with her and you won't have any bullshit tension the entire night about what you're 'supposed' to do.

That conversation doesn't really tell us much about whether or not she likes you. I was "told" to prom by a variety of girls who both did and didn't like me, at various times (didn't go anyway because I had video games to play ). She might just want to hang out with you. Like Kame said, the group thing is probably your best choice if you actually want to go.

On the other hand, if she wants you to go that much and you've only just met, maybe there's something there. You should probably ask her out, then. /notveryhelpful

I mean, if the prom goes well and you woo the girl of your dreams, you could still score with her later.

... But then again if you ask her out and she has to turn you down, you'll both feel really awful about it. True story.

Ask her, if she says no then who the fuck cares? It's prom.

YOU'LL ALSO FEEL REALLY BAD ABOUT YOURSELF AND YOUR INCOMPETENCE.

Choice 5.

EDIT: No.

Ask her if she'll help teach you how to dance. End with massive make-out scene.

Kame's dead on about the group thing.

There's so many ways this could go right, but it will go dangerously wrong if you approach her scared.

Post a picture of yourself, and I'll tell you if you're attractive. Post a picture of her as well and I'll tell you if you're in her league. All my advice is dependent on you being in her league.

You need to find some older douche-player type guy you know for some 1 on 1 coaching. Like, I can tell you that you NEED to touch her in subtle ways when you talk to her, and be really funny. So funny that she'd swear you already had these quips planned out (and you totally did). I could tell you about how you need to act like you don't give a fuck if she isn't sitting next to you whenever your group randomly sits down somewhere, and to always look like your having fun. I can tell you how easy it is to get into a comfortable conversation with a girl by "people watching" (serriously, you'll be into each other so fast it'll make your head spin (there's something primal about judging people at a distance...))
But none of it will matter because actually doing it is different and you don't have the kind of time to learn all of it on your own, but a mentor could speed things up and you'll have it down in 2 days.

But I know you're not actually going to do that. So I'm begging you to at least cheat. Here's easy mode: ask a girl, ANY GIRL (fat, tall, short, Kame, etc.), that you're friends with and you know doesn't have a crush on you. Privately talk with her and tell her the situation. Tell her that you need her to pretend to like you, or at least be flirty with you in front of the other girl. There, you're done with the only hard part(actually confiding in your friend); everything else from here is easy, and falls into place. Your friend will say yes, they LOVE doing this stuff. Girls love confidence, and approval. If you refuse to work for the former, you can cheat for the latter. Girls are drawn to guys who already have a girl's heart because it says to them that there's something right about you. Your kid tested, mother approved. Even if the wing-girl is ugly, she'll only be more encouraged to steal you from her because "you can do better"

Umm, I didn't read your whole post, so maybe this is irrelevant, but prom is the perfect excuse to ask a girl out, they expect you to ask them, and want to be asked. Sure you could get turned down but that's the same any other time anyway. I don't know what all the testing stuff is, but if you like her you ask her to prom, if you don't like her you don't ask her. Just gotta man up and find the courage to do it, that's the hard part.

The dancing at prom sucks. I enjoy a little bump n' grind like any other guy, but after a little while you either wanna get humpin for real or get the hell out of there. What you should do, is learn ballroom dancing and show everyone up. I enjoy ballroom so much, I'm pretty much obligated to recommend it at this point, but it's awesome and makes prom "dancing" look like the joke it is.

#5 is your best bet. She sounds exactly like many of the enthusiastic and outgoing female friends I had in high school who just act that way normally toward everyone. Most socially awkward guys tend to mistake females being nice and outgoing as equating to a slight chance they like them romantically. All it really means is that they like them enough to be nice to them, it isn't a romantic gesture at all.

Go to prom with the group, talk to her there without any tension, and gauge it based on that conversation. As long as you go into without worrying about whether or not she's got a thing for you, you'll be fine. I know plenty of guys who are essentially socially awkward nerds, but their quirks come off as funny and charming to the girls they talk to, so don't worry about just being yourself. Try to just hang out with her when you can, but don't be intense about it. You're supposed to be there to have fun so just have fun.

And don't worry about the dancing thing. I don't think I ever danced at a single school function. I spent most of the time talking to the groups I was with which seemed to work out much better for me as far as dating went.

Protip: she's already asked you to go.

Ask her to dance at the prom if you're feeling ambitious. My prom was all stupid grinding dancing to rap with the occasional country song which sent all of the black people running. Personally I didn't get anything from the prom other than a girlfriend. It was slightly fun, I suppose, but I had more fun when I went with a group of people rather than as a couple.

You might ask her if you can buy her corsage, but that's the equivalent of asking her out.

That "YOU'RE GOING" is kind of suspicious and looks to me like a hint of interest toward you. However, don't hype yourself on that.

I personally didn't enjoy the prom itself. The after-party, however, is something you do not want to miss.
No need to ask her out: as Kame said, it's useless tension. If she likes you, she'll most probably have a glance at you when it comes to the "slow" dances.
The way she sees the after-party is kind of retarded though, and I hope you don't actually end up doing that: it's just a fucking waste of money and time. Instead, do your best to find an actual -party- and get all your friends and yourself invited. Usually, the after-proms parties are open-houses (or that's how it was for me). A party outside is very nice as well: drive to some random slightly remove field, bring your beer, and have some music! This is where you'll get drunk and have absolutely no fear of asking her to dance (or just making up with her right away).
If you want to know if she likes you before the prom, attending to a party where she'll be present as well is a good way to get to know her and shit: she'll probably let you know if she likes you if she's drunk enough.

But I suck with girls, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

I've had girl friends tell me the exact same thing about my prom, it doesn't mean they like you, although it may mean they think you're a pretty neat guy.

Exactly.

Well, too bad. Prepare to get trolled.

Wait, people still go to proms? Never seen a point in it, never will!
Golly. A girl you might spend a month with given the absolute best circumstances.
Captain, the ship can't take much more!
Oh, wow, facebook! That speaks multitudes of the quality of this relationship already! Because facebook is a respectable medium in any shape or form.
Aw geez, the radar is picking up more contacts!

Are you sure you want to jump into that mess, captain?

Wait... do you really get to ride in a limo? Bloody Americans and your cars. Here in Canada, we ride camels. Fucking camels. Grow some balls and stride to town in a camel. She'll be all up in your shit.


Ok, I've got a good idea. Here we go. Ready?

Ask her out if you want to.

Yep. Sure was hard! If the ship goes belly-up, well who the fuck cares. You can't want to go very much if you go to SEN to ask if you should ask. Why, this is TL girl blog material. I've never once met a girl I was remotely interested in, but if I was interested, I would plainly say so. Why not? What's the worst that can happen? Rejection? Oh boy! It'll be just like all the times I had any other social contact! Yes, it's a total waste of time but, if you want to do it, then ask. Now, me, I know better.

It's black man thinking time! Because this is a hard decision.
Mutual friend may be trolling hard, or it may be entirely irrelevant and you should just ask her instead. If I were mutual friend, I'd troll, say no, ask her out myself just for yucks. But then again, I have better things to spend my time with. Like trolling SEN and building comrade Boris' bear blender.
Oh yeah. TL girl blog material. If I could rate this, it would be 5/5 sir.
Open all torpedo doors!
Awesome, you save yourself a colossal amount of wasted time and trouble.
You know what, I'm gonna skip this.


Okay, so let me get something straight. Real straight. Straight like that broadened letter opener in your pants. To quote,
Your social contact with her is limited to the reverberating drone bore that is Western education systems, your only meaningful contact is through Facebook of all things (I'd jump ship for this reason alone personally), and you have no idea if she's even interested. Yet you want a relationship with her just for that? Right. There's a billion fish in this radiation-soaked pond, friend. Figure out if she's even your kind of material (hint: your friend can't tell you this), then ask. You could shack up and find out she's actually a he. You just don't really know. Or you could just wing it. Best case scenario, you get shacked and break up in 2 weeks and this ends up on SEN too. On second thought, go for it! I love hearing how these kinds of things crumble into a pile of manure. It's the sole reason why I visit TL since SC2 came out.

Ultimately, it all comes down to this;

Wing it.
Save yourself the trouble.
Go and drink as much as you can like everyone else does and don't care either way. Good stories for your 15 deformed half-aligator kids.


I think you should consider that women respect confidence.

Why do you fear rejection? Do you fear pain? Life is full of pain, bro, just waiting to tear open your fresh anus with a wood chipper. You have not even taken the tip of it in the ass yet if you're worried about something so trivial. So, enjoy innocence while it lasts. It won't last forever. Enjoy pain. Don't waste your time with elaborate pyramid schemes or gimmicks. Ask or don't ask. Things are complicated enough without people intentionally making them needlessly more complicated.

You sound like a sad virgin Mesk.

Mad.

I'm proud of virginity, though.

Good idea. Worst that happens is that she says no. Taking responsibility for your feelings is a good, attractive thing. (That is also part of what we mean by confidence, but we can't say that because society dictates that guys don't talk about feelings. )

No. You have feelings for this girl; you have to own up to them yourself, not through someone else.

Quote from IskatuMesk

She'll be all up in your shit.

Quote from IskatuMesk

I'm proud of virginity, though.

Just wondering, if you're a virgin, how do you know how to get women "all up in your shit"? Seems like you wouldn't know from personal experience.