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What should I do?
Dec 13 2010, 12:57 am
By: Alzarath
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Dec 13 2010, 7:43 am DavidJCobb Post #41



Quote from CecilSunkure
Quote from DavidJCobb
Context for my answer.

David, perhaps if you put effort into solving your problems, your self-esteem will be both boosted and you won't have any reason to think like you are anymore. You're skinny? Work out. She doesn't know you're interested in her? Tell her. With life, you're dealt a hand of cards. The exact cards you are dealt seem random (who knows, maybe they are), though whether or not your hand was randomized the point remains that all anyone can do is make the best of the hand they are dealt.
She knows.

Quote from CecilSunkure
David, you have more control over your life than you give yourself credit for. You have nothing to do except make the best of what you have, so you better do it. Why, you may ask? Because to not is to be naive, extremely naive. How do you know that there is no purpose? How do you know that you cannot succeed in solving a particular problem? You don't know. You just don't know what will happen or what purpose things have, so, again, all you have right now is to make the best of what you have.
My biggest problems are my lack of knowledge, my lack of memory, and my lack of motivation. I don't know where/how to learn most of the skills I don't have, nor do I know how to set those things up so I can start learning. I can't remember anything I'm taught unless it has direct relevance to games, programming, morality and human evil, or, in some cases, politics. Even though I want to move forward, there is a kind of inherent unmotivated aspect of my personality that prevents me from working up the patience or will to do anything "boring". I have tried countless times to work around these things and have failed; the resulting ineffectuality has prevented me from making even small attempts to move my life forward.

Quote from CecilSunkure
Do you want to be a web developer? Do you? Then do it. Do you think you need to do something more significant? How would you define what "significant" is? You aren't omniscient, and so you cannot know that whatever you choose will be either significant or not. At the end of your life, for all anyone here knows (including you), anything could happen.

I suggest you figure out what you enjoy doing, or what you strive to be, then work towards it each and every day. At the moment I plan to become a professional game programmer. I will be a professional game programmer, within time. I've already made the preparations and taken the necessary steps towards getting on a path to become what I want. It's easy and anyone in the US is capable of doing so, assuming they are intelligent and motivated enough. You need to go on a pursuit of happiness with your life until you decide what is most purposeful. For many people religion is where they reside, for others they feel purpose simply in helping fellow man-kind. I plan to have a successful career and marry the women I love, and hopefully I'll stay as happy as I am now. Since I'm unsure of which world-view is the correct one I must remain Agnostic. In the meantime I'm making the best of my life as I possibly can, at least, until I finally decide on which world-view to adopt (if any).
I s'pose. But I don't even know how to get started in web development. (I suppose helping SEN'd be good for my resume, as it'd be a public demonstration of my skills. I should remind Dev about sending me the FTP stuff via email.)

But I have no clue how to go forward, generally. All my life, I've just done what people have told me to do, or what it seems like I should do. I've never once been taught anything of independence, or how to survive in a world that doesn't hold my hand and guide me. My house is the world I know, and when I think of the vast expanse surrounding it, I feel like a man stranded in a foreign country, unable to find someone who speaks the same language, unable to find anything familiar, lost, confused, disoriented. To others, the world is a massive blob of possibilities; to me, it is a dark, amorphous mass of the unknown.

Quote from CecilSunkure
As for this girl, I actually think you're experiencing limerence with her. If you haven't heard of this before I suggest reading into it; you'll at least find it interesting.
I stumbled upon that article during a past attempt to understand my own emotionality. It was an interesting read. I can't be sure that that's specifically what I'm experiencing, however; my present misery and depressive tendencies are presently obscuring the rest of my emotionality, making it difficult to even detect, let alone analyze.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 7:45 am payne Post #42

:payne:

Quote from CecilSunkure
As for this girl, I actually think you're experiencing limerence with her. If you haven't heard of this before I suggest reading into it; you'll at least find it interesting.
UV sent me that link as well to describe how I was with girls. I find it very disturbing, yet extremely descriptive and accurate as of my situation. :/



None.

Dec 13 2010, 7:57 am CecilSunkure Post #43



Quote from DavidJCobb
She knows.
Time to move on then.

Quote from DavidJCobb
Quote from CecilSunkure
David, you have more control over your life than you give yourself credit for. You have nothing to do except make the best of what you have, so you better do it. Why, you may ask? Because to not is to be naive, extremely naive. How do you know that there is no purpose? How do you know that you cannot succeed in solving a particular problem? You don't know. You just don't know what will happen or what purpose things have, so, again, all you have right now is to make the best of what you have.
My biggest problems are my lack of knowledge, my lack of memory, and my lack of motivation. I don't know where/how to learn most of the skills I don't have, nor do I know how to set those things up so I can start learning. I can't remember anything I'm taught unless it has direct relevance to games, programming, morality and human evil, or, in some cases, politics. Even though I want to move forward, there is a kind of inherent unmotivated aspect of my personality that prevents me from working up the patience or will to do anything "boring". I have tried countless times to work around these things and have failed; the resulting ineffectuality has prevented me from making even small attempts to move my life forward.
College is usually a great place to learn whatever you need. Luckily, it's easy to hop online and research colleges. As for learning things, well that's fine. Really, if it doesn't interest you you don't need to learn it. One thing that being in the IB program during highschool taught is: how to bullshit your work. I passed with flying colors in highschool by bullshitting most of my assignments and essays. By bullshit I mean lieing about sources, finishing up assignments the night before, using sparknotes instead of reading books, etc. I dropped out of a lot of classes senior year once I was accepted to DigiPen, and only stayed in the ones that were relevant to programming. If you know what you want (sounds like you are interested in web development), then you don't need to worry about mastering other classes or subjects. Although, I do suggest you try out as many different things as possible before you move out, as you might find out you love something you would have never known you loved hadn't it been for trying it out. Learn to play an instrument, try out a sport or two, anything hobby-wise; try different things.

Quote from DavidJCobb
Quote from CecilSunkure
Do you want to be a web developer? Do you? Then do it. Do you think you need to do something more significant? How would you define what "significant" is? You aren't omniscient, and so you cannot know that whatever you choose will be either significant or not. At the end of your life, for all anyone here knows (including you), anything could happen.

I suggest you figure out what you enjoy doing, or what you strive to be, then work towards it each and every day. At the moment I plan to become a professional game programmer. I will be a professional game programmer, within time. I've already made the preparations and taken the necessary steps towards getting on a path to become what I want. It's easy and anyone in the US is capable of doing so, assuming they are intelligent and motivated enough. You need to go on a pursuit of happiness with your life until you decide what is most purposeful. For many people religion is where they reside, for others they feel purpose simply in helping fellow man-kind. I plan to have a successful career and marry the women I love, and hopefully I'll stay as happy as I am now. Since I'm unsure of which world-view is the correct one I must remain Agnostic. In the meantime I'm making the best of my life as I possibly can, at least, until I finally decide on which world-view to adopt (if any).
I s'pose. But I don't even know how to get started in web development. (I suppose helping SEN'd be good for my resume, as it'd be a public demonstration of my skills. I should remind Dev about sending me the FTP stuff via email.)

But I have no clue how to go forward, generally. All my life, I've just done what people have told me to do, or what it seems like I should do. I've never once been taught anything of independence, or how to survive in a world that doesn't hold my hand and guide me. My house is the world I know, and when I think of the vast expanse surrounding it, I feel like a man stranded in a foreign country, unable to find someone who speaks the same language, unable to find anything familiar, lost, confused, disoriented. To others, the world is a massive blob of possibilities; to me, it is a dark, amorphous mass of the unknown.
In truth people learn ten times better when they learn something on their own, compared to when someone teaches it to them. I've taken this to heart and study a lot on my own. If you don't know where to go, just make a list of options and then research into them (college, internship, anything else you can think of). It's good to talk to highschool counselors about this sort of thing too.

The only way to experience the world outside of your house is to experience it. It's not that bad, and once you get self-sufficient you'll feel great :)



None.

Dec 13 2010, 8:00 am DavidJCobb Post #44



Aight, Cecil. I'll see if any nearby colleges offer web-dev-centric courses. (I'm quite certain it's my desired career path; I used to consider it as a stepping stone to game development, but now consider it my main goal.)

I think there's also something else I can try... I can make a list of challenges -- starting with small, every-day things like cooking simple meals, and moving onto bigger, harder things like finding and keeping jobs. My problem is that I lack guidance; I'll make a list to guide me. Maybe it'll help.

Thanks for the inspiration, for lack of a better word, dude.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 8:01 am CecilSunkure Post #45



You're welcome, and, sounds like a great start.

I'll keep in touch with you on MSN, and, you can ask me questions regarding general college or loan information. I also know a bit about the game industry and programming in general.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 8:49 am payne Post #46

:payne:

Quote from DavidJCobb
I think there's also something else I can try... I can make a list of challenges -- starting with small, every-day things like cooking simple meals, and moving onto bigger, harder things like finding and keeping jobs. My problem is that I lack guidance; I'll make a list to guide me. Maybe it'll help.
You'll quickly over-pass my current skills if you do this. :><:
/lazy bum still living at his parent's house and not knowing how to make his laundry nor cook meal



None.

Dec 13 2010, 10:05 am Lanthanide Post #47



David, I wouldn't pay much attention to most of these guys if I were you. I get that one of your biggest problems is lacking the motivation to do things or improve yourself. A lot of the guys replying don't seem to get it, they think you're just being "lazy" or "self-loathing". I'm not saying I fully understand it either - I've never really been depressed, but I can understand where you're coming from, and I know how debilitating it can be to have no motivation to do anything at all. From your description, it sounds like you may have some sort of learning or possibly personality disorder (above and beyond depression, probably aspergers?).

I recommend trying to get professional help, but your answer to that will probably be that there's nothing in your area to help you or you couldn't get to it if there was. I don't know where you live, but unless it's in a tiny hick-town in the middle of nowhere, there should be *something* that can act at least as a support group, even if it's only a youth group at a church or something (may not be ideal, depending on the church/existing members). Personally I am very un-social (not anti-social) so youth groups would be the last thing I'd want to join, and that may be the case with you. But I think you definitely need help and support from other real people who can do a lot more for you, rather than advice from distant people across the internet who can't really help you when you stumble or provide direction on how to conquer your next challenge.

I don't really have a whole lot to add to this, but:
Quote from DavidJCobb
I've done all I'll ever get to do. I've exerted all of my worth, all of my life, all of it. If lives are roads, I've reached the dead-end of mine.
Quote from DavidJCobb
I don't know how colleges work, I don't even know what classes I need to take to get what degree, and what jobs that degree would be useful for. I don't know how to drive, or what the rules of the road are. I don't know anything about cars. I don't know how to do laundry, or cook any kind of food, or wash dishes, or even how to order food at a fucking restaurant -- the latter, thanks to me being socially crippled and fucked in the head.

Hopefully by putting these two things together, you can see that you have a lot left to do, you've barely even scratched the surface of looking after yourself, let alone all the things you can do after that.

Challenge for you: go to a restaurant and order some food. I don't know if you were including something like McDonald's in there, but that's where I'd start - a simple fast food place where you can look at a menu and ask for it, wait at the side of the counter and then pick it up. Once you've done that a time or two, try a different fast food place. Try a more challenging fast-food place like order pizzas or someplace like subway where you have to choose what you want on the sub. It really isn't difficult, or even scary, in fact it is very simple and you'll manage it fine. Then, after that, you could go a step further to a proper sit-down order-with-menu restaurant - nothing flash, just the average small diner would be fine.

Also, you should take stock of the things that you *can* do, that you take for granted. Looks like you can read and write very well - a lot of people can't at all, but they still get on with their lives. Looks like you know your way around computers, you can use the internet proficiently and you're capable of learning technical tasks. Do you know very much about how TCP/IP and networking in general works, with switches, routers, DNS, HTTP, ARP etc? That might be another avenue for you to explore.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Dec 13 2010, 10:11 am by Lanthanide.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 10:36 am MadZombie Post #48



Quote
I don't know how colleges work, I don't even know what classes I need to take to get what degree, and what jobs that degree would be useful for. I don't know how to drive, or what the rules of the road are. I don't know anything about cars. I don't know how to do laundry, or cook any kind of food, or wash dishes, or even how to order food at a fucking restaurant -- the latter, thanks to me being socially crippled and fucked in the head.
Does your crippling social ollness prevent you from googling? Not trolling you can google all of that.

The only one I'll give you is ordering food at a restaurant.

Quote
wash dishes

If you say you can't do that then I think you are extremely lazy bro. I wont give you dishes.

Sometimes you needs to put on a pair of shade, cross your arms, and say "Deal with it". Srsly guis.



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Dec 13 2010, 4:34 pm CecilSunkure Post #49



Quote from Lanthanide
David, I wouldn't pay much attention to most of these guys if I were you. I get that one of your biggest problems is lacking the motivation to do things or improve yourself. A lot of the guys replying don't seem to get it, they think you're just being "lazy" or "self-loathing".
Hmmph. Way to take my posts the complete wrong way. I wouldn't blame what David is feeling on some over-arching ism or diagnosis -how is that going to help him? "Oh don't worry David, you have problems that aren't your fault" is a terrible way to go about life, and it's one that will get you nowhere. I'm not saying David's troubles are is fault, but I am telling him he can solve them. If David starts accomplishing his goals and starts improving himself, he'll feel much more confident and fulfilled.

Aside from bashing mine and other posts, you go on to reiterate similar things I've already said... :-_-:



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Dec 13 2010, 4:54 pm MadZombie Post #50



Quote
you go on to reiterate similar things I've already said...
Not just you.
Quote from Artanis
NO GUYS. YOU GUYS NEED TO START HELPING ME OUT AND STOP MESSING AROUND GUIS.

gtfo. I think their are two post that say they are willing to help you out if you provide more details. My sympathy is leaving this thread.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 8:17 pm Alzarath Post #51

Praetor

Quote from MadZombie
Quote from Artanis
NO GUYS. YOU GUYS NEED TO START HELPING ME OUT AND STOP MESSING AROUND GUIS.

gtfo. I think their are two post that say they are willing to help you out if you provide more details. My sympathy is leaving this thread.

Ya... I never said that... Stop trollin' plz.



None.

Dec 13 2010, 10:17 pm Lanthanide Post #52



Quote from CecilSunkure
Hmmph. Way to take my posts the complete wrong way.
No, way to take my post the complete wrong way. I completely agree with you and think you have been constructive and sincere in your post. I think Kame and one other in the first page were also good. But everyone else has been unhelpful and treating the subject without the seriousness or respect it is due, most likely because they're too immature to understand about depression, mental illness and how it is different from "being lazy".

Quote
Aside from bashing mine and other posts, you go on to reiterate similar things I've already said... :-_-:
That's because I'm not bashing your post at all :P



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Dec 13 2010, 10:22 pm OlimarandLouie Post #53



You just described my life except for being two years in the future and I'm not dropping out of high school.

My advice: Start going to nerd gatherings (such as Magic: The Gathering, or something) so you can at least get to know other people in a similar boat.



None.

Dec 14 2010, 12:36 am Sand Wraith Post #54

she/her

Quote from OlimarandLouie
My advice: Start going to nerd gatherings (such as Magic: The Gathering, or something) so you can at least get to know other people in a similar boat.

Considering Artanis' situation: above is bad, do not do. You already know you've failed somewhere along the line; having sympathetic people who might only make you feel self-[feel as though your current position is adequate and does not require further improvement] (lethologica!) will sap you of whatever motivation you have remaining (which is bad, considering that you want to do something about your future).

Instead, try to associate yourself with other people who get things done; people who work in leadership positions, who have jobs and are successful, etc. If you can make acquaintances with these kinds of people and actively try to match/surpass their level, you may find yourself in a better position quickly. At the very least, having such connections can net in more opportunities. I'm frequently pulled along to do more stuff than I normally do because of other people. As much as I may hate it sometimes, it's definitely worth the effort if you want to change something. E.g. I'm doing 4 presentations on rudimentary CPR, versus 2, because my friend happens to be the organizer of the lessons/presentations, and she needed me to fill in for an extra class.

Result: I now know I hate presenting to large, rowdy crowds about things I don't actually care that much about, but I am at least more experienced and better at it. (lol: I don't think my voice is going to survive this week.)

But, seriously:
>mfw I read OL's post
If you want to be self-satisfied, be my guest; it just so happens to be contrary to your present desire.
(Though, a grain of salt: "those other people" are fun to accompany once in a while as a stress-reliever, and to remind you why you want to change.)




Dec 14 2010, 2:37 am rayNimagi Post #55



I used to be kind of "depressed" about my life. Then I found some people who were probably even less socially awkward and even more nerdy than I was at that time. Somehow, we managed to get some social skills. I guess (1/a) + (1/b) + (1/c) eventually adds up to some degree of social ability.

I would advise getting some friends. Talk to some people at events that you go to (if you don't get out much, find some events. GOOGLE.). If you don't know how to talk to people... well... I don't know how to help. If you were still in school, you could talk to a counselor about this sort of thing. I've heard of something called Chat Roulette (and never tried it), but I've also heard of what people do on that site. It's your call whether you want to use it to practice talking to new people. (The good thing about it is that if you mess up, you'll never have to see them again.)



Win by luck, lose by skill.

Dec 14 2010, 7:58 am DavidJCobb Post #56



Quote from rayNimagi
I've heard of something called Chat Roulette (and never tried it), but I've also heard of what people do on that site. It's your call whether you want to use it to practice talking to new penises.
FTFY. :awesome:



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Dec 14 2010, 7:25 pm CecilSunkure Post #57



Quote from Lanthanide
Quote from CecilSunkure
Hmmph. Way to take my posts the complete wrong way.
No, way to take my post the complete wrong way. I completely agree with you and think you have been constructive and sincere in your post. I think Kame and one other in the first page were also good. But everyone else has been unhelpful and treating the subject without the seriousness or respect it is due, most likely because they're too immature to understand about depression, mental illness and how it is different from "being lazy".

Quote
Aside from bashing mine and other posts, you go on to reiterate similar things I've already said... :-_-:
That's because I'm not bashing your post at all :P
Oh, okay :D <3



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Dec 14 2010, 8:12 pm Norm Post #58



.................lol.



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Dec 14 2010, 11:20 pm JaFF Post #59



To get something good from life, you need to want something good from life. To want something good, you need to at least be aware of it's existence and see it. To see good things in life, you need life experiences.

Every time I travel and experience the beauty of nature and variety of culture, I see the wonderful things travel can bring. It reminds me of what I want and fills me with enthusiasm and the desire to see and do good, meaningful and intellectually satisfying things in life.

Until you have a taste of what's on the menu, don't give up on the restaurant.



None.

Dec 15 2010, 12:31 am EzTerix Post #60



Move to Iceland :P. A haven for no lifers because they have huge welfare and a government that basically sustains your entire life.



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