Today I decided to cut school and go to the city mall with a group of friends. I told them I would meet them up at Time Square (For those of you that don't know what Time Square is, it's the middle of Manhattan, in New York City.). But anyways, back to story, I just got off the 7 train and I was walking underground. It was unsual that it was empty here but I forgot that everyone else was at work or at school. As I was walking towards Port Authority tunnel, I saw a group of guys, black (No Racist), beating the shit out of this kid, who looked like 17 or 18 with a sidekick LX. Then I heard a gunshot and all of them scattered. At this point my vision went blank and all I remember was me running back to the 7 train to head back home. I remember myself breathing heavily and running really fast. When I got home, I told my mom what I just seen. Then she got all scared and said, "You're moving with your auntine and uncle in Bel-air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the liscense plate said FRESH and it had a dice in the mirror. If anything I thought that this cab was rare, but I thought "Nah, forget it, Yo Homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo Homes smell ya later!". Looked at my kingdom and I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

This is a tale explaining the manner in which my way of life was rotated along a Y axis until it reached a position roughly 180 degrees from that which it started. If I could have 60 seconds of your time, simply place your posterior in the selected location, and I will relate to you the details of how I was made the male monarch of the district of the City of Los Angeles, California located at coordinates 34.08333 -118.44778.

In the western region of the “City of Brotherly Love” known as Philadelphia, my mother expelled me from her womb and indeed that is also where I spent my childhood, in my mother’s care. The majority of my time was spent in a recreational area containing such diversions as a jungle gym, swing set, sand box, etc. I was typically at the height of leisure while frequently at a temperature slightly below what might be considered standard room temperature. Outside of my educational institution I was engaging in a game of basketball with some of my friends, when a couple of gentlemen who seemed to be of the disposition to cause a great deal of mischief began causing a great deal of chaos and disharmony in the area in which I lived. I was involved in one rather small bout of fisticuffs after which my mother became concerned for my general safety and well-being, and she informed me that I would be moving in with her sister and her sister’s husband in the previously mentioned community located at the previously mentioned location.

I implored my mother to relent approximately 24-48 hours ago, yet she gathered my belongings in a somewhat flat, rectangular shaped piece of luggage and expelled me from her presence. She placed her lips upon my cheek in an affectionate manner and handed me a pre-purchased pass for public transportation. I placed the headphones for my personal music system into my ears and verbalized the idea that I may as well impact this situation with my foot. Traveling in the highest available level of comfort, this is indeed an unfortunate situation (although I make this statement with some irony). Consuming the juices obtained by the squeezing of the fruit of a Citrus sinensis from a piece of glass stemware commonly reserved for the sipping of sparkling wine originating from the Champagne region of France, I pause to wonder if this is indeed how the residents of the admittedly upper-class neighborhood located at the previously mentioned location commonly live. Indeed, I find this situation may be rather to my enjoyment.

I puckered my lips and exhaled forcefully to produce a shrill note in order to gain the attention of a taxicab driver, and as the driver approached I observed his California vanity plate which, in place of the traditional jumble of alpha-numeric characters, used only the letters F, R, E, S, and H, spelling out the word “fresh”. Additionally, from his rearview mirror dangled a pair of oversized, fur-covered cubes decorated to look like the six-sided dice commonly used in gambling and board games. In such a situation I could have made a statement about the unusualness of this particular taxicab to the point of it being nearly unique. Instead I cogitatively decided against it and instead informed the driver that he should deliver me to what was to become my new home in the community located at the previously mentioned location.

We pulled up to a large domicile sometime between the hours of 7 and 8 o’clock, and in a loud tone of voice I informed the cab driver that at some undetermined point in the future I would again detect his odor through my sense of olfaction. I gazed about the region of land that I was destined to rule, reflecting on my arrival: Here I would claim my rightful place upon the throne, from which I would govern the previously mentioned community of Bel-Air as monarch.

Source: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Bel-air

Rofl Moose. Deep.

Every summer, we take a trip to a national landmark by car. This year, it was to yellowstone. My sister and I always sit in the back seat watching DVDs, while my parents sit up front driving and reading maps.

Anyways, we had just finished a 19 hour day on rthe road, and the hotel we were staying at only had one room left. It was a room with two beds and no bathroom. My parents took one bed, and made me and my sister take the other.

Seeing as I hadn't jacked off since we left home (2 days), I was really horny. Well, I would have just used the bathroom, but there wasn't one. So I waited until it was really late and I was sure everybody was asleep, then pulled out my throbbing cock. My sister has her back to me, and I got what seemed to be a good idea. After making sure she was asleep, I gently moved my hands around her body and began to gently caress her smooth breasts. Moving my hands downward, I slowly felt her pussy, and discovered it was wet. I started rubbing it gently, my cock about to explode from horniness. Then my sister moved. I quickly withdrew my hands and pretened to be asleep. I suddenly felt my sister's warm butt gently nudging my cock. I was suprised by this, but she continued nudging it until I was sure that she wanted it. I gently slid my cock into her tight anus, and she started moaning quietly. Then she pulled away and faced me, her face begging pleasure. I slowly guided my cock to her waiting pussy, and then...

Ninjas. Thousands of them. They dropped down from nowhere, and one instantly broke my sisters neck. Another dispatched both of my parents with one graceful swing of the sword. I lept out of bed, my enraged penis held firmly in my hands. I took a swing at one, and sliced him open from shoulder to stomach. His entrails poured out, covering me with blood. I took out another ninja, and another. I engaged in a fierce battle, my wang clashing with their swords. After hours of fighting, I had finally beaten them. The walls of the room were soaked with blood, and I looked down sadly at my sister. In the process of fighting, a sword I had knocked out of a ninja's hands had sliced her in half. I could see her exposed vagina, still open and waiting. I picked up that half of her body and began to fuck it. I moved it faster and faster, until I came. The force at which it left my body blew her pussy in half, leaving me with a severed leg in each hand. I rang for room service, checked out, and disappeared into the night...

Source http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/information/33091/2/The_best_halloween_i_ever_had.html

What the fuck is this topic?

I mean the first post is completely pointless by itself, but then Moose posts as if he knows what the topic is about. Is there like a hidden purpose I'm missing?

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!!

You never could've taken on that many ninjas.

Win.

I wonder what the minimum substance level is for a post in this sort of topic?


...

Studying sucks. I've got a bio test tomorrow, and I really don't care anymore. What you need to do is just ignore the null forum, or better yet, ignore the entire site. After all, what's on here that's absolutely mandatory? What I do is study over a period of around 4 days, for short periods, so I can do something in between to keep myself from being bored out of my mind. Another thing that helps is studying in a group of people. Last week, I got together with some friends (Beth and Jack) to study for our statistics exam, since I wouldn't study otherwise. It doesn't work very well when the power goes out though. We ended up having to study by a candle. Jack told me he'd never eve

devilesk, I like your terrain

4chan

Fuck 4chan.

If you read my source link, it explains the meme.

Ah shit I got belaired

To start out the thread, yes, I do have a pic:

http://img153.imageshack.us/img153/2677/depewdj5.jpg


Now that I've got your attention, it's time to disappoint you: No, I do not sleep with her. No, I don't even make a sly attempt. If you're still interested, read on.

Okay so at my school we have faculty advisers that are assigned to students according to their last names. The faculty advisers help students with scheduling conflicts, general questions, help with internships/employment, etc. My adviser is named Jess Depew and as you can see she's pretty hot. The picture doesn't really do her justice but they're all I've got at the moment. She's like 25 and she's only been at the school a few years. Anyway, I have been looking into getting an internship at a TV station or something over the summer, and the school helps coordinate these things with an internship database that's maintained by the advisers. You log on with your school ID and password and you can browse internships and stuff. I was having trouble logging on to mine so I went to go see Ms. Depew. That's where all the trouble started.

Firstly, I walked into office like 15 minutes early like an idiot and she's in the middle of lunch. So I awkwardly make stupid stall talk until she's finished.

"Oh, hey, what are you eating?"
"Salmon. I love it. I eat it practically everyday."
"Just salmon? That's pretty weird." Why the hell did I say this?
"Oh, well, I don't know. I try to eat healthy, natural foods...you know, like wild berries and honey and stuff."
"Yeah, I like food too." *facepalm*

Man, I was so nervous. Anyway, we finally begin squaring my stuff away. She looks up what I registered with in the beginning of the year. This is when the crap really hit the fan. This is how the conversation went:

"Okay, you're account name is [my name] and your password is ...'depewissexy'..."

Oh damn. I completely forgot that I put that as my password in the beginning of the year. What the hell was I thinking? It was probably the longest 20 seconds of my life before I finally got my balls together to stand up and leave. Just as I walk out the door she says,

"In the future, you might want to bear in mind what kind of things you want keep to yourself."

I was so freaking embarrassed I wanted to kill myself right then and there. I wanted to run the hell out of there and never, ever see her again. But something about what she just said kept me standing in her doorway. I decided to man up and apologize. I turned to her, looked her straight in the eyes, and swallowed my pride. And then, it hit me like a train full of bricks.

She was eating Salmon.

She tries to eat all healthy, natural foods, like wild berries and honey.

She told me that I might want to bear in mind what kind of things I want to keep to myself.

Ms. Depew was a bear disguised as a human.

Immediately, the bear saw that I had seen through its charade. It roared loudly and took a menacing swipe at me. I deftly avoided its claw and sprinted out of the office. The bear was soon in chase, crashing through the walls of the office as if they were made of paper. I jumped over the receptionist desk and ran out the back entrance. The bear followed, tossing the secretary aside like a rag doll. The bear began to pursue me through the street traffic. While I fought my way through the maze of vehicles, the bear simply careened its massive force through anything standing in its way. Cars veered off the road to escape the onslaught of grizzly force that was barreling down the road. The bear was gaining fast. I had no other option but to make my way into the nearest building: a preschool. I burst through the door, startling the children from their naps. Immediately, the bear slammed through the wall, crushing a child beneath his massive paws and burying several other children in sheet rock and debris. I maneuvered my way through the chaos towards the back exit. The pre-schoolers were little more than a screaming annoyance for the bear. Its massive paws cut swaths through the sea of toddlers with each swipe. I used the precious time these children had afforded for me to make my escape into the playground. I scrambled up a ladder to a fort-like structure. My goal was to walk across the monkey bars then jump to a tree which I could climb to the roof of the preschool and perhaps flag down a passing helicopter.

I began my trek across the monkey bars just as the bear charged outside, its teeth and claws still fresh with the blood of the innocent. It let out a monstrous roar and began its assault on the cheap, wooden
playset. I let go of all caution and ran to end the end of the monkey bars. I leaped for the tree branch just as the bear's enormous girth came plowing through the entire structure. I grasped the branch tightly as the bear collided with the tree, sending it into a daze. I saw this as my one opportunity not for escape, but for victory. I leapt off the tree onto the ground and grabbed a stray bar that had been shorn from the playset. The bear was slowly coming to so I had to act fast. I ran to the beast and thrust the jagged end of the pole into its jaw and through it's skull.

The bear had been defeated. I shambled home in pain but victorious.There will be more threads and more bears in the months to come.

But today, I returned home a champion.

Is it weird I immediately recognised the Bel-Air and incest posts?

Also, theres a highlighter stuck in my ass.

I have it stuck, and I mean stuck. This is serious, cause its really starting to hurt. It stuck above the muscles that relax and contort while your shitting.

The cap cam off, and there is no ink inside.

I really don't wanna go to the hospital... its not easy to make an excuse for that .

How the fuck do I get it out .

I've tried my fingers and needle nose pliers to get it out. I've also tried pushing it out like a piece of shit.

I need help. Fast.

EDIT: Should I just try and wait for my body to push it out for me..?

I never liked Fresh Prince...

Yay for memes[/sarcasm]

I would give you guys pics but it is completely non-visible, its gotten really deep

Ha... I knew it was a Bel Air before I actually got to the part where the lyrics come in.