A few of my closer friends in this forum know this already but I feel a need to share something very personal..


My mother was diagnosed with lung cancer last year.. Yes she smoked like a turk.

I went to hospital with her yesterday for her CT scan and after the doctor took me outside and told me that my mum has about two weeks to live..

We have not told her this.

My god.. I have had a year to prepare myself but I'm absolutely not ready for this.. here it comes.


Last night I went to my flat to pick up my laptop and a few things but ended up gettin completely wasted with all my friends. They all gave me so much love and support and wisdom and care that I found myself crying like a baby.


In a few hours going to her home to be with for her last days on this earth and she will die in my arms.


I have no idea how I will cope or how it will affect me or if I will just cave in and become a complete mess. She is my life and my foundation and my reason for being.


My father was murdered three years ago and although very charismatic he was a total ~censored~

Anyway this is all new to me.. I have never had a person die on me..


I will appreciate any thoughts or words from you that have experience in these matters..

We will see.. However I have a suspicious feeling that it will make me much stronger and more compassionate person.


She has had such a hard life but has remained a complete angel.. she is such a beautiful person and I am blessed to have her as a mother.


I love her so much.. and she loves me.. we are best friends..


In her pain and tragedy she does not complain or whine and has no bitterness but continues to love and care about her children.


I'm at my flat with my best mate Sean right now slamming beers and just being real, then in a bit I'll be going to mums to spend every last second with her..

I don't have internet at mums only some primitive 56k dial up.. ha ha..


However I will log occasionally in and see what wisdom you guys have for me.


Thanks for letting me share..

I've witnessed many deaths in my family, and you're right in your assumption that you will be changed. I really can't say anything that will prepare you for what's about to happen. I spent a lot of time caring for my grandma during the last year of her life, but when the day finally came, I wasn't prepared for it. It will feel like a piece of you has died along with her.

The best advice I have is: Be careful about how you grieve.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 1 2007, 3:54 am by Doodan.

Tragedy*

The most callous way to dishonor the dead is to kill yourself with grief and not move on.

That said, it's not easy. Especially with those close to you. Take a week or two off from work/college/school. See a counselor if you find yourself depressed or spiraling downward. Give her a good funeral and visit her grave regularly. Your memories of her should not be tainted by a choking grief at her loss. Mourn, but don't think you're ungrateful for coping with her loss.

Although this is so much hypocrisy coming from me.

This may sound silly, but always do what you think she would want you to do. And if you feel the need, where ever you may be, cry. I'm sure you've heard what doctors have said about tears and the excretion of hormones created when one feels stress. Visit the resting place often, and if your even a small bit religious, pray for her. If you have recurring strange dreams, consult a professional. Remember that she's done what she could to give you a future, don't throw it away by drowning her memory in alchohol. Other than that, go with what Doodan and Doktor Shotgun say. We know the wisdom of t3h Dood to be true.

And I wouldn't be logging on while your at your mom's house. Just saying.

Best wishes from the resident ninja.

Edit: wow I can't believe I wrote that.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 5 2007, 1:04 am by ClansAreForGays.

That's so sad... :'(

No parents. I feel for you man...

EDIT: I felt a very very very light urge to cry.

I dont know what words to offer you, and as im usually the go-to person for advice among my friends, that sort of odd.

I guess its because i never liked either of my parents, i still dont. Id get rid of them in a second. Ive yet to find a single blood relative of mine i can stand. Ive had very close relatives of mine die, and i felt nothing. I still dont. I still dont have a problem with death at all, and ive yet to shed a tear. I dont know if im just a heartless bastard or if its my lack of sanity that ive been questioning for the past few years.

But its not my usual not to try.

I guess Doktor said it pretty well. The best thing to do is not let the greif take over, even though it wont be easy. Try not to hide when the hurt comes, because no matter what you die, blocking it out of your mind, hiding in bottles, or whatever you may try to do, it will find you, it will catch up. Things will get a whole lot worse before they get better.
But they will get better.

And thats what you need to keep your eye on.

Celebrate her life, especially now.

Death is a natural part of life, try to not to dwell on it, and do not fear it. Too many people waste the life they have for fear of death. Find something tomorrow to live for today, then move on.

Well thats pretty sad if I were in your shoes. All I can say is be with your mom the second she dies from Malignant neoplasm of bronchus and lung. But as the other said dont grieeve for too long. That will just make things even worse. But man it would feel bad to live a life without a mother or a father. Like no more birthday presents from them or go on a family vacation and that stuff.

Well, the best of your life.

It's not the birthday presents that makes life with them special, it's actually being with them and what they've done for your future.

Mourn her, don't feel bad that you are, just let it all out. Let the last few days be worth it, but when that last day comes along, make sure you don't show her the signs, but make sure that you tell her you love her. Maybe take her out to her favorite restaurant, you know.. make it special.

I'm sorry for your soon-to-be-loss. I'm sure she was an angel.

~JamaL

... Wtf Jordan?

Life2Death, I'm sorry to hear this, not much else I can say.

ROFL. This is why I hope JordanN never gets banned.

Well I was just expressing what it would be like to me if a thing like that happen to me. But hey I didnt break any rules so the blek.

It was just the fact that you gave the type of feedback an 8 year old might give.

As for the actual discussion going on here, I can pretty much agree with the concensus that has been going on here. I really could go out of my way to offer more to you, but I feel that without any true experience of something to this degree, anything I say really couldn't be too great of an offering. Celebrate her life, and I wish the best of luck to you in the proceedings of everything within the matter.

I beg to differ.

But yeah I dont think theres a reason to bring on an argument when nothing bad has happend. So now lets all end any further replies to questioning my post.

Man, I'm sorry to hear that. Not much I can say, and I don't really know you but yeah, just enjoy the last moments you two can have together.

I could be a total and complete asshole.

But there's no reason, I already was in the abortion argument.

Anywho, it wasn't wise to post your 'tragedy' on here buddy... A lot of people could be assholes.

The Necromancer Kellimus, and his ZOMBIE topic.

That you Zombie? Lmao.