As long as I can remember, I have had a very obsessive personality when it comes to relationships. Now don't get me wrong, not going around with an altar of personal affects or some crazy shit. It's just a very high level of infatuation and that I cannot get a good woman out of my head. So far, this has only happened four times. Once with my ex-fiance, another with a woman who worked at an airport, this woman who had an affair with me, and a woman that I had just dated recently. Now I have dated and had flings with a lot more than that, but these four stand out in the sense that I actually gave a fuck. A little too many fucks if you ask me and I consciously know that this is extremely unhealthy.
Right now with the latest woman, I cannot get her out of my head. She was actually pretty good with picking up on subtle vibes and behaviors, kind of calling me out when I gave little lies about things. Nothing big, but stuff that she just said, "You are probably making a big deal out of things that, for all you know, I could probably care less about. Just tell me." That kind of thing and it was really nice to be open with someone. We ended up seeing each other every other night and I would stay at her place, obviously you can fill in any blanks. Now note that we were only together for a little less than a month before she kind of picked up on how infatuated I was getting, then promptly stopped talking to me for about 8 days before I squeezed the answer of why out of her: "I got the feeling you were getting a little too attached and I only want a healthy relationship right now."
This makes me want her even more, on top of she has all of the values I have ever wanted out of a woman. Now it's getting worse than it ever has before, I just cannot get this woman out of my mind. So I text her every week, offering to go to dinner. After four times, she said, "You really don't give up do you? I'll think about it. Now is just not a good time, I resigned from my job today." She sent no more texts since then and I am patiently waiting, if you look from the outside anyway...
Now comes the crazy obsessive part: I have found her on two dating sites, she is actively on them, worried that she will meet someone better, actively think about just passing by her house to see if she has the only car there, I keep myself from doing that through reason alone... I am constantly fucking thinking about her, it's driving me insane. Fuck therapy, been there for other crap, shit doesn't help. Honestly I think it's even starting to affect my health, I have had diarrhea since a few days after we broke apart, my stomach is constantly aching and feels like there is knots everywhere. Finding myself feeling ridiculously lonely and just using other women to sleep with them trying to get my mind off her. If it gets really bad and this starts to get dark, I definitely will seek some professional help, but holy fuck is this getting to me.
I can accept a little humor on the topic, but please don't fuck with me on this. You should all know that I have always been a pretty easy-going guy that has a dark sense of humor at times, but this is by far my biggest flaw/fear/problem. Even all of my friends usually associate me with a jokester, overconfident, lady killing, carefree... whore. This is totally unlike me and this feeling doesn't feel like what I would imagine other people see as love. Especially with how quickly it sets in, just feels like "obsessive infatuation," but it only sets in with women that I end up liking and want to actually date. Nothing comes even close to this. If you guys need any more clarification on a certain part of this or additional information, such as on the other women, I can give that. Just no names or anything in that general vicinity, topic is merely about me.
Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Aug 11 2014, 1:40 am by LoveLess.