We can't explain the universe, just describe it; and we don't know whether our theories are true, we just know they're not wrong. >Harald Lesch
If Jack is as much of an asshole to woman as it looks it's pointless to talk to him, so don't do it.
You don't know Paul so it's not your responsibility to talk to him. His relationship none of your business.
So the only option besides doing nothing is talking to Jan. Do it in person and do it privately. Explain to her how this whole situation looks like and tell her that she should stop (or take it easy if there's nothing going on) for the sake of her boyfriend and her reputation.
You can tell her what you've heard of Jack, but she probably won't listen, so all you can tell her is that it's her decision, but she really should make a decision rather than having her cake and eat it too. If she wants Jack, so be it, but she should officially leave Paul then.
Jan is the only person doing wrong here (if she is) so she's the one you should talk to.
If Jack is as much of an asshole to woman as it looks it's pointless to talk to him, so don't do it.
You don't know Paul so it's not your responsibility to talk to him. His relationship none of your business.
So the only option besides doing nothing is talking to Jan. Do it in person and do it privately. Explain to her how this whole situation looks like and tell her that she should stop (or take it easy if there's nothing going on) for the sake of her boyfriend and her reputation.
You can tell her what you've heard of Jack, but she probably won't listen, so all you can tell her is that it's her decision, but she really should make a decision rather than having her cake and eat it too. If she wants Jack, so be it, but she should officially leave Paul then.
Jan is the only person doing wrong here (if she is) so she's the one you should talk to.
Y'know, sometimes the most obvious thing is overlooked. Nuderaider is right, if you're gonna do anything, it should be to Jan.
"If a topic that clearly interest noone needs to be closed to underline the "we don't want this here" message, is up to debate."
-NudeRaider
If Jack is as much of an asshole to woman as it looks it's pointless to talk to him, so don't do it.
You don't know Paul so it's not your responsibility to talk to him. His relationship none of your business.
So the only option besides doing nothing is talking to Jan. Do it in person and do it privately. Explain to her how this whole situation looks like and tell her that she should stop (or take it easy if there's nothing going on) for the sake of her boyfriend and her reputation.
You can tell her what you've heard of Jack, but she probably won't listen, so all you can tell her is that it's her decision, but she really should make a decision rather than having her cake and eat it too. If she wants Jack, so be it, but she should officially leave Paul then.
Jan is the only person doing wrong here (if she is) so she's the one you should talk to.
Y'know, sometimes the most obvious thing is overlooked. Nuderaider is right, if you're gonna do anything, it should be to Jan.
You know, I have to agree with Nuderaider as well. I don't know him, and I do know (a small amount) Jan. Jan would be the one to talk to out of everyone. I would say that once some sort of hard evidence comes into play, then contacting Paul would be more appropriate. For now, it's just not really my place to notify him since there's a chance the rumors are false.
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Okay, I don't have any credentials that make this "my business", though you still haven't shown why it is "wrong" for me to share my concern, especially if I would want someone to do the same for me.
Dude, can you read the damn thing? It goes pretty in depth with possible situations where it would be wrong to be concerned.
Dammit Cecil.
1. Who are you to judge another man's relationship when you're so new and naive to the scene yourself? How can you say a girl is being unfaithful to her relationship when you can't even prove your suspicion. How can you know that such actions aren't acceptable in her current situation? Maybe Paul and Jan have affairs with other people, but know about them, understand them, and accept them because they feel that such things don't get in the way of their relationship. What if Jan is just playing your "asshole" buddy for a fool because Paul overheard him saying some shit and thought it'd be funny to mess with him? You don't know what's going on. You are wrong to assume that you know how things should be. You are wrong to think that this is your business at all. You're not a counselor, you're not either of these people's friends or family, you're not anything.
2. Develop your own damn morals and learn to think for yourself. Asking internet people about such a dumb issue is pathetic.
3. What is "wrong" is subjective. I expected university man to know these things.... You disappoint me, cecil.
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Already pointed that out in my first post... =o
Azreal, I'd much appreciate someone who considered themselves "self-important" enough to point out an obvious problem in my relationship, I can only assume that the same would be true for others. I hope it is and that's definitely idealistic naivety, but I couldn't care less. Right and wrong are pretty simple in adultery, saying that you shouldn't help because you don't know the people well is a complete non-sequitur. In fact, I'd argue that it's better to make that claim as an acquaintance than as a close friend because you're less involved.
First they came for the... and
All that is necessary... etc.
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So do I. Your morals are not absolute or even relative to anyone outside your reality (unless they are allowing you to influence). You are in no position to say what is "wrong" in terms of someone else's relationship.
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So do I. Your morals are not absolute or even relative to anyone outside your reality (unless they are allowing you to influence). You are in no position to say what is "wrong" in terms of someone else's relationship.
I didn't say they were, and I didn't say her "cheating" was wrong. I wanted to share my concern with Paul, despite whatever her "cheating" actually meant in the relationship. You're still not telling me why it's morally wrong to share my concern with Paul, unless you meant to imply that since I might be literally wrong (that Jan might not be cheating), it is therefore morally wrong to get involved. Is that what you meant?
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Quote from name:Azrael.Wrath
It's none of your business.
Quote from Walt Whitman's "I Sit and Look Out"
I sit and look out upon all the sorrows of the world, and upon all oppression and shame;
I hear secret convulsive sobs from young men, at anguish with themselves, remorseful after deeds done;
I see, in low life, the mother misused by her children, dying, neglected, gaunt, desperate;
I see the wife misused by her husband—I see the treacherous seducer of young women;
I mark the ranklings of jealousy and unrequited love, attempted to be hid—I see these sights on the earth;
I see the workings of battle, pestilence, tyranny—I see martyrs and prisoners;
I observe a famine at sea—I observe the sailors casting lots who shall be kill’d, to preserve the lives of the rest;
I observe the slights and degradations cast by arrogant persons upon laborers, the poor, and upon negroes, and the like;
All these—All the meanness and agony without end, I sitting, look out upon,
See, hear, and am silent.
On a less cryptic note, I'd recommend Nude's solution: contact Jan. Make no accusations, simply state that "people might get the wrong idea". Assume faithfulness on her part, and see if she refutes your assumption.
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UPDATE
I contacted Paul this morning before making this thread, and, Jan was very annoyed about the whole thing. Jan denies doing anything or having any intentions with Jack, although both Paul and Jan said they knew Jack was out for Jan.
Paul reacted by asking if I had any sort of evidence, to which I replied no. He said "Ok. Don't water the rumor weed man!".
Turns out that Jan denies all, and Paul said he wouldn't even blink as to having any sort of doubts about Jan without evidence. No harm was done (except that Jan was rather annoyed), and all seems well.
In my personal opinion, I should have just had a one on one talk with Jan before doing anything else, sharing my concerns with her. What I did was much more risky, in that I didn't know how Paul would react, and by contacting Jan I avoid the possibility of sewing unnecessary seeds of doubt between Jan and Paul.
Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 19 2010, 2:09 am by CecilSunkure. Reason: post --> thread
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I contacted Paul this morning
I guess Roy was right, I should be a detective
Good job doing the wrong thing, too bad it didn't completely blow up in your face or you might have learned something.
In my personal opinion, I should have just had a one on one talk with Jan before doing anything else, sharing my concerns with her.
You should've made this thread before doing anything, and then listened to Nude, who provided the solution of talking to Jan in the first place, and hence you could've taken that solution.
:-|
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Quote from name:Azrael.Wrath
Good job doing the wrong thing, too bad it didn't completely blow up in your face or you might have learned something.
Whatever, I still think Jan was acting rather suspicious. Perhaps I should be a detective as well.
I should have A) Contacted Jan first; B) Waited for solid evidence to contact Paul.
But yes, I would still want someone to do the same thing for me as stated in this post if I were in Paul's situation.
You should've made this thread before doing anything, and then listened to Nude, who provided the solution of talking to Jan in the first place, and hence you could've taken that solution.
Yep.
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Perhaps I should be a detective as well.
Because you made a totally erroneous assumption about a stranger and then acted poorly based on it?
Quote from name:Azrael.Wrath
Perhaps I should be a detective as well.
Because you made a totally erroneous assumption about a stranger and then acted poorly based on it?
Cecil could work as the guy in a Missile Turret being commanded by a player who unallies everyone in a game of Phantom even though he's not Phantom and has no basis for his actions.
EDIT: BAD DETECTOR, GET IT?
Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 19 2010, 3:24 am by DavidJCobb.
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UPDATE:
Jack is pissed off and doesn't want to "ever see me again".
Looks like Jack had some plans that were ruined. Oh well, at least Jan and Paul are fine, as they were the ones I was concerned for.
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Yeah Jack doesn't want to talk to me, but I want to talk with him. I don't like ending on a bad note.
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Yeah Jack doesn't want to talk to me, but I want to talk with him. I don't like ending on a bad note.
Watch out, your female is the next target!
Jan is saved, but at what cost? Such is life...
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