A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep. The programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I'll ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" Now, that got the engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question, "what is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the programmer $5.
Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer, "what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.
The programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well? What's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer and returns to sleep.
One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying.
The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.
As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.
Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I am an engineer."
...and the Lord sat down and cried with him.
If you ever want to go into the engineering field, then you've gotta know these crucial engineering terminologies:
Engineering Terminologies (parenthesis are translations or definitions)
1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.)
2. Close project coordination. (We should have asked someone else.)
3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem. (We just hired 3 guys. We'll let them kick it around for a while.)
4. Major technological breakthrough. (Back to the drawing board.)
5. Customer satisfaction believed assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get anything at all from us.)
6. Preliminary operational test were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch!)
7. The test results were extremely gratifying. (It works and boy are we surprised.)
8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)
9. It is in the process. (It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.)
10. We will look into it. (By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we will assume you have forgotten about it.)
11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this job.)
12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done.)
13. Give us your interpretation. (Your warped opinion will be pitted against our good sense.)
14. See me, or Let's discuss. (Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.)
15. All new. (Parts not interchangeable with previous design.)
16. Rugged. (Too heavy to lift.)
17. Lightweight. (Lighter than rugged.)
18. Years of development. (Finally got one that worked.)
19. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)
20. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix!)
None.