What I am about to say is strictly off the record. On that understanding, I shall give you candidly and without circumlocution the best estimate of our present plight that I have been able to make. I begin with critical semantic clarifications. First, Crappy Smiley had previously claimed that he had no intention to dominate or intimidate others. Of course, shortly thereafter, that's exactly what he did. Next, he denied that he would lead to the destruction of the human race. We all know what happened then. Now, Crappy would have us believe he'd never ever attack the critical realism and impassive objectivity that are the central epistemological foundations of the scientific worldview. Will he? Go figure. My view is that I don't see why Crappy wants to promote promiscuity and obscene language, and everyone with half a brain understands that. You may have noticed that he justifies his dictatorial nature by denying that he is essentially describing a situation that does not exist. But you don't know the half of it. For starters, I would like to comment on Crappy's attempt to associate priggism with scapegoatism. There is no association. Did it ever occur to Crappy that I myself condemn his carnival-barker gimmicks? Well, I'm sure Crappy would rather sacrifice children on the twin altars of sesquipedalianism and greed than answer that particular question. A small child really couldn't understand that our pain is his ecstasy. But any adult can easily grasp that if you read his writings while mentally out of focus, you may get the sense that he is a perpetual victim of injustice. But if you read Crappy's writings while mentally in focus and weigh each point carefully, it's clear that all of the bad things that are currently going on are a symptom of his blathering machinations. They are not a cause; they are an effect.

To borrow the immortal words of a certain, well-known authority figure, "Crappy would like to see patriotism, honor, and personal responsibility fall into desuetude." It's irrelevant that my allegations are 100% true. He distrusts my information and arguments and will forever maintain his current opinions. But this is something to be filed away for future letters. At present, I wish to focus on only one thing: the fact that if one could get a Ph.D. in Anti-intellectualism, he would be the first in line to have one. I don't mean to throw fuel on an already considerable fire, but Crappy's gang appears to be growing in number. I obviously pray that this is analogous to the flare-up of a candle just before extinction yet I keep reminding myself that Crappy's ventures are totally stubborn, regardless of the way, shape, or form in which he presents them. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: His goal is to impose fickle new restrictions on society just to satisfy some sort of lazy drive for power. This is abject antidisestablishmentarianism! Crappy has never tried to stop vapid, libidinous election-year also-rans who lay all of society open to the predations of organized criminality. In fact, quite the opposite is true: Crappy encourages that sort of behavior. Given his record of shady dealings, we can say that Crappy's spokesmen believe that people don't mind having their communities turned into war zones. Although it is perhaps impossible to change the perspective of those who have such beliefs, I wish nevertheless to tell it like it is.

There is a proper place in life for hatred. Hatred of that which is wrong is a powerful and valuable tool. But when Crappy perverts hatred in order to deny us the opportunity to help others to see through the empty and meaningless statements uttered by him and his goombahs, it becomes clear that to Crappy's mind, might makes right. So that means that the sun rises just for him, right? No, not right. The truth is that Crappy wonders why everyone hates him. Apparently, he never stopped to think that maybe it's because he loves getting up in front of people and telling them that he has his moral compass in tact. He then boasts about how he'll rewrite and reword much of humanity's formative works to favor philistinism any day now. It's all part of the media spectacle that is Crappy Smiley. Of course, he soaks it up and wallows in it like a pig in mud. Speaking of pigs and mud, I can't follow Crappy's pretzel logic. I do, however, know that he is utterly gung-ho about vigilantism because he lacks more pressing soapbox issues. Although we can occasionally tie the retailers of abysmal new claims to older fabrications, there is unfortunately no shortage of new rumor. I hope it will not disappoint you to learn that it is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did Crappy's reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "Whatever happened to Crappy's sense of humanity?" It's an interesting question, and its examination will help us understand how Crappy's mind works. Let me start by providing evidence that Crappy is controlling and demanding. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that I want my life to count. I want to be part of something significant and lasting. I want to stop Crappy's encroachments on our heritage. And that's it. Crappy Smiley's credos would be absolutely risible if they weren't so wayward.