OMG ROFL HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you say to a black jew?

Hey you! Get to the back of the oven!

Whats with all the jew jokes O_O. I'm not jewish or anything but thats so mean .

Because jews are people who belong to the religion. Its only offence when the person refers to ethnic jews.
Like heres one.

Why do jews have such big noses?
Because the air is free.

Whatever, I just don't like racist jokes.

A few jokes that I found quite amusing...


A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer and a software engineer are travelling in an old Fiat 500 (Bambino) when all of the sudden the car backfires and comes to a halt.bThe mechanical engineer says "Ah! It's probably a problem with the valves, or the piston!" The electrical engineer says "Nonsense! It's most probably a problem with the spark plugs or the battery!" The software engineer says "How about we all get out of the car, and get back in again".


A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologists conclusion: "They have reproduced." The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it will be empty again."


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?''


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"


There was an engineer, manager and programmer driving down a steep mountain road. The brakes failed and the car careened down the road out of control. Half way down the driver managed to stop the car by running it against the embankment narrowing avoiding going over a cliff. They all got out, shaken by their narrow escape from death, but otherwise unharmed. The manager said "To fix this problem we need to organize a committee, have meetings, and through a process of continuous improvement, develop a solution." The engineer said "No that would take too long, and besides that method never worked before. I have my trusty pen knife here and will take apart the brake system, isolate the problem and correct it." The programmer said "I think your both wrong! I think we should all push the car back up the hill and see if it happens again."


A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were each given the following problem to solve.

A school dance floor included a straight line down the middle dividing the floor in two equal halves. Boys were lined up against one wall and girls against the opposite wall, each facing the center line. They were instructed to advance in stages towards the center line every ten seconds, where the distance from the person to the center line at each stage is equal to one-half the distance at the past stage.

ex: If the starting distance from the wall to centre line was D, the progressive series of distances at t = 0, 10 seconds, 20 seconds... 10n seconds to the centre line is (D, D/2, D/4, D/8, .....D/2n)

The question is, when will they meet at the middle?

The mathematician said that they would never meet.
The physicist said they would meet when time equals infinity.
The engineer said that in one minute they would be close enough for all practical purposes.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Nov 27 2007, 8:18 am by MillenniumArmy.

lol @ MA's.

Did you hear about the happy Roman?

He was Glad-he-ate-her.

Shoot me too:

What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?

Stop laughing and reload.

Sorry.

I'm sorry I didnt get a single joke. But I do know what there suppose to be.

I understood the first one, with the software engineer because they always do stuff like restart a computer to get it working or something. Same with the other ones with programmers. I didn't quite understand some of the other jokes though .

Those are freaking horrible. I think the joke of this thread is no one can close it

That one's great.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Nov 28 2007, 3:57 am by Ejac.

Those jokes just make fun of engineers, mathematicians, and programmers, nothing more. Oh and the one with the Liberal Arts dude... well the thing is pretty much everyone makes fun of Liberal Arts major people, saying how they cannot get any good jobs and such.

I like the civil engineers one.

A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep. The programmer persists and explains that it's a real easy game. He explains, "I'll ask a question and if you don't know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I'll pay you $5." Again, the engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!" Now, that got the engineer's attention, so he agrees to the game. The programmer asks the first question, "what is the distance from the earth to the moon?" The engineer doesn't say a word and just hands the programmer $5.

Now, it's the engineer's turn. He asks the programmer, "what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?" The programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the engineer and hands him $50. The engineer politely takes the $50, turns away, and tries to return to sleep.

The programmer, a little miffed, asks, "Well? What's the answer to the question?" Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer and returns to sleep.




One day in heaven, the Lord decided He would visit the earth and take a stroll. Walking down the road, He encountered a man who was crying.

The Lord asked the man, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said that he was blind and had never seen a sunset. The Lord touched the man who could then see and was happy.

As the Lord walked further, He met another man crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man was born a cripple and was never able to walk. The Lord touched him and he could walk and he was happy.

Farther down the road, the Lord met another man who was crying and asked, "Why are you crying, my son?" The man said, "Lord, I am an engineer."

...and the Lord sat down and cried with him.



If you ever want to go into the engineering field, then you've gotta know these crucial engineering terminologies:
Engineering Terminologies (parenthesis are translations or definitions)

1. A number of different approaches are being tried. (We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.)

2. Close project coordination. (We should have asked someone else.)

3. An extensive report is being prepared on a fresh approach to the problem. (We just hired 3 guys. We'll let them kick it around for a while.)

4. Major technological breakthrough. (Back to the drawing board.)

5. Customer satisfaction believed assured. (We're so far behind schedule that the customer is happy to get anything at all from us.)

6. Preliminary operational test were inconclusive. (The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch!)

7. The test results were extremely gratifying. (It works and boy are we surprised.)

8. The entire concept will have to be abandoned. (The only guy who understood the thing quit.)

9. It is in the process. (It is so wrapped up in red tape that the situation is almost hopeless.)

10. We will look into it. (By the time the wheel makes a full turn, we will assume you have forgotten about it.)

11. Please note and initial. (Let's spread the responsibility for this job.)

12. Give us the benefit of your thinking. (We'll listen to what you have to say as long as it doesn't interfere with what we have already done.)

13. Give us your interpretation. (Your warped opinion will be pitted against our good sense.)

14. See me, or Let's discuss. (Come down to my office, I'm lonesome.)

15. All new. (Parts not interchangeable with previous design.)

16. Rugged. (Too heavy to lift.)

17. Lightweight. (Lighter than rugged.)

18. Years of development. (Finally got one that worked.)

19. Energy saving. (Achieved when the power switch is off.)

20. No maintenance. (Impossible to fix!)

What's faster than the speed of light?
A Jew with a coupon.

Why did the toddler drop his lollipop?
Because he was hit by a truck.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Sixteen, one to screw in the light bulb and fifteen to form a support group.

Why are blacks getting stronger?
Because T.V.'s are getting bigger.

What did the blonde's left leg say to the right?
Nothing, they have not met yet.

That's all I can really think of at the moment.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche.

I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

In the theme of bad baby jokes:

What's the difference between a punching bag and a baby?

Absolutly nothing.

The reason Jordann and inferno didn't get your jokes is because they're both young. I thought some of yours were quite funny. (I just read your first spiel so far)


I lol'd. I'm not racist, but that doesn't stop some of the jokes like this from being funny. Don't be sorry.

MA's remind me of