ARNIE
Grade: 12
Age: 18
What you look like, health problems:
http://tinyurl.com/ARNIEPICSMotivation: To be a cologne salesman
Hobbies/activities done after school: Wrestling
Status with friends, family, etc, and enemies you may have had in your 'old life': Loved universally
Where you're from...what state/city, where your parents live (ie are the overseas celebrating now that you're gone in Bermuda?): Dearly missed
What got you sent here excessive tardies, anger mismanagement, deviancy, etc: Tragic misunderstanding involving a telephone cord, a Norwegian Elkhound, pineapples, a bottle of Apple cider, and a bus full of children
Classes you excel/do poorly at: Excels at PE, Autoshop; Failing all other classes
Backstory:
In the time shortly before 1993, there were those within the sinister city of Soxun who did not agree with the evils perpetrated by the Soxian City Council. The City Council had just put down a coup attempt from the self-proclaimed Mayor Raschallion, and a crackdown on any form of dissent against the new city council was underway. These political and social outcasts, known as the Gray Order, sought to leave their neighbors in peace as they committed terrible crimes. The leaders of this outcast society were a married couple: Gregori Hastur, the Gray Guy, and his wife Amoline, the Shadow Bitch. Together they led an exodus of pedophiles and other social outcasts from Soxun, resettling their followers beyond the city limits to the northern reaches of Canada. Though survival was a challenge at times, the Gray Order's colony managed to thrive in a land where so many others would have failed.
Years after the exodus, Gregori and Amoline had a child: Arnie. Early on, Arnie's parents knew there was something special about their son. At the age of two, Arnie miraculously choked a bear with his bare hands - a ferocious denizen of the petrified forests outside the colony - turning it into his pet. To this day he keeps his bear ''Timbers'' by his side, often keeping him tied up and on a leash to be carried like a child's toy. The combination of Arnie's lineage and the strange location of his birthplace have given this little boy tremendous muscles. It is this same boy who now finds himself as one of the most sought-after people within the Hushcreek Boarding School - even by the school officials that would have expelled him had his parents not paid them a substantial bribe to take him.
''Arnie may be one of the most aggressive students ever to walked in this school's halls. I shudder to think of his capabilities when he becomes an adult.'' - School Counselor Jamal Jenkins
"ARNIE iZ SuM rEEL tHuG SHyT nigguh. y4 FuK W1t h1M y4 fuKKiN y0 0WN 4ZZ UP"
[sic] - Arnie's ex-girlfriend Latifah Dominique
"You niggas seen mah nigga Timbers?"
[sic]- Arnie
Details:
Age: 18
Height: 233 cm
Weight: 255 kg
Eye Color: Greener than turning off the solar powered lights when you leave a room
Hair Color: Blacker than a sheet of carbon nanotubes that captures nearly every last photon of every wavelength of light.
Hair Style: Curlier than hair after being curled by hair curlers. Longer than a really long pencil.
Race / Nationality: 1/2048 Afghan, 3/2048 Irish, 2/2048 Polish, 1/2048 Ukrainian, 5/2048 German, 1/2048 American Indian, 4/2048 Afro Brazilian, 1/2048 Akha, 4/2048 Garinuga, 2/2048 Mundurucu, 3/2048 Inuit, 2/2048 Sarakatsuni, 1/2048 Chilcotin, 2/2048 Yaghan, 1/2048 Mansis, 63/64 African
Clothing Preference: Black suits
STR: 95.25
DEX: 310
CON: 1716
INT: 3.14159265
WIS: 80.5
CHA: 30
COM: >9000
Miscellaneous FactsCollapse Box
3.26% Body fat
Can kill someone 100 different ways with one finger
The world's most intriguing man.
If he were to pat you on the back, you would list it on your resume.
Both sides of his pillow are cool.
When in Rome, they do as he does.
He is the life of parties he has never attended
Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetised it.
If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
If he were to punch you in the face, you’d have to fight off the urge to thank him.
None.