Ok, I'll start with the basics.
My map will be an openish rpg (sorta like quests open rpg, but it'll actually has quests and requires effort XD), set in a neo-fantasy era, that is, there are modernish technologies (rifles, flying machines, cloaking, plasma cannons) but also fantasy creatures are still a strong force and some species still have a medieval mindset. There will be at least 3 comps, probably 4, as diplomacy between the factions is a key factor in the workings of the map. Here is a short general history (from the perspective of the humans) of the world the map takes place in:

The world is falling apart. The once supreme Humanoid Alliance (composed of elves, humans, and gnomes) is beginning to break apart, while a new superpower, the Unholy Powers (of the undead, werewolves, demons, and anyone else who will join) is on a steep rise. Nazi-like movements in the southern part of the human domain threaten to split the human species into two groups - one democratic, and another fascist. Meanwhile, a new breed of gnomes, the Dark Gnomes, has suddenly appeared and joined the Unholy Powers shortly after the werewolves did. While the humans and gnomes try to maintain control of the nearly sacred (still haven't thought up a name) River (the only river in the map, it effectively splits it in two; the only way to get across it is by ship, making seafaring important), the elves face their own crisis, or rather, they embrace it - the elves are being assimilated by the Evil Orb of (still need a name). If this orb succeeds in completely controlling the elves as a hivemind, the elves would surely break apart from the Humanoid Alliance, which is not only a threat to us militarily, but would also cripple the gnomish economy (the gnomes make huge profits off of the elves' addiction to magic due to their monopoly over most of the mana mines). Meanwhile, a bit to the east of the elvish capital, a new race - the Fungiform - has appeared out of nowhere. The Fungiform contaminate virtually everything they touch, be it the ground, buildings, or a person. They reproduce at a ludicrous rate and there seems to be no effective way to fend them off. In addition to these new threats, another new race - the Merfolk - have appeared off the coast, near the end of the river. They are extremely aggressive and make it almost impossible to sail on the southern part of the river. In short, our old enemies are teaming up, and new enemies are coming out of nowhere. As another problem, several humans seem to be going insane - they are proposing that the two Ends of the World - the Icy Black and the Southeast Ocean, from which the merfolk seem to be coming from - are not actually the end of the world. Some people even think that they can build machines to sail in the Icy Black, just like we build ships. Madness. There is increasing paranoia about a "Southeastern Bloc" that's going to slowly encroach upon our lands and eventually destroy us all. Again, madness.
The only silver lining is the supposed arrival of new heroes, blessed by the gods. They are supposedly souls created for the very purpose of herowork, sent to possess otherwise normal bodies and save us. Of course, every species seems to believe that they are the ones who are getting these heroes, only adding to the tensions between us.

Here is a brief overview of each of the major races (from an omniscient perspective):

1.) The humans
The humans are generally portrayed as being stubborn, (as you can see from their description of the current state of events) and greedy (although not as greedy as the gnomes). They are usually democratic or Nazi (a few isolated humans are barbarian tribes). They are obsessed with sex as a recreational pastime, and thus tend to reproduce quickly, although their young take a great deal of time to grow. Their most notable feature aside from their displeasant personality is their complete inability to channel magic: Say a magic crystal's energies were to be channeled to an elf - the elf would conduct the crystal's power, most likely saving some of it to use later, or shoot it back out at an enemy in a bolt, as well as absorbing some of it to satisfy and addiction. If the same crystal's energies were channeled through a human, the human would probably either be electricuted or they would catch on fire. The only human wizards were actually found to be crossbreeds between humans and elves (it is unknown how this happened, as elves cannot produce offspring). They are also physically weak; thus, their military tends to rely on numbers and technology.

2.) The Gnomes
The gnomes are almost exactly like humans, except that they are physically weaker and stronger mentally (although usually not more open-minded). They are even more obsessed with sex than humans; however, they are less open about it, and tend to reproduce in secret clubs rather than rape other species (which the humans frequently do, particularly to the elves). Thus, the gnomish military also relies on numbers and technology. It is also rumored that the gnomish government has more technology than they release to the public. More importantly, the gnomes are extremely capitalistic, and are renowned for their high priecs in stores and toll gates at key chokepoints (you sure get your money's worth with the advanced gnomish technology though... usually...)

3.) The Elves
The primary feature of the elves is their immortality. They never age, and don't die under normal conditions (even if you manage to kill an elf, their soul instinctively travels back to their capital and revives). Thus, they have no sex drive or reproductive capabilities whatsoever. Their females are also extremely beautiful and are known for their supposed sweetness, making them prized targets for rape (particularly by humans). Being treated as sex toys for an extended period of time eventually caused them to develop a knack of using females as diplomatic figures intended to seduce and charm foreign leaders, and it also degraded their morality and value of the individual. Adding to the stress, the gnomes had decided that it was a good idea to put addictive additives in their mana crystals that they sold to the elves, which caused the elves to develop a major addiction to magic. It did create a huge increase in mana crystal sales for the gnomes (like they had hoped), but these things combined also made the elves sitting ducks when the Evil Orb of (still need a name) decided that he should control the elves minds through magic (which made sense, since the elves conducted magic extremely well; trying to do the same thing to a human would just make him explode or somthing of that nature). Gradually the crystal began encroaching upon the toughts of the elves, and eventually transformed them into a hivemind society. In a matter of months, maybe even weeks, the Orb will have completely control of the elves and will likely cause them to break with the Humanoid Alliance, crippling gnomish trade and posing a huge military threat at the same time. That would be bad (for the humans and gnomes. The Fungiform, on the other hand, are probably ecstatic, assuming that they have emotions, as a war between the elves and the gnome/human alliance would allow them to expand virtually unnoticed into the elf-controlled forest, not to mention the rumors that they're actually allied to the Orb.). Since the elves do not reproduce, numbers are barely a concern in their military, and they are renowned for their powerful wizards and mighty warriors. Thus, the elves tend to rely on small, elite groups to fight, which actually works extremely well for them.)

4.) The Svirfneblin (Dark Gnomes; name borrowed from Underdark, a map from Civilization II MGE, a different game)
No one is quite sure where the svirfneblin came from, but there is one popular rumor that goes something like this:
The gnomes were having one of their secret clubs (apparently whoever started the rumor knew about these), when unexpectedly, some machine malfunctioned and created electromagnetic disruptions. The distortions in the brains of the gnomes there were relatively minor, so the government ignored it. The children of those gnomes, however, had differences that were anything but minor - these gnomes seemed to have a decreased appreciation for money, they were constantly thinking of new ideas that no one else ever thought of, and they were even able to channel magic. Naturally, the gnomish government was appaled by these "monstrosities" and exiled them into the wilderness, where the would surely perish. However, before these gnomes came even close to dying in the wilderness, they were found by a kindhearted werewolf who took it upon herself to raise them (this would explain why the svirfneblin tend to be communist; more on that later). Eventually they were allowed into the Underdark (name borrowed from the map Underdark from Civilization II MGE once again =D) with the undead, who were also kind to them, as they had good relations with the werewolves even then. They even shared their dark magic with them, which was the first magic that the dark gnomes were ever allowed to channel. Eventually these gnomes were able to found their own nation and immediately joined the Unholy Powers (coincidentally, the werewolves had joined shortly before). The Svirfneblin, in short, are like normal gnomes, except for their political standing, and that they are communist instead of capitalist, and whereas gnomes value production and profit, the dark gnomes value technology and ingenuity.

5.) The Photoform Lunaphiles (more commonly known as werewolves)
The werewolves, ironically enough, are ledgendary for their teddy-bearishness (is that even a word? XD) and generosity, although the humans refuse to recognize that. A long long time ago (actually not that long ago, but it's been some time), the werewolves were a peaceful race, arranged in small tribes, happily munching on their lunargrass (which no longer exists, as far as anyone knows; the humans foraged it to extinction for it's silvery purple color), not bothering anyone. Then the humans came. The humans took their food supply, the lunargrass, and sold it amongst themselves. They slaughtered the werewolves with weapons that they had never even seen before - weapons that shot fire and metal, weapons that were even stronger than the mightiest warriors the tribes could produce. They called the werewolves "monsters" and "beasts," and even hired "heroes" to exterminate them.
Unbeknownst to the werewolves, this was at the time only a tiny group in the human kingdom. This group, which now controls the largest human city and by far the strongest militarily, expected the werewolves to give up and die off. They didn't.
To replace the lunargrass, the werewolves tried feeding themselves with human blood, which was actually quite tasty and nutritious, they found out. They obserbed that the humans organized themselves in cities and kingdoms, and did so themselves, although they did it differently - the werewolves wanted to be unhuman as they possibly could - whereas the humans were capitalist, the werewolves turned to communism (which would have been their natural course anyways, as werewolf culture greatly encourages sharing and discourages the hoarding of wealth); whereas the humans fought alone with their fancy "rifles" and "tanks," the werewolves found strength in eachother, in their families, and most notably to everyone else, in their friends - the werewolves, who were already on good ties with the undead, offered to create an alliance as strong as the one as the humans and gnomes had, nay, even stronger, and the undead eagerly accepted, officially creating the Unholy Powers, which the demons also joined soon after. The werewolves are also able to channel magic (particularly the dark magic of the undead), however, they usually don't, and many werewolves don't even know of their magical potential, as traditional werewolf culture puts value on the physical strength and mental stability of a warrior; the use of magic or "techology" is traditionally regarded as "cheating" in any battle or duel, although recent relations with the dark gnomes are beginning to reform this attitude. The dark gnomes have even tried designing werewolf-accessible gadgets free of charge, which have begun to catch on in some of the more densely populated areas of werewolf territory.

6.) The Undead (zombies and other miscellanious undead creatures)
The undead have been around longer than anyone can remember. They have been relatively inactive until recent times - the only major occurance in undead history is their creation, which no one knows anything about. It is currently unknown whether everyone who dies becomes undead or if certain rituals have to be done to reanimate the dead.
The majority of the undead population consists of zombies, although there is also a vampiric upper class. Zombies, contrary to popular belief, are extremely industrious, hardworking, and intelligent. You see, they eat brains, from which their bodies can extract information, including memories, technological information, and computational ability in general (this is why zombies generally target scientists and philosophers). Thus, the zombies form the bulk of the undead production, being their technicians, factory workers, engineers, etc.
The Vampires, on the other hand, are the closest thing the undead have to an aristocracy. They are essentially the warrior class of the undead. The vampires are generally power hungry and occassionally tend to do things and govern without Melekh Shiloh's (king of the undead; it's Hebrew - Melekh = king and Shiloh = death or underworld... I think... XD) permission, although the vampires' proficiency in magic and their exceptional physical strength usually more than make up for their misbehavior.

7.) The Merfolk
The merfolk, like the werewolves, were once a peaceful race. They lived in the (still need a name) Ocean, near the Kuponian Archepeligo, which was controlled by a kingdom of humans, completely unaware that there was a world beyond the ocean, or even that there were other groups of humans in the world. But then the Kuponian Empire began to expand. They didn't mean to hurt the merfolk, but increased use of boats and increased fishing slowly drove the merfolk northwards towards the end of the (still need a name) River, as the boats took up space and were annoying in general, and the merfolk diet was primarily composed of fish. Surprisingly enough, the merfolk never made war with the Kuponians, but moved to a new location. That new location just happened to be the coast of the (still need a name) Ocean, not at all far from where the known species (that is, everything listed previously) lived. This was a whole new world to the merfolk. Unfortunately, it was a corrupt, alien world to them. The very air was toxic to them - it was filled with pollution from gnomish factories, with spirits of men that had suffered brutal deaths in battles, with conflicting magics and other bad things in general. The people living there were completely used to it; they didn't notice. The merfolk were driven insane by it. The corrupted air transformed the merfolk into bloodthirsty monsters. At about this time, the humans made contact with them. After a brief conversation with the humans (apparently the merfolk had managed to learn human), the merfolk spontaneously decided that the humans would be their new food supply. They found them to be quite tasty, actually, and it was the beginning of what, as far as the merfolks were concerned, was a glorious relationship with the humans.
The merfolk, like the humans, are obsessed with sex, although not so much as the humans, and like the elves, they are able to channel magic, though not as well as the elves. Ever since being transformed by the polluted atmostphere, the merfolk have bred madly, and a merfolk is completely ready to face the world as soon as it comes out of the womb or hatches from it's egg (merfolk can do both). Merfolk society is also separated into two distinct classes - the "eggling" commoners and the "womb-brought" upper class. Eggs were hoarded into piles and forgotten by the parents, whereas children born in the womb were nutured by a loving uterus and came out to see a smiling mother. Thus, the egglings suffered from a severe lack of love, which affected them greatly, socially and intellectually.
Merfolk military is currently disorganized and composed of only small raids - however, these small raids are conducted with great precision and strategy. Whereas the elves used their sexuality for diplomacy, the merfolk used theirs for warfare - the mermaids would hypnotize the crews of ships with their beautiful voices and lure them into jagged rocks, destroying the ship and stranding the crew, which the mermaids paralyzed with their hypnotic voices and ate alive. At other times, when there were no islands with jagged rocks present, the mermaids would cooperate with the mermen - while the mermans entranced the crew with their songs, the mermen would jab holes in the hull of the ship, eventually causing it to sink. The crew would then be greatly outswam by the merfolk (assuming they woke up from the trance the mermaids had them in), who would eat them alive.

8.) The Fungiform
The fungiform are a brand new race that suddenly appeared a bit northeast to the elvish capital (fyi, they're actually somewhat similar to the zerg if you think about it o_O). They breed asexually, and very quickly - every daynight (that is, the combined time of a night and a day), each Fungiform Tower produces at least one spore, which eventually becomes a Fungiform Tower itself. The Fungiform have no real military, as most of their species is immobile (occassionally, instead of producing spores, they will produce buds that can fly and attack at will). Their primary method of survival seems to be to simply reproduce and infest the land faster than they can be killed. As far as anyone knows, they have no personality or governmental structure, and as they appeared just barely before the timespan in which map picks up, they have no history to speak of.

9.) The Pantokrators (the aliens; "pantokrator" is Greek for "almighty," I think)
The Pantokrators are completely unknown to the other races. The inhabit a two-dimensional patch of space, which is known to most as the Icy Black. They are monarchists and start out on one planet; at the point the map begins, they are preparing to invade and conquer nearby planets and form the first multiplanet empire their world has ever known (note: these "planets" are patches of creep; creep blends in to null perfectly, as it smooths the edges of the null, and it does not retract if the source dies when it's on the null, and units can walk on this creep (and they can walk off into the null, although this is usually a bad idea, as the unit loses control and is put into a constant "junk yard dog"-like system of movements.). However, it is out of the question for almost everyone to believe that their is anything outside the Icy Black - even if there was, there's no way to get past the invisible barrier separating that strange "dirt" stuff from the black, right? WRONG, says the Pantokrator leader, known primarily as Xavistor (I made up the name, but it's probably been used elsewhere) - he dreams of one day where the Pantokrators will break free of the barrier, and when the Pantokrators will invade the land of dirt and grass, and then truly be the rulers of EVERYTHING. Of course, everyone thinks he's crazy.

Ok, I think that's all of the races (I'm running out of space anyways... about 2100 characters left XD). There's also the Kuponian Empire (which is human, but vastly different from the known human kingdom), but I haven't quite decided what they'll be like yet. Most likely, they'll be evil bachillania cultists that try to seduce you, and I'll probably include more than a few mentions of the Kupo Nut trade from which they got their name.

So, I want you to rate my storyline so far with the poll options I'll attempt to provide (as my second thread, this'll be my first poll, I hope I do it right XD). (Sorry if this gets double posted, I was having a wee bit of trouble with the internet... hate how these forum sites log you out if you spend too long typing XD)

I hope you do not expect me to read this, i vote OMG TOO LONG!

I thought for sure I'd pick #2, but I ended up picking #3 after reading half of it (no fucking way I'm reading the rest). There's no way ur ever gonna put more than %1 of that in ur map, but it's always nice to flesh out stuff that's been floating around in your head. The whole 'future' part about it though srsly has such little emphasis that it might as will just be strictly fantasy.

i voted other which will be explained.

first off you forgot demons lol.


Onto the story thing. Well I like they way you describe the races except for their sexual nature and politcal nature. You are either A: Completely against sex unless for procreation only or B: Rabid about sex because of your religous upbringing is so against it. This just makes the story to wierd.

When i think of Rpgs i think normally some kind of battle between the heros and the villans. This is strictly a competion to see who can beat the other. Sex has no part but i can see it being added if your trying to get a point across as to how a race functions (such as the elves). For the rest its jsut completely unecessary.

As for politics thats just wrong. Rpgs are roughly medieval style for the most part and thus there really should be no communism, captialism, ect. Granted some Rpgs break these bounds but i fail to see how one races politics will affect the a rpg like game.

Its not bad story and I somewhat like it but i feel you have too much going on for it to fit in one map. It is also a mix between futristic and fantasy which kinda has its own problems since you roughly went medieval lore in the races.


Overall My opinion: Change the story or compose a new one. Reasons being too complex to effectively fit each piece into a map, Highly Futristic Fantasy with Medival Lore (just not a good combo), and too much off topic stuff for an Rpg.

Lol, I actually only put "OMG IT'S WAY TOO LONG!!!" as an option just as a joke XD. If you don't have the patience to read the darn thing, you probably don't have the patience to learn the map, unless I make it a heck of a lot simpler than I want it to be D=.
Now that I think about it, that's not even my storyline... that's just a basic outline of the historical events that took place before the map started XD. I could write a whole 'nother 20k of characters on character descriptions, hero choices, the kinds of quests you might be getting... muwhahaha. But I won't.

I actually have a pretty good idea of how I would implement most of this, the only problems I'm worried about are stuffing it all in a 256x256 map and fitting all the races into the tiny list of available units (I really hope SC2 comes out with some kind of "hero maker" or unit cloner where you can use as many of the same unit graphics for different units as you want XD)...
The Human Alliance starts in one comp faction, Player 8. When/if the elves break from the human alliance, they go to Player 6. The Unholy Powers are in Player 7. As for the alien guys, I haven't decided if they're important enough to get their own player yet. Player 6's main purpose is to function as the enemy of all, although there's two heroes you can choose that are allied to them (player 6 controls the Fungiform, the Monkeys, the merfolk, miscellanious critters that don't go anywhere else, etc). Players 1 - 5 (possibly 1 - 4) are the heroes. Depending on what hero they choose, they'll be allied to a certain faction (or no faction in some cases). Oh, and all the stuff about the history and the governments doesn't really matter for actual gameplay except for explaining the behavior of the npcs (ie, if the first thing you asked upon walking into a werewolf town was where to find the marketplace, they'd probably be insulted that the first thing you thought of was buying things from them, whereas the gnomes would be proud of their business and start listing off everything they have to sell. Yah, I plan to have those kinds of options available to the players, I might have to scrap some of them >_<). I might make the governments affect a city's income.
Each town will have npcs that give quests (note that if the questgiver dies, you can't ask him about the quest, although if you inadvertedly complete a quest and someone who cares is alive, you'll probably get rewarded). Usually these quests require you to do something that harms an enemy town or group (ie, the werewolves might ask you to search a human city's wall for a weak point, or the gnomes might as you to test out their new "tanks" on an enemy target).

Oh, and yes, I think I did forget the demons (I think I forgot to tell you about the Monkey King too) XD. I'm probably gonna have to remove them anyway, I'm running out of space, both terrainwise and unitwise (as in, the amount of units that don't already have another role).
So take out all the stuff about sex except for the elvish storyline? I suppose that means no more seductive bachillania cultists for the Kuponians? Darn, I'ma have to come up with a new challenge for the players... by the time they get over their, physical combat might be too easy for them...

EDIT: Oh, and I kinda had to mix some modern elements in it, or else the humans and gnomes would be horribly underpowered. The humans are barely surviving with guns and tanks (tanks come later in the map though), they'd be gg'ed from the start if all they had to fight with was swords and bows XD.

How old are you? 14?

16 as of a few days ago. Does it matter? Are you trying to tell me that my storyline looks like it was designed by a little kid ???

I managed to read most of it, and then forget most of what I read.

Here's what I got out of it:
There are a ton of races messin' up human shit, but at least humans can rape hot elves.

... Er, you need to work on your memory XD.

If I had to sum up the entire story in one sentence, it'd be this:
The world is falling apart because the humans and gnomes were stupid and exploited people like the elves and abused people like the werewolves.

Or, you need to work on your story telling skills because your storyline is not engaging at all.

Now THAT makes more sense o_O. Why didn't you just tell me that in the first place if that's what you were trying to say? Meh.

How can I work on my storytelling skills? How can I make it so that people can understand it and see the basic fictional history in my map instead of just looking and seeing a wall of text? Do I tell the people things in a certain order? Is there specific stuff I'm supposed to include?

Use more attention grabbing words.

Draw more connections between events in your story.

Tell the same story from multiple perspectives.

Use words that everyone will be familiar with.

Relate your story to thinks the audience already cares about.

Emphasize key points.

Use Exclamations and Questions to break up the lecture feel of it.

Ok thanks, I'll try and remember all this next time I try to write a story.
My list of questions is relatively short (compared to what people normally get from me XD):
1.) Attention grabbing words? What would those be? Interjections? Big words in bold?
2.) Draw more connections... I thought I did that... how do I make my connections more visible? Or did I just not have enough (I'll count them later if you want me to)?
3.) How do I know what words people will be familiar with?
4.) How do I know what the audience already cares about?
5.) How would I emphasize key points? Bolding? Interjetions? Italics? All caps? Font size? Or are any of these ok?

Sorry if I sound kinda stupid, it's part of me having Asperger's Syndrom >_< (for those of you who don't know, Asperger's is a mental condition related to Autism that greatly enchances intellectual ability while reducing social insticts and understanding of social things in general).

To avoid walls of text the literal way is to break into paragraphs. Its rather hard to read on the computer much less this site. Normally on here i split everything into 3 line blocks whether or not its the same paragraph. If i wish to split ideas i will generally double or triple space blocks that differ from each other. This may not be the most usefull always but it sure makes reading a whole hell of alot easier.

Ah, ok, that might be helpful for me to remember =). I personally don't understand how spacing makes things easier to read (it's the same information isn't it?), but apparently my target market does. Meh. I'm probably gonna end up trashing this world description, it's too... weird XD.

Massive blocks of text with zero spacing makes people less likely to read it.

I know the "Omg story too long" option was just a joke, but you should seriously cut it down to a resonable size. I didn't read any of it, sorry, but I'm sure you can find some way to shorten that up, or else you're going to be met with a ton of lazy people like myself who skip over it.

Here's an example.

Bad Story Telling: I was at Hooters, and the waitress had big boobs. It was enjoyable.

Good Story Telling: I'm sitting at Hooters with my friends, and this chick walks up to the table. She had a HUGE rack! I'm not even joking: These were probably the nicest set of boobs I've ever seen in my life. My friends agreed that this girl was definitely a 10.

Storytelling is something that takes a long time to master, but there are quite a few tips, such as the ones I used earlier.

Here's a breakdown:

1. Use more attention grabbing words.

The word "huge" grabs more attention than "big". Another example of something that will grab attention from my short story is "nicest set of boob's I've ever seen in my life" - which is quite a statement.

2. Draw more connections between events in your story.

The story has to flow. This is incredibly important. This is the flow of my short story: I'm at Hooters -> There is a hot girl -> My friends and I admired the hotness -> End. If your story doesn't flow well, no body is going to get interested enough to finish it.

3. Tell the same story from multiple perspectives.

I tell the same story, but omit the presence of my friends. You might say to yourself "Well, what if you don't have a good taste in women" or "Who are you to judge boobs", but when I include the opinions of my friends, it adds to the credibility of what I said, and will enhance your ability to really picture how hot said girl was, or at least believe that there was a girl, and she was hot.

4. Use words that everyone will be familiar with.

If I were to say something like, "I was graced by the magnificent beauty of the sacred curves - in which the mammary gland resides" People would 1. Think I'm strange or 2. Not even understand that I'm talking about boobs. I choose to use words like "Rack" and "set of boobs" because guys commonly refer to them as such. It's pretty easy to find which words people are familiar with because they're probably the words you and your family and friends use the most frequently, or the ones you see said the most online or on TV.

5. Relate your story to thinks the audience already cares about.

Easy- My audience for the short story I wrote are males ages 13 - 20 because majority of people who go on this site fit this description. I'm not going to talk about the girl's personality, or her work habits, or her family ancestry because - you guessed it - very few people would care. But, boobs on the other hand, Majority of males ages 13 - 20 who are going to read my short story care about boobs. Because of this, I am going to emphasize the boobs when I tell the short story.

6. Emphasize key points.

My key point of the story was that this chick was hot. It is emphasized by the phrases. "Huge rack" "nicest set of boobs" "agreed that she was definitely a 10." I could have told the story without going into all this detail, it would be shorter for one. However, it'd also be unmemorable and boring to read. The repetition of detail about the chick's hotness is my emphasis on that key point.

7. Use Exclamations and Questions to break up the lecture feel of it.

The examples of this in my short story are 1. The bold capital letters of "Huge" and the exclamation mark that follows. With this, the audience will be able to tell that yes, this was a significant part of the story. If nothing in your story is more significant than the rest, it's just a lecture. Stories have Climaxes, the point at which the excitement is greatest. I could drag my short story out by telling you the day I was at hooters, which hooters location I visited, who went with me, ect. But It's short. However, the climax is still the part of the story where I describe seeing the hot chick. This is the one part of the story which cannot be excluded, because without it- there would be no story to tell.

-END OF LESSON

p.s. Don't use your condition as an excuse for anything. Also, don't try to explain it to people when you don't even understand it yourself. It DOES NOT lead to increased intelligence or social inabilities. It comes from a higher intelligence, and the social inabilities are a side effect of the lifestyle that either yourself or your family has chosen for you. Don't blame that kind of shit on an illness, you'll never get better that way, and you're going to piss off people with similar circumstances.

Ok, most of that makes sense. It took me a few seconds to figure out what "rack" meant, but meh. By the way, how did you color your text like that?

Oh, and will this topic get deleted after being dead for long enough, or will I be able to look it up at any time and therefore not have to worry about copying this article?

Why is it that whenever I talk about Asperger's, everyone has different views as to what it is? o_O

EDIT: So I'm really the only one who thinks that "magnificient beauty of the sacred curves in which the mammary gland resides" makes more sense and sounds better than "rack of boobs"? Besides being easier to understand, it also makes you look smarter o_O.

So, I'm also weird in that I care more about a girl's personality than her boobs? Boobs are nice (soft warm pillows for a husband to rest on... ), but the girl's personality matters more in a dating/marriage relationship (and why bother lusting after a girl if you aren't willing to get into a relationship?). I suppose I'm the only one who thinks it out like that? o_O

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Jun 7 2009, 11:43 pm by Jesusfreak.

No, don't think of yourself as such an exception. You're not, so don't waste your time trying to pull that shit on someone who can see right through it.

My story is aimed at the average person, not someone who wants to find every way to have it not apply to their attention. I am willing to bet that anyone who reads my short story will be able to tell me what happened if I ask them 10 minutes later, that wasn't the case with your story. If you don't want my advice, that's fine - don't take it. But you don't have to go against it. Well, I guess it doesn't matter one way or the other.