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What the hell was Blizzard thinking?, ITT: we protest censorship

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Creator: MC²Voyager7456
Time: Aug 21 2010, 6:22 am

Post #1     MC²Voyager7456 Aug 21 2010, 6:22 am

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As those of you reading the banned words topic might have noticed, there are quite a few restrictions on what you can have in the descriptions of SC2 maps.

To protest this absurdity, I'd like you all to come up with descriptions of perfectly innocent maps using as many censored words as possible, and then complain on the B.net forums that you can't publish your maps. Here are a couple that I've come up with:

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Richard "Dick" Blizzard, Moses Germanis and Osama van Dyke only had a single duty on the space colony of Nova Africa: apply lubricant to the gears that kept the colony's engine running. But when the Zerg attack, our intrepid threesome is given a suicide mission: to sneak through the backdoor of the Zerg's infested anthrax factory and assassinate their leader, Kerrigan, before she can complete the genocide of the human race.

Will our heroes blow up the deadly factory and make it back home in time for turkey dinner? Find out in this thrilling StarCraft adventure! (PS: I haven't had time to polish this map, so the AI might suck a bit.)


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Buddah England, magna cum laude graduate of the Counter-Terrorist Academy in Norway, is called in when a rogue element of the Russian military constructs a deadly tower in the center of Canada's capital. Can Buddah stop their deadly erection from dispensing sarin gas? one thing's for certain - if he succeeds, there will be a party in the spirit of the gay nineties!

Please enjoy my first-ever StarCraft map!




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Christian, a simple chicken farmer from Ireland, brings his wares to the market every month. All those countless hours of scrubbing chicken poop from the bottom of the henhouse will be worth it, if he can just deliver those plump, succulent breasts and wings to the starving farmers in Dublin. Setting out on his trusty ass, Oscar, Christian begins a long journey fraught with peril and deceit...

A StarCraft RPG that will blow you away!




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In my newest StarCraft adventure, Sarah Pope, detective of the fairer sex, investigates a series of murders in northern Switzerland. With the town in lockdown after a fierce blizzard, her partner that usually aids her in these matters is stuck in his condominum over 50 miles away. Can our heroine succeed in the face of such adversity?



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SCV Shuttlecock: The spiritual successor to the popular StarCraft map, SCV football.



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Jesus Rodriguez, a young Mexican cook, has embarked on a long journey from the ghetto he grew up in to New York
City, culinary capital of America. Can his restaurant succeed? Or will he merely be the butt of many a joke? Find out in the world's first StarCraft cooking map!

Version 1.03: Fixed a bug with the "extra virgin olive oil" and "cooking alcohol" ingredients not spawning



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Follow the exploits of Dick van Dyke in a hilarious StarCraft comedy as he attempts to return the fetish idol of the Anasazi tribe before doom befalls them all!



EDIT: a link to my topic on the B.net forums, please post some more there: http://us.battle.net/sc2/en/forum/topic/540695310

Grayza: You are so self-righteous! I have used all my skills, all my resources, for one perfect chance at peace. And because of you, it is gone! And I am...
Crichton: Frelled? Screwed? Raped? Welcome to the universe, Commandant.
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Post #2     Roy Aug 21 2010, 7:13 am

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Going off of the list from the other thread:
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On the cold planet of Theckis, a Zerg swarm penetrated a small outpost's primary defenses. A blizzard had just resided, and the white snow was slowly being consumed by creep. Upon several hours of assault, several civilians and soldiers lost hope, and some even committed suicide. The outpost's lieutenant, Richard Black, came into the outpost just as a massive wave of Zerg began to attack. While he single-handedly killed many Zerglings, he was unable to save his commander. His superior's last words before he passed were, "Run, Dick. There's too many of them; you can't kill them all."

Black, however, had no immediate means of escaping. He called in for a transport, but there were none remaining on the planet. He sent a distress signal out to neighboring planets, using his best translation of their respective languages.

Now, with precious minutes passing by, Black has to survive the Zerg onslaught, while praying that someone, somewhere, will save him from this doomed planet.
I would check penetrate, assault and pray, because those are also likely censored.

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Post #3     Tuxedo-Templar Aug 21 2010, 10:55 am

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Most of those descriptions immediately came across as innuendo regardless, though. :rolleyes:


Yes, it is pretty absurd. Just use alt characters or something if they weren't smart enough to filter those.
This post was edited 1 time, last edit by Tuxedo-Templar: Aug 21 2010, 11:21 am.

For science.
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Post #4     NudeRaider Aug 21 2010, 2:04 pm

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cockroaches
butter(fly)

Building that many cannons at your expo is just overkill

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Post #5     MadZombie! Aug 21 2010, 2:07 pm

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I don't get. Blizzard can make it's character say 'Bitch' but we can't? At least I'm assuming 'bitch' would be filtered too. wudafuxup?

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Post #6     Undead-Fox Aug 21 2010, 2:26 pm

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So.. when do we get StarCraft II: Cut and Censored?

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Post #7     MC²Voyager7456 Aug 21 2010, 3:29 pm

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Quote from Tuxedo-Templar
Most of those descriptions immediately came across as innuendo regardless, though. :rolleyes:
SCV Shuttlecock is a perfectly legitimate sport!


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Yes, it is pretty absurd. Just use alt characters or something if they weren't smart enough to filter those.

It's not like I really want to publish a map. I was just hoping if we raised enough of a fuss, Blizzard would realize how ridiculous this is.

Grayza: You are so self-righteous! I have used all my skills, all my resources, for one perfect chance at peace. And because of you, it is gone! And I am...
Crichton: Frelled? Screwed? Raped? Welcome to the universe, Commandant.
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Post #8     Artanis186 Aug 21 2010, 9:47 pm

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Please... I'm sure they already know with all the complaints they likely see. They just like to exercise their right to ABUSE POWER.

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Post #9     Ahli Aug 21 2010, 9:58 pm

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Nothing yet! Almost done. Very powerful, very strong.
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Since they have that map report function, they could get rid of the false positives like cockroach or grape.

They only would have to add a small notice that you can report maps and reported maps would be checked.

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Post #10     Fizzy Aug 22 2010, 2:11 am

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It seems blizz is trying to go for a more "kid friendly" environment...

Honestly if they want younger children to play their games rated teen...and most teens use these words anyway, then make like a disclaimer or something, cause so many parents don't care anyway...

It does get a bit ridiculous with the censorship though, but it could be worse.

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Post #11     NudeRaider Aug 22 2010, 3:59 am

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Quote from Fizzy
but it could be worse.
how?

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Devilesk: "AND OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART [...]" - wait what??
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Post #12     Undead-Fox Aug 22 2010, 4:03 am

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Quote from NudeRaider
Quote from Fizzy
but it could be worse.
how?

It could come to the point where a published map desscription looks like this:
"There once was --- ----- -- that --- ---- ---- was also a --- --- -----. And now, ---- must ----- ------- ------- ----- the ----- ---- before all of the ---- ------ ----- ---, will ---- ------- -----. Otherwise, the ----- ---------- ---- will ----- ---- and the ---- ------ ------- -------- ----- --- -------- ---- --- ------ ---- -- -----. Good ----!"

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Post #13     Dem0nS1ayer Aug 22 2010, 4:32 am

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Why's blizzard trying to appeal to little kids who probably haven't even played SC1. :( Keep your 5-year old shit to WoW, Blizzard.

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Post #14     NudeRaider Aug 22 2010, 4:46 am

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It's because there's more little kids than sc1 veterans. It's not about preserving a franchise or continuing a legacy, it's all about revenue.

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Devilesk: "AND OUT OF THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART [...]" - wait what??
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Post #15     EzTerix Aug 22 2010, 5:31 am

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If you want my opinion their censorship is complete bs. However as long as the majority of players turn the filter off, the kiddies can endure lines and lines of random symbols for as long as they can.

and then we wouldn't need to care.

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Post #16     HCM™DavidJCobb Aug 22 2010, 6:41 am

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But the filter doesn't affect descriptions, AFAIAA. Descriptions with """obscenities""" (lolz) are blocked, always. You can't upload a """obscene""" description and have it filtered.

(Tripled quotes to illustrate the ridiculousness.)

Here's a random nonsense description that's technically appropriate.
When Lewis Black visited Charles Dickinson's condominium in Taiwan to develop the best way to transport grape juice and seashells through Sasser Pass, they didn't expect Betty White to knock on the residence's backdoors. Find out what crazy misadventures the threesome experience in Gaylord Thompson's acclaimed StarCraft movie map debut!


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Post #17     DevliN Aug 22 2010, 7:16 am

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Oh what the crap, "Black" and "White" aren't allowed? One of my maps has 2 teams, Black and White, and I use those names in the description. Wtfux, Blizzard.

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Post #18     DeVouReR Aug 22 2010, 11:57 am

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Ya, this is fucking ridiculous, I advice saying W.hite and B.lack or something.

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Post #19     MC²Voyager7456 Aug 22 2010, 4:51 pm

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Quote from DevliN
Oh what the crap, "Black" and "White" aren't allowed? One of my maps has 2 teams, Black and White, and I use those names in the description. Wtfux, Blizzard.

Black and white are allowed in map descriptions.

Grayza: You are so self-righteous! I have used all my skills, all my resources, for one perfect chance at peace. And because of you, it is gone! And I am...
Crichton: Frelled? Screwed? Raped? Welcome to the universe, Commandant.
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Post #20     Undead-Fox Aug 22 2010, 6:15 pm

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We can't have the Red Terrans killing Blue Zerg and Teal Protoss just because they're a different color and race than them!

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