This is one of Kame's superfluous text RPGs. It will last until it is trolled into death (please don't) or until we reach a logical conclusion. You control the main character. You use them to investigate the environment around you, to accomplish tasks and to communicate. I'll respond with enough information to get you going on the next action, but in the end it is up to you to guide where the story goes. I find that making something obtusely silly or serious usually ends in a premature death, so we'll play this one by ear.

You are Hal, an androgynous young fellow hired on as an intern at a small upstart company called redTEC, a tech service center for the surrounding homes and small businesses. You are lanky, and not too strong, intelligent or creative. However you have found that with a little work you can start to excel at these activities. Today is your first day at redTEC, and you have just found your office - a small desk placed in the back of a cluttered mess of parts, shelves, and miscellaneous paper for the various functions of the company - invoices, order requests, shipping labels...so on. It is small and dusty and your boss has left you to 'get adjusted.'

Jump out window.

There are no windows in your storage cubicle. However, there is one above your boss' desk. The shade is drawn and he is on the phone with a prospective customer.

Hang boss' phone and then try to jump through the window in boss' room.

Take stairs to roof and jump off the side of the building.

You hit the dial on your boss's phone, prematurely ending his conversation. He looks up with you, his expression turning to amusement as you try to stuff yourself through the shades of his office window.

"Maybe you should go home for the day," he suggests.

Remove pants and yell, "I DON'T WANNA GO HOME, I LOVE THIS PLACE!"

You might want to give up now, Kame.

Nope. Try again.

Check inventory. If possible, choke the boss with the phone wire (unless it's wireless) for making fun of you.

Take stairs to the roof and jump off the side of the building.

You check your pockets. Not being sure how to strangle your boss with your keys or wallet, you decide to do the honorable thing and jump off the top of your office building.

Upon climbing to the top - which is more like shimmying up the drain pipe - you pull yourself onto the tarred roof. You peak over the edge, and you feel a sense of vertigo. Your heart pounds faster as you try to muster the courage to go through with it. Finally, in a motion that was more like being tripped than actually jumping, you tumble forward. You feel death upon you, but everything is brought back to reality when you hit a rather thorny bush. You look up. You only fell one story, and sustained minor bruises and scrapes. Luckily for you you won't have to live down the embarrassment because no one else saw you.

Break off thorn-filled branch and slit wrists.

As much as you try, you cannot slit your wrists. Maybe it's because you're are superhumanly weak. Or maybe it's because the thorns are short. But it seems more like someone somewhere is trying to keep you from killing yourself.

You do sustain a few more bruises though.

Bash head against wall of the building.

Play around in the thorn bush until you have tiny holes poked all over.

Boycott living until the young students of the Hushcreek Boarding School get killed off.

Also trigger Kame's trypophobia by making her imagine Hal covered in tiny holes.

It doesn't do anything!

Oh wait...

*thunk*

You wake up in a hospital room alone. You are hooked up to an IV and that thingy that monitors your heart rate.

Demand that the doctors install a Machine That Goes Ping! to properly monitor your health.

Start spazzing out so the heart rate ascends quickly and the staff get worried.