Staredit Network > Forums > SC1 Map Showcase > Topic: Hero Sanctuary v1.10
Hero Sanctuary v1.10
Sep 26 2009, 8:33 pm
By: Norm
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Oct 18 2009, 12:16 am Xero Post #181



Here's my Ninja story. Hopefully it's not too long, but I am quite pleased with it.

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Oct 18 2009, 12:37 am Norm Post #182



It's pretty sweet, but Can you re-do the part about his rival ninja who summoned things and their battle? It's too naruto-ish. If you know what I mean.



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Oct 18 2009, 12:54 am Xero Post #183



Well, Naruto is based off ninjas :P
I'll see what I can do. Do you not like the Kyubi or what? If it's the Kyubi, then I could try to find another yokai. If it's the ninja, I'll use someone else. If it's the whole battle thing, then...I'll have to think really hard. haha



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Oct 18 2009, 12:57 am Norm Post #184



The main phrase that set me off is the fox with 9 tails. From the little bit of Naruto I've seen back in the day, I thought that's what it was all about. Perhaps think of a more original / interesting beast that could be summoned. Cuz I think what you have sets off a naruto red flag for a lot of people.



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Oct 18 2009, 1:06 am Xero Post #185



Just as factual information, the japanese believed the Kyuubi, a fox with nine tails(As a fox gains more tails, so did its magical power), has enough power to hear or detect anything in the world.

I decided to use Kyuubi because of its common occurrence in various media for its powers. But, I'll go ahead and look for another monster. It'll be very hard since there'll be very few monsters that rival the Kyuubi's magical strength. An eight headed serpent does sound nice...

Edit: I'll try to think of an original beast, but legendary monsters are cool haha :D



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Oct 18 2009, 1:07 am Norm Post #186



I guess that if that's the monster that fits best, then it'll work. I just didn't want the ninja to be associated with a kids show is all.



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Oct 18 2009, 1:13 am Xero Post #187



Guess I'll use the Yamata no Orochi, an eight-headed serpent(dragon) slain by Susanoo. Got some pretty good ideas for changes.



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Oct 18 2009, 1:13 am Norm Post #188



Sweet, Let me know when it's ready for me to read.

UPDATE: Half of the Ninjas spells are done. Substitution and Poof are sweet combos.

EDIT: Just noticed sweet combo spell potential between spell 4a and 2b... I'm getting excited.



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Oct 18 2009, 1:18 am Xero Post #189



Another question, is the rival ninja okay with you? Just had to make sure.



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Oct 18 2009, 1:53 am Norm Post #190



Yeah, he is fine.



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Oct 18 2009, 2:16 am Xero Post #191



This is the revised version.

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Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Oct 19 2009, 2:47 am by Xero.



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Oct 18 2009, 2:26 am ClansAreForGays Post #192



Quote
one of the two, Egypt.
Stopped reading. wtf is Egypt doing in the middle of japanese ninja land?




Oct 18 2009, 2:28 am Xero Post #193



Isn't the game based in Egypt?

Edit: My bad, the Egypt part was part of the backstory. Thought it was the setting of the game. I'll go and fix it.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 18 2009, 2:33 am by Xero.



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Oct 18 2009, 2:44 am Norm Post #194



Lol, Egypt. I didn't realize you typed that when I read through it. Yeah, the game is definitely not based in Egypt, and that's not somewhere where ninjas should go.



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Oct 18 2009, 2:46 am Xero Post #195



Maybe they're just taking a vacation? :P

Anyways, what did you think of the revised story?

Edit: For those who won't bother looking up japanese words, hinote means fire, suterusu means stealth, the meaning of Yamata no Orochi is already in the text.



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Oct 18 2009, 2:48 am Norm Post #196



Besides some grammatical errors, it is good. The battle scene needs some clarification because your phrasing gets jumbled a little bit, but I could edit it for you. I really like the way the story ends with the elder recognizing the ninja who fought even though he was exiled.

The part under the line doesn't fit, because all the playable characters in the map are dead, so they wouldn't be seen walking around anywhere.

p.s. 6/8 Ninja spells completed. I like him even more than CoM =).



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Oct 18 2009, 2:50 am Xero Post #197



Yeah, for the grammatical errors, I have a tendency to switch back and forth between the past tense and present tense. It would really help me if you edited it.

On another note, this thread is 3rd in number of replies in map production :D

Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Oct 18 2009, 3:16 am by Xero.



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Oct 18 2009, 3:37 pm MEMEME670 Post #198



I had to read over the thing like four times to understand where his rival came in...

Maybe make it a full sentence on his rival appearing instead of three words surrounded by commas.



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Oct 18 2009, 7:37 pm Xero Post #199



Which part are you talking about? When I mentioned the rival, there was 2 commas, and the beginning of the next paragraph has 4 commas.



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Oct 19 2009, 12:14 am MEMEME670 Post #200



During his various acts of justice a ninja, with skills rivaling those of the Suterusu’s, also defected from Hinote from his cruel acts of violence among enemies and allies the like.

It makes sense, but it might like a more direct rewording...and i believe a comma goes between various acts of justice, a ninja, might have been why i missed it idk.



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[10:09 pm]
Ultraviolet -- let's fucking go on a madmen rage bruh
[10:01 pm]
Vrael -- Alright fucks its time for cake and violence
[2024-5-07. : 7:47 pm]
Ultraviolet -- Yeah, I suppose there's something to that
[2024-5-06. : 5:02 am]
Oh_Man -- whereas just "press X to get 50 health back" is pretty mindless
[2024-5-06. : 5:02 am]
Oh_Man -- because it adds anotherr level of player decision-making where u dont wanna walk too far away from the medic or u lose healing value
[2024-5-06. : 5:01 am]
Oh_Man -- initially I thought it was weird why is he still using the basic pre-EUD medic healing system, but it's actually genius
[2024-5-06. : 3:04 am]
Ultraviolet -- Vrael
Vrael shouted: I almost had a heart attack just thinking about calculating all the offsets it would take to do that kind of stuff
With the modern EUD editors, I don't think they're calculating nearly as many offsets as you might imagine. Still some fancy ass work that I'm sure took a ton of effort
[2024-5-06. : 12:51 am]
Oh_Man -- definitely EUD
[2024-5-05. : 9:35 pm]
Vrael -- I almost had a heart attack just thinking about calculating all the offsets it would take to do that kind of stuff
[2024-5-05. : 9:35 pm]
Vrael -- that is insane
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