can we echo grace through these halls,
for those who have never heard it at all,
i hope this message reaches you in time.
can you fix all the words that you broke,
from the last time you spoke, you were crying so hard,
i couldn't understand a damn thing you said.
is it so hard, to speak again?
just move your tongue, what comes out, comes out, come on use your lungs be loud!

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Aug 4 2009, 3:26 am by ToA.

wow, this verse is good. What mood/tone are you going for though.

sad/angry.

Your punctuation is a wreck, so I wonder why you even bother putting any. I think you should break up the way that you wrote it down more. It's too hectic the way it is. There are a few good ideas and phrases but I feel that they get swamped within simple language and poor transitions, and are thus not allowed to shine.

The things that I like:


Things I absolutely don't like:

because 'it at all' comes off as very forced (in order to rhyme). The line would be better as something like "for those who could never hear" or something like that.

because even though I often given allowance for poor grammar if it works well, it doesn't here. The lack of a noun before spoke (like, 'we spoke') is just distracting.

because it's too colloquial and slangy.

yeah, get rid of the word damn. It makes the mood questionable, I couldn't tell if I was suppose to read it sad or angry, it really should have 1 tone/mood. If you got rid of that word, it would make the mood much better.

But its your lyrics, I have tons of lyrics I made that my friends tried to get me to edit, and it got quite annoying, so I will respect these lyrics up to a certain point, but these are some good phrases put together.

I insist, consider using capital letters...

i don't give a shit about punctuation or capital letters alright? words. read the fucking words. it could be a fucking block of text, but if it sounds good, who cares about it? seriously dude.

and dapper, last time spoke part was total mistake, i type things down quickly.

lol, seriously guys these are lyrics not a passage from the bible.

Your lyrics are much better in song format than just on paper.

The minute you post this here allows anyone to do constructive criticism. You want people to take you seriously? Type like if you were taking the matter seriously. If you do not like being criticized, I suggest not posting anything at all.

you didn't criticize the lyrics though...just how they were written, when i'm singing these on stage i don't expect 'HOLY SHIT BAD PUNCTUATION!'.
It DOES NOT matter, what does matter are the words on the page.

ToA, AA has a point.

If you want us to take the time to read and give feedback, it's only fair of you to take the time to punctuate and capitalize properly. That way, it's not a chore for us to read, and it would be unfair to ask us to go through a chore to give you feedback. We're doing you a favor, not the other way around, so equal it out, or get out.

Uh, you people are ridiculous. The alls of you. AA's point about capitalization is irrelevant. It really has no affect on lyrics at all. The only comment I made about such a thing was the punctuation, because I don't know why he uses it. It's clear that he doesn't care about it... so why does he even include commas or anything at all? Commas should help the reader understand when to pause and such... but he still doesn't put question marks in the right spots or puts periods where commas should be or commas where periods should be. I just feel like he should really try to do it or not even bother splattering them in.

He makes a point that punctuation doesn't matter when the song is performed... so once again, why include it? @Toa You're supposed to just so that it's read correctly and we can get an idea of the rhythm, seeing as how you haven't posted you actually singing the piece.

Toa, I had suspected that it was just a typo. Wasn't sure though. For some reason I took it like you for sure meant to type it that way.

Last thing, I wish you guys (AA and Ex) would stop telling him to 'get out' or 'leave' just because he doesn't want to take the criticism on matters you know he doesn't care about. Capital letters have nothing to do with taking someone serious or not. Get off your high horse and try to be helpful. The negative attitudes here are childish.

What's childish is throwing a bunch of lyrics out in a manner that is unpleasant to read and expecting feedback.

Unpleasant to read? If it's too "unpleasant to read" for you then don't comment. Don't complain that it's "too unpleasant to read" as if you're actually going to offer something constructive at any point. There was only one legitimate typo in the whole thing. Sure, it'd be nice if he typed it up a little better, but it's nothing to complain about. If anything, it's his loss, right?

Toa, do you plan on making further edits on this verse any time soon?

The lyrics are written out like a song? how else do you want it written out? The commas and periods are just breaks in the song, childish is you fighting about capital letters in a lyrics/music topic.

Amen to this phrase here. And ToA, I would recommend a different place for lyrics, many people are stuck up on punctuation.

Or perform it and post it on YouTube like you have in the past, and then there are no reasons to criticize anything that is typed.