I Understand
May 28 2009, 4:12 pm
By: Pr0nogo  

May 28 2009, 4:12 pm Pr0nogo Post #1



Pretty sure I got the right place. :bye1:

Anyways, I wrote this a few months back and just recently edited it. Yes, it rhymes, and yes, it was for school. Sorry. :crazy:

Here goes!

I Understand

I watch the mouse's haunting green eyes
Looking at me as if it were still alive.
It starts to pry at my mind's eye
And I begin to understand.

There is a beast within me
Like a pack rat in a landfill, its eyes wander with glee.
It knows me in and out, for there is nothing it cannot see.
The beast is me, and as it ravages my mind, I begin to understand.

The knife lay on the table,
The beast is out of its stable,
My life before was but a fable...

...for now, I understand...





May 28 2009, 6:09 pm ForTheSwarm Post #2



You used fable improperly.



None.

May 28 2009, 7:12 pm Pr0nogo Post #3



Orly. Well, I doubt it matters much, but next time I'll try to make it rhyme with some other, more sensible word.




May 28 2009, 11:56 pm Dapperdan Post #4



Quote from ForTheSwarm
You used fable improperly.

No he didn't. It fits perfectly fine. Even if it had been a little off, people around here need to learn to to give writers a little poetic license.

Overall I don't think much of it. It's not anything special, that is. But for what it is, I guess it's nice. I really got the mood at the end of it and I liked that. The repitition of "I understand" works well. The rest of it is just eh, alright. I hate the use of 'my mind's eye'. And no one line in particular really strikes me.



None.

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