I've been hesitant of posting any of my work on SEN because this area is usually filled with three types of people:
1. People who are total crap with writing, and because I've blatantly told them so, no matter what I post, they'd post a negative response to be vengeful.
2. People who are never happy with anything posted here, and compare everything to someone who's been doing this forever.
3. And of course, the 'GO DIE EMO KID BECAUSE ANYTHING YOU POST IS EMO AND IS AUTO-HATED' the most belligerent of all.

I'm sure there will be some remark to that as well, but oh well.

But in spite of that, I thought 'Well, time to give SEN a chance.' and post my latest lyrics.

Your wounds were never the visible kind
But that doesn't mean that everything was all right
Your life had trials of it's own, even if they don't show
I can't pretend and say that I understand
But I'm trying to let you walk away and feel like the bigger man

I never meant to hurt you or bring you down
But this is a small town, and ones neighbor is the enemy
I know that on the inside, you're hurt and bleeding
But I'll try yeah, I'll try, to stop hurting, you now

You were never one of those loud types
Never the life of the party, always so soft spoken, so proud
Of all the things you did even if no one noticed you
But come on, don't tell me you don't get tired of the shadows
Don't tell me you're not through with playing the fool

I never meant to hurt you or bring you down
But this is a small town, and ones neighbor is the enemy
I know that on the inside, you're hurt and bleeding
But I'll try yeah, I'll try, to stop hurting, you now

Can I make amends for the damage I've done
Can you make up for something if you already won
And cast down all who had stood in your way
Even if they never deserved the fate you gave

Can I make amends for the damage I've caused
Stare at the wounds I've inflicted, wrapped in gauze
Feeling like a mad man who lives by no laws
I guess it's time to admit to such flaws

I never meant to hurt you or bring you down
(Bring you down)
But this is a small town, and ones neighbor is the enemy
(The enemy)
I know that on the inside, you're hurt and bleeding
(Bleeding)
But I'll try yeah, I'll try, I'm gonna try, do my best
To stop hurting you now

I'll do my best to take criticism here, I just hope it's constructive. Constructive criticism on SEN? Oh boy, maybe I was drinking.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 24 2008, 7:03 am by Excalibur.

I like it.

I thought for sure you'd fit into the vengeful category. Thank you.

Edit: The end needed some more, so I added, edited, and finished it.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Oct 24 2008, 7:03 am by Excalibur.

I don't understand how this line makes sense. I feel like it should say 'one's neighbor is another's enemy', if you know what I mean. If you leave it as is, it may still make sense to you, but it doesn't at all to me.

Overall the lyrics seem to pretty good. Nothing exceptional... but there's some good stuff...



Those are my two favorite parts.

I don't like the 3rd and 4th verses much. The third verse because it doesn't make sense to me, and the fourth verse because I feel like the rhyming comes off as too forced. It's alright the way it is but I think you could write it better.

The enemy line is a reference to a quote I once heard 'One's neighbor is always one's enemy. That is the nature of things.' or something along those lines. The town I live in is rather small, and I've never managed to get along with anyone who lived close to me.