I avoided posting my own response earlier, as it seemed pointlessly large and long-winded for the thread, but...
Bad Story Telling: I was at Hooters, and the waitress had big boobs. It was enjoyable.
Good Story Telling: I'm sitting at Hooters with my friends, and this chick walks up to the table. She had a HUGE rack! I'm not even joking: These were probably the nicest set of boobs I've ever seen in my life. My friends agreed that this girl was definitely a 10.
We're reading a description for a map. That's not changing, and that's part of the problem. If it's presented as, say, the universe for a DnD-style text-RPG campaign, then readers' attention'd stay a lot longer. Personally, I found your second (set of ) sentence(s) to be much less interesting.
Were I to try to remember the latter, I'd be confusing details in my memory because, honestly, it didn't mean much, and so it would require a high conscious effort for me to devote sufficient mental resources to have absorbed it properly. The first sentence, not so.
Ok, most of that makes sense. It took me a few seconds to figure out what "rack" meant, but meh. By the way, how did you color your text like that?
BBCodes. Look't the buttons above the posting box - quote,
http://, img, @, list, sup, sub, line, Trigger, Progress, assuming it doesn't vary by skin.
Or, for a more direct answer, if the above doesn't help - [ color=#hexvalue]text[/color]
Oh, and will this topic get deleted after being dead for long enough, or will I be able to look it up at any time and therefore not have to worry about copying this article?
So far's I know, threads are recorded for as long as massive bad luck doesn't cause something to happen to the servers and prevent admins from retrieving data from them.
Why is it that whenever I talk about Asperger's, everyone has different views as to what it is? o_O
Incidentally, in my original was-to post, I was going to mention this. It'll come up later, again.
Besides being easier to understand, it also makes you look smarter o_O.
Most people interpret the latter as, "it also makes you look like a pompous ass", rather. In some cases justified, in many not, but that's what happens.
As to the former, "rack" is a common phrase for the subject. "graced by the magnificient beauty" carries connotations of a more reverent subject, which causes problems when the brain runs into something it doesn't expect, as it then has to reorganize how it's interpreting the information, and in a manner which it doesn't like. This all takes energy.
but the girl's personality matters more in a dating/marriage relationship
Which is likely less relevant to a three-sentence story someone's telling on a gaming forum.
(and why bother lusting after a girl if you aren't willing to get into a relationship?)
A. lust is more easily and immediately satisfied than romantic urges.
B. why do so in the first place, in any situation? It's what the human brain does. But I digress...
and you're going to piss off people with similar circumstances.
Actually, what tends to "piss [me] off" is when people tell me not to do something which I've not necessarily done. ( Saying, "This mistake is because of a problem" is not in the least the same as, "I will do nothing about this mistake, as it is because of a problem" ) . But I try not to assume, and on that note, I have no idea if my example is applicable to this case.
I very, very much hope that "ect." is a typo.
Sorry, pet-peeve of mine.
... but not with seemingly arbitrary details that distract from the writing in general. But I'd already covered this.
4. Use words that everyone will be familiar with.
The vocabulary level in what he wrote is plenty low, and your example verbosious sentence was also. A more accurate phrasing would be "to use vocabulary that is appropriate for the subject, based on what connotations and associations words may carry to a person" - "mammary glands" doesn't work in your sentence because, while most people do understand the phrase, they will tend to associate it with a more dry, academic setting.
3. Tell the same story from multiple perspectives.
What you gave would, I think, generally be classified as extra detail, being as it consisted of one's own opinion, and a single, vague one of a collective. It doesn't tell us about what the others saw, only that they expressed agreement on that point.
I personally don't understand how spacing makes things easier to read (it's the same information isn't it?)
Same information, but spacing tells the brain how to organize it. When a new paragraph is encountered, the past few sentences can be relegated to more passive memory, for absorption into long-term memory, as, presumably, they won't have to be reorganized or added onto much thereafter. Keeping stuff in active memory is, besides attentionspan-consuming, less reliable, and results in more data being forgotten due to a lack of room. It's not really too different from computers, where RAM is generally smaller, more volatile, and more energy intensive than harddrive memory, but also easier and faster to remove from, modify, and add to. Problem is that with us, instead of two types of memory, it's a spectrum, and getting further down the spectrum involves either repetitive calling, or a large number of associations between a given memory and others.
Asperger's is a mental condition related to Autism that greatly enchances intellectual ability while reducing social insticts
It tends to correlate with above-average intelligence*
On an unrelated note, depending on who you ask, it actually sits on the highly-functional end of the autism spectrum, rather than somewhere off it.
Also, you sound weird when you try to say that you're socially inept. It's best not to bother. Having ( supposedly- though I don't entirely trust the doctor's diagnosis... ) Asperger's syndrome, myself, I've done that before.
Post has been edited 3 time(s), last time on Jun 8 2009, 7:31 am by EzDay281.
None.