It's not that I don't want your advice, I was just wondering if it was a bad sign that I have the exact opposite personality from what you describe my age group. Guess I'm fine, judging by what you just said.
Why does everyone start attacking me whenever I ask questions?

I avoided posting my own response earlier, as it seemed pointlessly large and long-winded for the thread, but...
We're reading a description for a map. That's not changing, and that's part of the problem. If it's presented as, say, the universe for a DnD-style text-RPG campaign, then readers' attention'd stay a lot longer. Personally, I found your second (set of ) sentence(s) to be much less interesting.
Were I to try to remember the latter, I'd be confusing details in my memory because, honestly, it didn't mean much, and so it would require a high conscious effort for me to devote sufficient mental resources to have absorbed it properly. The first sentence, not so.
BBCodes. Look't the buttons above the posting box - quote, http://, img, @, list, sup, sub, line, Trigger, Progress, assuming it doesn't vary by skin.
Or, for a more direct answer, if the above doesn't help - [ color=#hexvalue]text[/color]
So far's I know, threads are recorded for as long as massive bad luck doesn't cause something to happen to the servers and prevent admins from retrieving data from them.
Incidentally, in my original was-to post, I was going to mention this. It'll come up later, again.
Most people interpret the latter as, "it also makes you look like a pompous ass", rather. In some cases justified, in many not, but that's what happens.
As to the former, "rack" is a common phrase for the subject. "graced by the magnificient beauty" carries connotations of a more reverent subject, which causes problems when the brain runs into something it doesn't expect, as it then has to reorganize how it's interpreting the information, and in a manner which it doesn't like. This all takes energy.
Which is likely less relevant to a three-sentence story someone's telling on a gaming forum.
A. lust is more easily and immediately satisfied than romantic urges.
B. why do so in the first place, in any situation? It's what the human brain does. But I digress...
Actually, what tends to "piss [me] off" is when people tell me not to do something which I've not necessarily done. ( Saying, "This mistake is because of a problem" is not in the least the same as, "I will do nothing about this mistake, as it is because of a problem" ) . But I try not to assume, and on that note, I have no idea if my example is applicable to this case.
I very, very much hope that "ect." is a typo.
Sorry, pet-peeve of mine.
... but not with seemingly arbitrary details that distract from the writing in general. But I'd already covered this.
The vocabulary level in what he wrote is plenty low, and your example verbosious sentence was also. A more accurate phrasing would be "to use vocabulary that is appropriate for the subject, based on what connotations and associations words may carry to a person" - "mammary glands" doesn't work in your sentence because, while most people do understand the phrase, they will tend to associate it with a more dry, academic setting.
What you gave would, I think, generally be classified as extra detail, being as it consisted of one's own opinion, and a single, vague one of a collective. It doesn't tell us about what the others saw, only that they expressed agreement on that point.
Same information, but spacing tells the brain how to organize it. When a new paragraph is encountered, the past few sentences can be relegated to more passive memory, for absorption into long-term memory, as, presumably, they won't have to be reorganized or added onto much thereafter. Keeping stuff in active memory is, besides attentionspan-consuming, less reliable, and results in more data being forgotten due to a lack of room. It's not really too different from computers, where RAM is generally smaller, more volatile, and more energy intensive than harddrive memory, but also easier and faster to remove from, modify, and add to. Problem is that with us, instead of two types of memory, it's a spectrum, and getting further down the spectrum involves either repetitive calling, or a large number of associations between a given memory and others.
It tends to correlate with above-average intelligence*
On an unrelated note, depending on who you ask, it actually sits on the highly-functional end of the autism spectrum, rather than somewhere off it.
Also, you sound weird when you try to say that you're socially inept. It's best not to bother. Having ( supposedly- though I don't entirely trust the doctor's diagnosis... ) Asperger's syndrome, myself, I've done that before.

Post has been edited 3 time(s), last time on Jun 8 2009, 7:31 am by EzDay281.

K, that makes sense, I think =).
Ok, I tried to write a new story for a different, much simpler map, see if this one's any better:

December 21, 2012 - "Man, I never believed that the world would end this year before, but these guys seem pretty bent on making it happen," a soldier at the Missle Base commented. Another soldier spoke - "Yah, these guys are such -" BRRRRRRRZZZTTTT... KABOOM!!! He is interupted by an oncoming missle, which promptly explodes into a dozen little blue balls that individually chased down and exploded upon the civillians outside.
"DO YOUR JOB, YOU MORONS!!!" a rather mean sounding commander barks on the radio. Just then, another missle appeared on the horizon - BRRRRRRZZZTTT... The soldiers scramble to their posts and fire a missle of their own... BRRRRRRZZZTTT... KABOOM! The missles collide and explode in midair, leaving the innocent civillians safe... for now...
But more are coming. Are you ready to stop them?

Gameplay: I might or might not actually make this, depending on whether you guys think it's good enough. In case you didn't notice from the storyline, this game is heavily based off the old arcade classic, Missle Command.
It has six (6) players, and each player controls a missle base (infested command center). The two teams (3 each) are on separate sides of the map, and their goal is to fire missles at the opposing team to kill either all of their bases or all of their civillians. Players build and aim their missles with barracks (or somethinf of that nature) across the sides of the map. When a player builds a unit with one of the barracks, a missle is spawned at the missle base and flies towards that location. If two missles collide in midair, both of them explode on contact, also destroying any other missles caught in the explosion. Also, a player can activate his shields at any time by building an infested terran, which costs 1 gas. To get more gas, a player has to kill the little UFOs that occassionally spawn to the side of the map and roam across.

Sound better?

EDIT: How come bold never works for me? Or is it just really hard to see?

TOO much color, but the story is OK.

Bold is just hard to see.

I was hoping the color would make it easier to distinguish who's talking in case people didn't get it from the text (appealing to the target audience who doesn't like to read and many of which like pretty colors... I think XD). Oh wells, at least I made a better storyline... do you think that'd be a fun map?

Yeah, but it'd kinda be like Galatic Gunnerz... a little TOO much like it. Regardless, it could be fun.

If you've never played it, here's the dl link: http://www.staredit.net/files/1011/

K, I've never played it, but I'll dl it if I start playing SC again... yesterday I stopped playing SC. I had a cold, and for some reason, I always sneezed more when I played SC. Earlier today, I recontacted one of my old buddies from earlier in the year and I'm gonna attempt to make an MMO again =D. I'll surely post about it if I actually get anywhere this time.

Ok, I read the entire thing. A couple of things. (Well, actually.. A lot.)
First of all, Where the hell do you get the idea that gnomes are more mentally powerful than humans? I get the exact opposite. Gimli could totally pwn Boromir in an arm wrestle. Aragorn is way smarter than gimli.

You need to organize your thoughts. I suggest making a series of charts for yourself, (ones that rank 1-8 of the races) in capabilities. Physical power, Mental Power, Magic Channeling Abilities, Technology advancements, all of that.
Next, make a series of charts of who likes who.

When writing huge ass posts like that, it's good to take advantage of some BB Codes. It makes people think it's smaller, and more enjoyable. People like colors and font size changes.

Now, Onto the story itself:
-Ideas are cool, Name the river "The Tadator RIver, or the River of Tatador"
-You seem to be very specific. Don't trip over yourself and self-contradict. You were quite thin on your storylines.
-Your story seems to be way too politically aligned. Sure, politics are good, but I've seen less politics in the 2009 Election than your story. Keep it down a bit. Try to not follow the exact names of the political parties of today. Make up your own names, but describe them to be like the political parties we have today, if you must.

More later, I'm tired. I'll edit this post soon to add more.

Yah, I'm probably gonna ditch this whole thing anyway. SC's kinda old to me.

About gnomes being more mentally powerful than humans.... remember, this is a fantasy, that is, FICTION, story... I can make up whatever I feel like, who says I have to make it like Lord of the Rings? That would result in a cookie-cutter story. Besides, in most of the fantasy stories I've seen, gnomes were always portrayed as ingenuitive and technological.

And yes, I was planning to change the names of the political parties, I just didn't know what to name them, and I gave the actual names of what they were going to represent so you'd know what the heck I was talking about XD.
Oh, yes, and being politically alligned is a result of making this an educational program. Unlike most mappers, I want people to actual walk away having learned something about life (ie, that democracy doesn't work, that communists aren't all evil, what appears to be dark and evil oftentimes isn't, and likewise, what appears to be shiny and pure often is corrupted on the inside, etc) o_O. If it makes my map alligned against liberals (it's probably them my map would go against if anyone, as they make the least sense, particularly in their economics and some of their moral practices), that's perfectly fine.

That part doesn't go against liberals.

You do know that most intellectuals are liberals right? And that what you hear about them from your pundits like Michael Savage and O'Reilly is all bunk right?

I haven't the slightest clue who either of those people are. I'm guessing they're conservative activists? Just because I'm anti-liberal doesn't mean I'm pro-conservative, lol. The conservative values I hear being talked about (ie, don't go into debt, save your money) work well in individual personal life, but it seems that the conservatives don't apply them to the government when they're in power.

I'm one of those people that actually tries to follow my own path as to what's right politically. Similar to what ol' George (Washington) said, political parties are the source of division and strife in America. When are people going to realize that there are parties other than the democrats and republics that just might have some good ideas?

Like I once said, "You have your Republicans/Conservatives on the right side of the political room and your Democrats/Liberals on the left side of the room. I'm up in the balcony, looking down and laughing at them both as they fight eachother and get nothing done." (Yes, I made that quote up, it might be similar to something someone else wrote, I dunno.)

EDIT: Also, some people not might agree on your definition of intellectual =P. I would definitely say that most intellectuals are not liberal, and most are not conservative, and most are not anything, because intellectuals usually either a.) do not exist or b.) come up with their own ideals.

They exist, but chances are you've never met one. [I'm using intellectual as a term for someone who has sufficient capability in all realms of thinking, not just intelligence.] In my opinion, you should develop a lesser-known lesson to be taught in this map. Make it worth actually figuring out. "Things aren't always what they seem" is an over used choice in lessons.

Also, don't waste time on such things as liberalism vs. conservatives. It's nothing important enough to waste time on.

Awesome Story Telling: I was at Hooters, and fucked the waitress in the back room.

NOTHING IMPORTANT TO WASTE TIME ON??? Those two are tearing up my entire country, that sounds pretty important to me! XD

But meh. And Rook, no, that's not good storytelling. It lacks detail, and use of swear words generally turns people off o_O.

On the contrary, I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE TURNED ON IN MY LIFE!

First thing about an open RPG is that it has to be approachable. If you overwhelm the player from the get go, no one will stick around to learn shit about your map. So make it easy to get into. Second, deliver the story in snippets. Don't lay down walls of text. Put villagers who have useful things to say. An elaborate story is not only difficult to deliver, but a lot of work if you want the player to pay attention. You should play Paths Open RPG to get a feel of how a good open RPG should play. There are tons of quests in that map and individual story lines for some heroes. There's also a storyline quest tracking system which pings the location of your current quest.

Ah, first you made sense, then you didn't. Meh.

I was actually planning to give the storyline in pieces in "book" items scattered throughout the map, and in libraries. Players could read them if they wanted, and sometimes they might find a book that would also give them an important clue as to what to do (or more often, what NOT to do) for a particular quest or area.
But it doesn't matter, because I've officially quit SC =D.

Oh, and yes, I've played Paths Open RPG. It's the best open rpg out there (and I've played at least like 12, so I should know). Unfortunately, that's not saying much, because all the other open rpgs suck or have some major flaw XD. Paths is pretty good, because it actually has quests, but it has a huge flaw that all but two (Ragnarok Open RPG and Sector 17 Open RPG, they're almost exactly the same) of the open rpgs have - it's too easy. You sit there and farm kills (djinni should have at least made the monsters harder instead of making the heroes nigh-invulnerable to the monsters near the start area with a few armor ups D=). Now, if you have imagination and roleplay, you can actually get a real kick out of the game, but most players (including myself) don't have that kind of imaginative ability. Which is why I wanted a complex storyline provided. It kinda takes away from the openness, but most players probably wouldn't care anyways.

Well, in that case, then why not make Humans able to fly? Hell, you can have them produce guns out of thin air, and let them turn their Nails into Knives. Why not make rocks alive? They should be able to fly around, too.

The problem is that even though this is YOUR fictional world, you're still limited by other people's beleifs in this "Fictional" world. It still has to make sense to them.

Well what would be wrong with flying humans and living rocks (hey, moving trees was doable XD)?
Besides, I'm pretty sure all of the examples in my story were perfectly comprehensible.

Why the heck are we even still talking about this when I'm obviously not going to be making it anyway?