Staredit Network > Forums > Media, Art, and Literature > Topic: untitled lyrics
untitled lyrics
Mar 10 2009, 9:16 pm
By: ToA  

Mar 10 2009, 9:16 pm ToA Post #1

Que Sera, Sera.

It's joyful having nights where you cry yourself to sleep,
wishing for the softest note to guide you in your dreams.
But there are words you cant forgive, words you cant forget,
they're burning all my dreams and making nightmares in my head.

I used to think these columns could hold the strongest rock,
now even air is strong enough to tear them all apart.

I've never felt a need like this, my bones have never been so bare,
yeah, I'm not the way to go but I'm sure i'll meet you there.

It's great knowing you think of me, but think of them as well,
and what it makes my body feel, I'm unable to kill.
The bitterness of new and old, the haunt beyond the yield,
god i just wish you'd keep your words and feelings all concealed.

I had bitter sweet connections, that never words could break
now every time you breathe i think about the one i hate.

I waited up for you, and what good did it do?
I'm just worse off than you wish i was, great thing you've accomplished.
twenty years from now i'll feel what's stuck in me.
this wound is swollen up, and ill keep it in.
i don't want to bleed again, not from you.

it's fun faking this, it really is.



Post has been edited 3 time(s), last time on Mar 15 2009, 6:13 am by ToA.




Mar 12 2009, 7:35 am Excalibur Post #2

The sword and the faith

First of all, center align makes me want to rip my eyes out. :P

First part is fine.

Quote from ToA
I used to think these columns cold hold the strongest rock,
now even air is strong enough to tear them all apart.
Could*. You really need to spell check your stuff. It's a very common problem in your work.
I'd do something like this:
I used to think these columns could support my world
Now the wind of your words threatens every crack in the stone

Quote from ToA
I've never felt a need like this, my bones have never been so bare,
yeah, I'm not the way to go but I'm sure i'll meet you there.
I've never been so dependent, never have my bones been so bare,
I'm not sure where to go, but I wander for your promise to meet me there

Quote from ToA
It's great knowing you think of me, but think of them as well,
and what it makes my body feel, I'm unable to kill.
The bitterness of new and old, the haunt beyond the yield,
god i just wish you'd keep your words and feelings all concealed.
Knowing you think of me puts me at ease,
But I want to erase them from your mind
This effort has become my consuming disease
The feeling of your concern for someone else
Has me writhing in my sheets ready to kill

If you do these changes I feel it needs more of an ending too.

Better than your previous work. Good progress.




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Mar 13 2009, 7:04 pm Lord Malvanis Post #3



Those lyrics look good to me



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