Well, this idea has come across my mind for a long time, but I wasn't sure if I should post it on such a site as this. Finally though, after much thought and consideration I bring to you fellow Senettes and Senors a topic regarding reviews. I just hope that an administrator or moderator comes around soon, to whether notify me if this idea is any good, or simply idiotic.

Either way, whether this topic is butchered, or long lasting I shall post a review to get this damn thing started.









Well, it seems like one of the things that's upon mass fanboyism (or fangirlism) is samurai. Why are they so cool? Well lets see, they're marketed like fucking hell by Japanese television, they have cool looking swords, and most of all Samurai sounds a lot cooler then ''fodder.'' And one thing I always found amusing is on how much people think just because it's a samurai, they're awesome. Both historically, and honestly they weren't really too fascinating, what they were however was extremely loyal, and...well, this may disappoint a lot of you, but a lot of them were literally gayer then I am.

Seriously, the samurai way also had a lot of homosexuality mixed in. The men they fought with, they loved. Which is understandable, battling beside fellow warriors, living, and celebrating your proud victories, failing and having to deal with horrid shame, and they did not understand or believe in such things as Homosexuality or heterosexuality, such things were obscure to them. In numerous instances they merely married their wives for better position in power. So what do gay samurais have to do with anything? Well, finally thanks to Koei, you can now pick your favorite far east queers in Samurai Warriors!



Samurai Warriors was invented by Koei, the same bastards who believe if you're a fan of their games, you'll be dumb enough to buy anything they release, despite how much the product was overdone. After creating about four dynasty warriors games (and three to five expansion packs) they finally decided to do something a bit more original, yet hardly. Personally I my self wasn't quite sure if I wanted to buy, or rent the game. At first I assumed it was going to end up a half assed attempt, just to cash in. The situation went sort of like this -

''Hey! You!'' Koei, is that you? "Yeah, bitch! Buy our new game, Samurai warriors! It's in Japan instead of China! We have new weapons, new swords, new levels, new characters,'' Oh? You're just doing all this new stuff because it's going to suck, aren't you? ''No, honest! Buy that game, you know you can't resist...the orgasmic musous...the music....and we know how much you love history...Oh, right and there's a guy with a gun!'' Holy Fuck!

- So, of course I was curious, I rented the thing just to see how good the damn thing was. And, it was pretty good...but... Son of a bitch! Where the fuck is the encyclopedia? Dynasty Warriors had a encyclopedia, so why the fuck didn't Samurai Warriors have one? Aw well, I was quite pleased with what I found...



I was quite pleased with the starting roster, lets see! At a quick look there's Mitsuhide, the guy who killed Nobunaga (Holy Crap! He looks awesome!) Yukimura Sanada, to be honest I never heard of him before I played the game. Oichi (Sister to Nobunaga, why does she have a toy?) and Hanzo Hattori. (A ninja, meh, don't care.) And a lot of the characters are actually worth unlocking. The weapons they have are fairly diverse (As if the girl having a fucking toy didn't hint at that) and some characters actually have unique objectives in their missions, according to their weapon! (Magoichi Saika sometimes snipes officers with his musket, now that's fucking awesome and satisfying)

Of course though, from Koei we cannot expect too much complex characters. And I cannot help but see some sort of odd love triangle between Ranmaru Mori (Loyal Samurai, looks like girl, he has to be gay.) Mitsuhide Akechi and Nobonaga.
And of course, Koei's voice acting isn't always top notch, but definitely better then Dynasty Warriors.



Well, it's Koei. They release the same crap over and over again, so without much surprise Samurai Warriors has the same idea. Slaughter people (yet often times have your character be considered ''good.'') Slaughter other officers (and the bastards usually walk away, only dying around the last stages) and you give your finger a good workout from tapping the square buttons and triangle buttons a lot. Aside from that, the attacking system is fairly different from Dynasty Warriors. (and some how, finishing them off feels much more rewarding) Perhaps a good example, in Dynasty Warriors finishing a combo gives you the feeling of a bowling strike, as well as a musou. Samurai warriors on the other hand feels like an orgasm (Well, okay maybe I'm stretching this a bit) and some reason, I find this game doesn't feel quite as repetitive as Dynasty Warriors, and certainly more re playable. The Graphics of course look like mud, and you can't rearrange that camera to care or even try to enjoy the scenery. All you basically do most likely is run through fog, try and be every officers bitch and save the sorry bastards, and eventually have your leader die by soldiers with the intimidating force of a bunny rabbit.

So is going to Japan, playing as a samurai that can take hits as he takes it up the ass worthwhile Well, yes. Most chances this is most likely worth a rental. and besides, who doesn't like altering history, to change the very fabric of time and cause time paradoxes?

Overall -

Graphics: 5/10

Originality: 5/10

Fun Factor: 7/10

Design: 6/10

Character (design and personality) 7/10 (as light hearted as they are, I enjoy 'em)

30/50

Don't bother renting it, it costs no more then $9 so you can just buy the damn thing and enjoy a good time killer.

Honestly, I dont care how much time you do put into these topics, could you stop making them so 'generic'ly 12year old sounding.

Lets take the topic title for example. Looking at the structure, we have Awesome and topic! in it, well everyone knows its a topic, and Awesome is really not a good adjitive to be putting on there if the first thing you're going to see is a review for a glitchy game by Koei.

Stick to stuff like, Game Reviews and for the description, For SEN users, by SEN users. or something along those lines.

Professional or not, it's still attention grabbing, is it not? Besides. Are you saying that Egoraptor is a twelve year old? He actually gets paid for what he does. and don't speak of me being like a twelve year old. I can name numerous instances of you at much worse then that. Besides, I don't think I have to be subjected to make the titles sound mature.

If we're talking about null, go ahead make it a trap/stupid/annoying/eye grabbing. When we're talking about other sections of the site, most members demand a much more cleaner attitude toward the community in form of post.

Im not telling you this for my benefit

Good point. Aw well, I guess we'll have to wait and see. (I'm surprised by my lack of text, so I'll just add this extra sentence you're currently reading.)

i was hoping for an awesome game like ninja five-o or something hidden gem of sorts

Well, I decided to review something mediocre that way I could start this topic off with a fair amount of both bitching and praise. Because you know, a review can be bland if all it is - ''I like this game, it's fucking good!''