Jack
Dec 19 2008, 2:29 am
By: Elvang  

Dec 19 2008, 2:29 am Elvang Post #1



So I'm trying to get back into writing, and thought I'd kick it off with a short story. Enjoy, criticism/comments/etc welcome.

The school was devoid of life, the last rays of light filtering through countless windows. Display cases deepened into ominous crevices in the wall, motionless banners sagged from the roof. Twilight had fallen, a time spirits roam some would say.

It was to this abandoned environment that Jack awakened. Earlier that day he had opted to ditch fourth period in favor of sleep in one of the unused classrooms. He regretted it now, of course, having quickly discovered how late it had become. It did not take long for that regret to turn into sweet, sweet despair upon finding all the stairways down locked. Oh how I loved his despair, fed on it, clung to it. It was like a son to me, and as any parent should, I helped it grow strong.

Now Jack wasn't one prone to superstitions, claiming them to be childish delusions. What most people didn't know was that Jack was afraid of the dark, and being trapped on the second floor with a rapidly darkening sky was not diminishing this fear. With the creeping darkness always on his mind, Jack walked through the halls, deep in thought on the subject of what should be done. It was during this stroll of cogitation that a nagging feeling finally made itself heard.

And clearly heard it was, for Jack immediately found the source. The silence. He could not hear anything other than the sound of his own hastening footsteps. Eyes, everywhere, were watching him, yet there was not a noise. He could feel them, watching him through the darkness with a cold stare. The already quick pace he maintained turned into a full fledged run as he panicked. He made it past six empty classrooms before logical reasoning overtook him. I started to laugh, a mad laugh but I cared not. “So quick to lose it, eh Jack?”, I managed to shout between fits of laughter, my voice echoing through empty halls. The color drain of his face would have been visible to anyone during the day. Luckily for him, the night spared him of that embarrassment.

He was rooted to the spot, fear holding his feet in place as his guts told him to run. I crept towards him noiselessly. To Jack, it seemed as if the very shadows were coming alive. Mere seconds passed before I reached him, but it was an eternity to Jack. I touched his now pale skin, and he screamed. Oh the terror in his voice, how I loved it! Unable to help myself, I laughed a laugh no sane man could muster. The walls seemed to bend in towards Jack as the mingled screams and laughter reverberated throughout the school.

The next morning I was found in the hall still laughing. They asked me questions, examined me. I told them I know not what had happened to Jack. This caused a stir. I was taken to a nearby hospital, where a fellow patient informed me that they were going to stick me in the special room if I didn't stop laughing. The boy's parents come look at me everyday, tears streaking their sorrow filled faces. Fellow patrons of the hospital call me mad, though in reality it is that kid's parents who are mad. No matter how much I tell them I'm not, they continue to call me Jack.



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Dec 19 2008, 6:22 am ClansAreForGays Post #2



This is some pretty good creepypasta




Dec 19 2008, 2:22 pm BiOAtK Post #3



I agree, it's pretty good.



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Dec 19 2008, 8:22 pm FatalException Post #4



It's good, but having him lose his mind in a school just seems a little far off to me... That's my only problem with it, though. And it's a little short. :P



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Dec 19 2008, 11:17 pm Elvang Post #5



Thanks for the comments. I thought it was the best spot for him to lose it for his age, wanted somewhere he'd spend a lot of time. To turn an environment you'd be quite comfortable with into something that scares you is rather fun to do in stories. :) I also got a little kick out of using a location that prepares you for society to do just the opposite for Jack.



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