Does anyone you know possess this illness? What are the affects on them? How severe is their condition?

I ask because I know of no other place to ask. My ongoing research demands I must learn about the intricacies of this illness, because it is very possible I have it and not bipolar. My mental stability worsens day by day. I must learn of the key differences. Wikipedia can only tell me so much.

The most common case is the so called "usual/simple schizophrenia", when a person can't express both his libido (love) and mortido (hate), which makes tensions of these feelings pent up inside of him/her. If you feel that that's your case, I suggest you visit a psychologist.

How does your mental stability worsen? Describe what's happening.

...And how old are you?

Schisophrenia requires medicines to threat if im rights, so it is a physical disease of brain not only psychical (which are in fact close to each-other i know). It usually sharpen reactions, so you might can loose control over your actions. But you may just paranoic. So if you usually spend long time (well, 30 -80 minutes or so) to analize your previous actions connecnting to other people or relationships, worrying about unconfortable consequences, then its a simple mental disease which is threatable with a "mental" partner in life who is mostly understanding with you, and you don't feel anxious when you are with him/her (if that is the case the simpliest thing you could do is have some sport activity).

Schisophrenia usually come with very aggressive reactions.

Well, but as Jaff said try to visit a doctor first.

Hmmm. I was searching around, and i just noticed a may have a possiblity of schizophrenia. Also, sometimes i talk with myself like if i would talk with another person (just in mind not with voice). Some source mention that high paranoia is also a simptom of it (but its simptom of almost every mental disease). I will see a doctor next week.

I'm 20. I can't really describe what is happening, it would take too long. But across the last ten years my mental stability has worsened. Hallucinations, enormous mood swings, depression, concentration and motivation shot to hell, so on so forth. It's so deeply rooted and complicated that I can't really go into detail without spending days writing about it. Initially the diagnosis was Autism, and then autism/manic bipolar episodes. But episodes only last a duration. This is permanent and worsens daily.

My physical ailments, including heart problems, high blood pressure, what appears to be brain swelling, ect. are probably not all unrelated.

I express my hatred on a literally hourly basis, but I have no love.

The more I learn from others who experience these illnesses or know people who have them, the more I can understand how to one day fight this.

That I don't believe. There are cases when someone is at first shy to express love and then doesen't want to express it because he/she got rejected by people around him/her (obviously because no love was expressed). But that's not what the topic is about.

Simplest symptoms of schizophrenia:
-can desire for two opposite things at the same time, and often not seeing this contradiction (it would be odd if you agree with this if you're really sick with schizophrenia )
-emotional reactions to events around you weaken and fade, while reactions to the inner "events"/processes become much stronger (don't care if someone close to you is crying, but can start breaking things just because you remembered how you got bullied in school once and didn't have revenge)
In other words, it's when your personality cracks and breaks into several pieces, each existing at the same time with the others and further "closing yourself in the box".

Anyway, I'd suggest you visit a doctor. Tell him everything, and start with the most obvious and important things. Think of what you're going to say and organize your thoughts. Also try to recall your childhood, because if the problem is really something serious, the doctor might ask you about your early life.

Ah. I've tried my hardest to forget my child hood. It's root of most of the anger.

I can see the emotional things happening. Half of it's from my personality, though, which is why I know it's impossible for me to love anyone. I don't believe in it. The outside world, the physical world, fades away and the inner world, a world of turmoil, is the world I see with my eyes. So, the inner reactions are far stronger than the outside ones. It's not that the outside reactions don't register, it's that I suppress them, and their meaning to me has had less and less impact. My care for people in general has dropped to nothing, although this is a change I enjoy rather than resist.

I had once thought I might have multiple personality disorder but as I understand this results in a complete personality shift, and not having multiple personalities active at the same time like I do. My inner mind has three entirely separate voices that often argue with each other to take on complicated issues. This all happens extremely quickly, my thoughts are very fast-paced because they must fight against the uncontrollable ocean of thought constantly interrupting me.

Unfortunately, doctors are not an option. I do not trust any of the local practitioners especially since our "family" doctor has turned against me in the past. I would rather gather as much information as I can, make my own judgement, and then formulate a plan to fight it with.

/e

I posted some small tidbits of information regarding the effects of this mental war at CC a while ago.

http://www.campaigncreations.org/forum/index.php?topic=614.0
http://www.campaigncreations.org/forum/index.php?topic=799.0

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on Jun 11 2008, 2:58 pm by IskatuMesk.

Even though you don't trust local doctors, you do need professional help, because it's nearly impossible to effectively help yourself without lots of knoweledge in psychology and experience. Besides, mental illnesses, just like games (self-delusion mechanisms), have their own 'protection mechanisms'... and maybe your lack of faith in the local doctors is one of them; what would you say to a possibility of going to another city - work, live, and get treatment there? If you're studying at university, you surely must have some summer break or something of that sort.

I dropped out of high school in grade 11 many many years ago and will never look back. Moving wouldn't solve anything, and I'll never work a day in my life - I have no desire to commit myself to society. I'll gladly die before I do that. It may sound cheesy but I am completely serious about what I'm saying, here.

Why? Moving to another city means getting other doctors. Or do you not want to put your faith in any doctor?

I wouldn't put faith in many people, let's put it that way. I'm also not really at the liberty simply to get up and move somewhere else. Where would I go? Vancouver? That place's a shithole. America? I wouldn't even get across the boarder.

Things are not so easy. I've already considered those options. They aren't available.

Well, one thing is clear: professional treatment is the only way to get out of the situation you're in. You decide how to achieve that.

Umm schizophrenia is basically when your perceptions and reality are completely different. These can be in the form of delusions or hallucinations. I hope you dont have to go through electroconvulsive therapy.

Oh boy. Anything with "electro" in it makes me jumpy.

Basically, to alter your brain chemistry (for neurotransmitters such as dopamine), they need to zap your head, inducing a miniature seizure. Yeah, you DEFINATELY don't want to go through that.

Yeah... I've had seizures before... they are not fun at all.

Why is it that you seem to trust people on the internet more then the people around you? Or are you just becoming desperate for help?

oh and i thought that this page might come of assistance:
http://www.doctorslounge.com/psychiatry/diseases/schizophrenia.htm
(a few diagnostics, symptoms, and treatment paragraphs are at the bottom.)

I have come to know people locally as... let's just say, pure morons. I'll take the comments of a few confused teenagers over the internet above those of the completely delusional fools in Abbotsford.

I'll have a look at that link, too. Thanks.

Just a side question: How can you sattisfy your need for communication if you don't participate in social activities very much (no study and no work)? To find one person that is 'compatible' with you, you sometimes gotto filter out a lot of 'morons' as you say.

i have to agree. stupid doctors are one thing, but even if one of your friends are stupid, it doesn't mean they can't be understanding, compassionate, or just plain friendly.