Mine:
1) I will only enlist privates who's last name's are parts. All soldiers who's last name is not parts, will be given the rank of Peon. If your name is Mi, tough shit.
2) I will kill anyone at random times, because I want to. Haha.
3) All women in my secret-lair will be butt naked at all times.
4) Your wife belongs to me. Stfu.
5) I will sleep all day, while my clone does all the work.
6) If I feel like it, you belong to me for whatever I want.
7) I will lock Mario Batali in a kitchen for the rest of his life, so he can cook all my meals.
8) I will have 100 virgins sent to my bedroom every night.
9) I will be Invincible, so no one can bs me anyway. I will also be immortal.
10) I will make people wear chicken masks every Tuesday. If my peons catch anyone not wearing a chicken mask on Tuesday, they will be shot.
11) I own everything already, so who cares about conquering anything.
None.