All credits are to be given to me.
Post feedbacks if you liked it or how I could improve it.
I order you to forgive yourself!
I order you to forgive yourself!
Lotta oddly-constructed sentences that didn't flow so well... I'm not even sure I get the ending, or what happened. Breakage of the third wall seemed awkward, slightly contrived, totally unnecessary, and it broke the flow. And why digress to talk about the setting if you could've simply described it before detailing the events of the story?
None.
I order you to forgive yourself!
Quote from 
DavidJCobb
DavidJCobbLotta oddly-constructed sentences that didn't flow so well... I'm not even sure I get the ending, or what happened. Breakage of the third wall seemed awkward, slightly contrived, totally unnecessary, and it broke the flow. And why digress to talk about the setting if you could've simply described it before detailing the events of the story?
Yeah, describing the city the way you did... not a great idea. You could have easily intertwined it with the following paragraph. Add it in there while she's on her way to the river.
Take "Anyway" out of that sentence. Instead of stating that her mind was unchanged, give the reader the impression that she hadn't changed her mind by making her respond arrogantly and/or snobbishly to the man.
Why are you writing this as a narrator? Was that part of the assignment?
I'd say take that whole sentence out. Keep the suspense going. She's trapped, and telling us she lost the skii-doo doesn't fit. Unless it was some sort of precious object that belonged to the family.
Again, to keep the suspense going, remove "Then" from this sentence:
Oh, and you rushed through and at the ending.
Quote
Anyway, that conversation had in no way changed what Sainha Peira was going to do.
Take "Anyway" out of that sentence. Instead of stating that her mind was unchanged, give the reader the impression that she hadn't changed her mind by making her respond arrogantly and/or snobbishly to the man.
Quote
For some obscure reason that even I, the narrator, don’t know yet,
Why are you writing this as a narrator? Was that part of the assignment?
I'd say take that whole sentence out. Keep the suspense going. She's trapped, and telling us she lost the skii-doo doesn't fit. Unless it was some sort of precious object that belonged to the family.
Again, to keep the suspense going, remove "Then" from this sentence:
Quote
Then, she felt the water getting higher and higher.
Oh, and you rushed through and at the ending.
None.
I order you to forgive yourself!
Quote from name:BluEditor
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Wow, that makes a lot of sense. I'll change those little details right now. Seems like I'll be improving my writing skills a lot with that short story
Also, the idea I had with the ski-doo was that it would block the water that was able to go through the dam leading to the flood.
Picture of what it could look like
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[05:02 am]
Oh_Man -- because it adds anotherr level of player decision-making where u dont wanna walk too far away from the medic or u lose healing value[05:01 am]
Oh_Man -- initially I thought it was weird why is he still using the basic pre-EUD medic healing system, but it's actually genius[03:04 am]
Ultraviolet -- VraelVrael shouted: I almost had a heart attack just thinking about calculating all the offsets it would take to do that kind of stuff
With the modern EUD editors, I don't think they're calculating nearly as many offsets as you might imagine. Still some fancy ass work that I'm sure took a ton of effort[2024-5-05. : 9:35 pm]
Vrael -- I almost had a heart attack just thinking about calculating all the offsets it would take to do that kind of stuff[2024-5-04. : 1:05 am]
Vrael -- I won't stand for people going around saying things like im not a total madman
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