Sane
Sep 27 2007, 7:08 am
By: ToA  

Sep 27 2007, 7:08 am ToA Post #1

Que Sera, Sera.

SANE

This is a short story that im writing, the text on the page at the very top is the opening paragraph and may or may not give you insight to what the story is about.

The stories point of view and writing may be odd but thats what I'm going for :D

As time goes on i will update the website and this post for more info. Yes the picture on the page is of me.





Sep 27 2007, 9:59 am BeDazed Post #2



I already see grammatic errors.



None.

Sep 27 2007, 1:50 pm ToA Post #3

Que Sera, Sera.

Well nothing is spelt wrong so tell me them.




Sep 27 2007, 2:06 pm BeDazed Post #4



In sentences and paragraphs, spelling is not the sole make-up of something called grammar.
You have a comma mistaken for a period. You also have a tendency to capitalize letters when they are not supposed to be capitalized.



None.

Sep 27 2007, 4:21 pm ToA Post #5

Que Sera, Sera.

When you’re a writer you can write In any register/style of writing you want, therefore it doesn’t matter :D




Sep 27 2007, 10:50 pm BeDazed Post #6



Of course you can. But with those simple grammars like that, especially on a cover page... oh wow... hehe...
I would just turn my self from the bookshelf, put it down, and then look for another book and never take a look at it again.
When you're a writer, theres supposed to be purpose to a style and register. Hope you knew.



None.

Sep 28 2007, 12:31 am Dr. Shotgun Post #7



It just seems like pointless 'style' to me. It's just bad grammar. I can't say I like it. At some point I'll rewrite it, perhaps, highlighting what I think are the mistakes.

EDIT: Rewrite. Although, yeah, my style is different and thus my words should not be put in your mouth, just consider it a suggestion as to how a story like this should be written. I think mostly you've got problems managing mechanics, i.e., sentence structure, grammar, etc. Although your sentences could be more descriptive, a laconic prose can often descirbe a surgical environment more effectively than a verbose exposition on the starkness of life.

" Sane... that unattainable description, the Holy Grail that everyone seeks. A meaningless word, applying to nothing. Insane. The word used to describe those we label as 'mentally ill'. Always branded only to some, when everyone should bear its loathsome mark. Everything is flawed, existence, society.
I felt as though life had no meaning, that the omnipresence of blemish destroyed any purpose. Yet I forgot all this one that one fateful day, when she changed it all. She is the only one who is truly sane. "

Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Sep 28 2007, 12:41 am by Doktor Shotgun.



None.

Sep 28 2007, 1:01 am ClansAreForGays Post #8



Jeez, is EVERONE'S name mike on sen?!




Sep 28 2007, 1:03 am ClansAreForGays Post #9



Quote
that the omnipresence of blemish destroyed any purpose.
That made it worth the re-write




Sep 28 2007, 1:24 am ToA Post #10

Que Sera, Sera.

As much as i'd like too im not stealing the rewritten (though some of the words i dont understand..well 1.) But i'll essentially edit to have better grammar soon.




Sep 28 2007, 1:38 am Dr. Shotgun Post #11



Quote from ToA
As much as i'd like too im not stealing the rewritten (though some of the words i dont understand..well 1.) But i'll essentially edit to have better grammar soon.

It's just meant to be a sort of guide, as your grammar needs fixing. Badly.



None.

Sep 28 2007, 2:14 pm BeDazed Post #12



Its almost like you didn't finish any of middle school grammars. Lol.



None.

Options
  Back to forum
Please log in to reply to this topic or to report it.
Members in this topic: None.
[07:56 pm]
Ultraviolet -- NudeRaider
NudeRaider shouted: "War nie wirklich weg" 🎵
sing it brother
[06:24 pm]
NudeRaider -- "War nie wirklich weg" 🎵
[03:33 pm]
O)FaRTy1billion[MM] -- o sen is back
[01:53 am]
Ultraviolet -- :lol:
[2024-4-26. : 6:51 pm]
Vrael -- It is, and I could definitely use a company with a commitment to flexibility, quality, and customer satisfaction to provide effective solutions to dampness and humidity in my urban environment.
[2024-4-26. : 6:50 pm]
NudeRaider -- Vrael
Vrael shouted: Idk, I was looking more for a dehumidifer company which maybe stands out as a beacon of relief amidst damp and unpredictable climates of bustling metropolises. Not sure Amazon qualifies
sounds like moisture control is often a pressing concern in your city
[2024-4-26. : 6:50 pm]
Vrael -- Maybe here on the StarEdit Network I could look through the Forums for some Introductions to people who care about the Topics of Dehumidifiers and Carpet Cleaning?
[2024-4-26. : 6:49 pm]
Vrael -- Perhaps even here I on the StarEdit Network I could look for some Introductions.
[2024-4-26. : 6:48 pm]
Vrael -- On this Topic, I could definitely use some Introductions.
[2024-4-26. : 6:48 pm]
Vrael -- Perhaps that utilizes cutting-edge technology and eco-friendly cleaning products?
Please log in to shout.


Members Online: NudeRaider, Ultraviolet