we got off on the right foot, you shift to the left.
my decision quixotic, and the outcome abject.
you retain to affection, i retain to old ways.
though I've not apprehended, I'm stuck in a daze.

I'm sweet of the movements, you're unsure of the why.
i offer you the solutions, and then say my goodbyes.

it was a beautiful evening, and a merciful dawn.
i remember the details, unlike you they're not gone.
i don't hang with the past, but ignore what's become.
wish what happened could last, but love's only for some.

I'm sweet of the movements, you're unsure of the why.
i offer you the solutions, and then say my goodbyes.

let's be sweet in our movement, and burn all of our doubts
we are the solution, and WE ARE THE WAY OUT.

<sub>definitions:

quixotic - extravagantly chivalrous or romantic; impractical, or impracticable.
abject - utterly hopeless, miserable, humiliating, or wretched</sub>

[peacelove&dope]

- mike

I think that your use of larger/more sophisticated words don't actually make your lyrics any better.

In fact, controversing what you said in your words topic, I think it makes things worse. See, you may like emo music and what not, but society has left that fad in the corner to die out. Indie/Pop is what the music industry want. Call it sellin yourself out if you want, but I think if you are entering any media stream business and wish to be a success, you need to paint the picture that people want to see.

Some people make music for money, as a business, some people make music as art, for enjoyment.

Success is a relative term according to what your goal is. In my opinion, such a conformity as the one you're describing would be a failure to me, and is precisely whats wrong with the industry.

As for this work ToA, take the fancy words out, and its good. Random fancy words thrown in an otherwise down market work are just odd and awkward.

If you make music for yourself, I can agree and understand that my mentality would be upsetting to you. On that same note though, if you make music for yourself, don't expect others to care or listen.

The problems with the music industry are: CD pricing and Copyright laws.

£13 for an old album by UnderOath, not worth it.

Sueing musicians for similar names, sounds or logo's is also EXTREMELY damaging.

I think anyone who's making music for other people is making it for the reasons (IE I'm only doing this because it makes money.). If you don't enjoy what you're doing, music or any profession, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Life is too short.


Yeah, its worse when its the label doing it and the band feels bad because it makes them look like a bunch of assholes too, because most people don't realize they're not the ones directing the lawyers.

You could atleast give it some respect even if you didn't really care about it. Like not posting at all- since you aren't going to do it the nice way. He didn't say you should praise his work, why fuss?

I also don't see why many people have problems with emo music (emotion music). Many people generalize and associate emo music with expressing hate and anger (exclusively), which is not the case. I've seen several good singers and songs within the category. I can only conlude that I see is 'those who express hate against emo music in general' expressing another emo lyric themselves, especially the kind they despise- miserable hypocrites.

And quixotic is used commonly in many literature.
Plus you would have to be careful with abject, since it could be confused with other words.

I appreciate your post BeDazed, though to all of you i don't write(or intend to write) what nowadays would be called 'emo'.

The reason i used those words is because they get across what i want to say, i find it more pleasing to read that then the same words i hear day after day.

Toa, 'It's not what you say, it's how you say it.' The same goes for music, you can say the same thing as everyone in a multitude of ways and change the song completely.
An example of this:
50 cent - God gave me style and Coldplay - God put a smile upon your face.

Dazed, hush your gums. I like emotional pieces too, but it's not what people want anymore. Modern music is pop/indie. The Kooks, Arctic Monkeys, Tokyo Police Club, Foals, Lilly Alen and the likes.

No one mentions TPC. <3 Shocko.

It would be nice if everyone could try to stay on topic. And not follow the train of thought which Shocko brought in with his post... about what mainstream music wants and all this... moving on...

Toa, from what I can recall of your other work, these lyrics here are my favorite. They are really nice. Overall, pretty simple, but it really works. There is some really nice phrasing. Usually when I read your stuff I'm not affected by it enough to comment (whether I comment or not on your topics, chances are I have checked it out). But this is not the case here.

Here is what I most like:


Great line. Simple, but captures a lot. "merciful dawn" is very cool.


Though it is plainly stated, this has a lot of poetic quality to it. I like that you're not saying "I regret what happened" which is so generic. You kind of turn that on its head here, and I like it.


Great ending. Very strong. "We are the way out" is very powerful and says a lot with a little. I may suggest changing it to "we are the solution, we are the way out." I feel that "we are the solution" and "we are the way out" have such similar meanings that the "and" isn't necessary. The "and" makes it seem like you are the solution... and you're something else too. But really both clauses are saying the same thing, so I think without the "and" it would be stronger, using the final "we are the way out" as merely an amendment and elaboration upon "we are the solution", not just a totally new idea.

O, and I liked the first line too. That's kind of important. But onto more suggestions for changes:


These lines have grammatical errors and ambiguities that I feel do not work in any way. Unlike, "I'm sweet of the movements", (which i like, because it works to capture the emotion well) which also makes no sense grammatically, I don't like these two lines. You don't "retain to something". You "stick to something". If you're using the word retain, it's just: "you retain affection, i retain old ways." That would be an improvement. The additional and incorrect "to" just complicates the meaning unnecessarily.

Next line: "though i've not apprehended, i'm stuck in a daze." First off, I'm not sure what definition of "apprehend" you are using. I'm used to "apprehend" meaning "seize." Like, "The officers apprehended the criminal." But there is no direct object in your line. It's just "i've not apprehended ..." The other meaning of "apprehend" is "to become aware of." This seems to fit more here, however, it would be unclear exactly what you have become aware of... so, either way, it's terribly unclear as is.

Now, though you could just make these couple small word changes here and there for these two lines, I would further suggest just completely redoing them. They're too vague don't live up to the standard of the rest of the piece. "You retain to affection" -- well, how does one "retain affection" - ? And who is she retaining affection for? You? Someone else? Furthermore, I find it highly unlikely that "affection" has the intended meaning you were going for. Any of the possible ones from here (as i checked to make sure) do not work as well as many other available words would: affection dictionary.

And the rest of the line: "I retain to old ways." This is so clearly vague that I don't think I need to explain it. Though by the same token, it's not as much of a mess as "you retain to affection." It is serviceable as is, but I would consider changing it and finding a more specific/better way, of saying how you are retaining "old ways."

Lastly, "though i've not apprehended, i'm stuck in a daze." So, even though you're not aware of something (we'll go with this definition, since the other one is more completely implausible, unless we're supposed to just assume that you haven't apprehended her - which would just be poor writing), you're stuck in a daze? So, if you 'had apprehended', it'd be more likely that you would be stuck in a daze? But you're not... and you're in a daze anyway?

"Stuck in a daze" is vague itself, also... And really, attempting to understand this line with any consistent meaning throughout is almost impossible, no matter how I attack it, so i'll just stop here. Pay more attention using words like "though" or else the meaning may fall apart when used incorrectly. Even if you had used "apprehend" more clearly, the line is still funky due to the "though" use and it's relation to being "stuck in a daze."


I like the idea here. But "unlike you they're not gone" is just very awkward. Especially at the front end of that line. The wording is poor. Part of the problem is the forced rhyming of "gone", with "dawn", I guess. It kind of lead you to this strange "unlike you" wording.

here are some alternative wording ideas:

"i remember the details that/which blur the fact you're gone."

"i remember you were strewn out on the green lawn." -- this idea serves mostly for the purpose of seeing what adding a specific detail can do for a line. I like color too, personally. Though the chances are this line doesn't fit your song and your story, it may work as a nice brainstorm idea of what you could do.

"i remember the details, but/while you i have forgot."

"i remember the details, how you moved me like a pawn."

Ok, I think you get the idea.

One last note, consider the fact that you say "i remember the details" and then don't give the listener any of the details. Don't be afraid to add a few lines with some of these specific details, it might work to add a new dynamic and strengthen the song.