Staredit Network > Forums > Null > Topic: What is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?
May 14 2009, 7:33 pm
By: Fierce  

May 14 2009, 7:33 pm Fierce Post #1



I've looked around on the internet but couldn't really find anything, but I guess its social anxiety.

I hate going places. I never go to parties, I don't go to places where there are people I don't know very well. When I do, I have serious problems. I feel very nervous when people get into my space. Even my friends and family. I also feel the need to hold my breath and I don't breathe out. I never make eye contact with anyone unless I know them and that they wouldn't say anything bad to me or bad about me. Since I have a cleft lip, and which I've had 7 surgeries just dealing with it, my nose is pretty disfigured. I've heard people make comments and what not because they've either said it behind my back or to me. People question why I have scars above my lips.

I just never feel comfortable in any public situation because I always feel like there is always someone watching me.

Any idea?



None.

May 14 2009, 7:37 pm JaFF Post #2



Visit a psychoanalyst. What you described is only the effect. A professional will find the cause(s) and help you change/remove it.



None.

May 14 2009, 7:45 pm Echo Post #3



Don't bother wasting money on seeing someone. Instead, just stop thinking about things like that. Take deep breath and just relax. Try to build up some confidence. Stand in front of the mirror and think about some good aspects or personality. If you act confident, people will think you are confident. Try practicing making eye contact. I had trouble with that when I was younger but I practiced when talking to people. If you have trouble socializing with pretty girls, then build you way up by practicing from a 5 or lower, and then start talking to 7+'s. If people are questioning about your scar, don't take it personally. You just got to stop thinking about things like that because it will dig a deeper hole for yourself. Remember, only you can help yourself.



None.

May 14 2009, 8:17 pm JaFF Post #4



EcHo, though the things you said are no doubt useful, it is far more effective to see a professional. I'm assuming it doesen't cost a fortune where he lives.



None.

May 14 2009, 9:13 pm InsolubleFluff Post #5



1. Get Laid.
2. Stop posting rl on starcraft sites.
3. Relax a bit.
4. Make friends and repeat.



None.

May 14 2009, 9:14 pm MadZombie Post #6



Not for nothing but someone with this problem sounds like the type who wouldn't open up. Even to a professional.

I don't have ...exactly your problem but point is i was talking to my religious friend and told me to read the bible. I lol'd but then i actually did try it and it really helps out with that kind of stuff. I don't believe in god but i believe in the things that book talks about, like how to treat people etc.

I wonder if someone will assume assburgers or w/e it's called.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on May 14 2009, 9:28 pm by MadZombie.



None.

May 14 2009, 9:18 pm RIVE Post #7

Just Here For The Pie

You are antisocial, and you got this way because of fear. Now, all you know is to fear.

My suggestion: pick up a hobby, and make some new friends doing so. Expanding your contacts always makes you feel more important and more confident.



None.

May 14 2009, 9:26 pm Syphon Post #8



It sounds like you're either agoraphobic, or self conscious.



None.

May 15 2009, 12:09 am O)FaRTy1billion[MM] Post #9

👻 👾 👽 💪

Since when is not wanting to go places == something must be wrong?



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May 15 2009, 12:51 am Phobos Post #10

Are you sure about that?

Quote from O)FaRTy1billion[MM]
Since when is not wanting to go places == something must be wrong?

It is, when what you really look for is love or acceptance. If you do not feel like moving around, then I guess it is okay to you. Though, society will not think the same.



this is signature

May 15 2009, 1:04 am Fierce Post #11



Quote from name:Bill Clinton
Don't bother wasting money on seeing someone. Instead, just stop thinking about things like that. Take deep breath and just relax. Try to build up some confidence. Stand in front of the mirror and think about some good aspects or personality. If you act confident, people will think you are confident. Try practicing making eye contact. I had trouble with that when I was younger but I practiced when talking to people. If you have trouble socializing with pretty girls, then build you way up by practicing from a 5 or lower, and then start talking to 7+'s. If people are questioning about your scar, don't take it personally. You just got to stop thinking about things like that because it will dig a deeper hole for yourself. Remember, only you can help yourself.
Its pretty hard to act confident when people shoot you down all the time.

Quote from name:Shocko
1. Get Laid.
2. Stop posting rl on starcraft sites.
3. Relax a bit.
4. Make friends and repeat.
1. What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
2. This is null. Anyway I trust this community rather than going on an anon site where bunch of assholes do nothing but spam retarded bs.
4. I have no problem making friends its just some of the people out there that are extremely rude.



None.

May 15 2009, 1:26 am Phobos Post #12

Are you sure about that?

Get a psycologist. They will help. If I were you, though, I would not take any kind of medication. If someone is going to fix you, they better fix you without using drugs.

inb4 Ex saying shrinks are not to be dealt with.




this is signature

May 15 2009, 1:39 am MadZombie Post #13



http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-help
Quote
Get a psycologist. They will help. If I were you, though, I would not take any kind of medication. If someone is going to fix you, they better fix you without using drugs.
ITT: The reward is a lot more greater this way.
Quote
Its pretty hard to act confident when people shoot you down all the time.
Being truly confident is to keep on going even when you are shot down.
Quote
Since when is not wanting to go places == something must be wrong?
He is not happy with his current situation therefore in his eyes it is wrong. It all depends on the perspective.

Quote from book of proverbs
Go to the ant, you lazy one. see its ways and be come wise. Although it has no commander, officer, or ruler, it prepares its food even in the summer; it has gathered its food supplies even in the harvest. How long, you lazy one, will you keep lying down?When will you rise up from your sleep? a little more sleep, a little more slumbering, a little more folding of the hands in laying down, and your poverty will certainly come just like some rover, and your want like an armed man.

/crusades lulz.

And hey man, you can hear it as many times as you want, until your ears bleed. "Just be confident, and keep trying" but what does that do for you? Hearing that I mean? I honestly don't think anyone here will tell you something you don't already know. Anyone can point you in the right direction by telling you to be confident, and anyone can push you in the right direction by giving you the tools or professional help you desire but in the end it's up to you. You're the one that needs to use the directions given to you to find what your looking for or use the momentum from that helpful push to reach your goal.

Things won't happen overnight though.

Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on May 15 2009, 2:19 am by MadZombie.



None.

May 15 2009, 2:10 am Norm Post #14



Just be confident. If you act important, people will think you are important. If you act like you know what you're talking about, people will think you know what you're talking about. If you are self-conscious about something that's not a big deal because everyone has something that is weird or ugly about them, so don't sweat it. You just gotta get out and enjoy things. If you get frightened for whatever reason, just get through it and next time it wont be so bad.

Also, professionals won't help you man, they just want you (or your parent's) money. The best way to solve any personal issue is to think long and hard about it by yourself and consider all possible perspectives until you can overcome it.



None.

May 15 2009, 2:30 am Ultraviolet Post #15



Quote from name:Shocko
1. Get Laid.
2. Stop posting rl on starcraft sites.
3. Relax a bit.
4. Make friends and repeat.

You're a dick, and no one likes you here. Notice the -3 karma on your post. Why don't you just stop posting altogether?

To Fierce: I have many of the same problems, and I don't have any scars or anything like that, I'm just very socially anxious. Currently I'm seeing a psychiatrist and a psychologist to help me sort this out (among other problems I have). The same might help you, I dunno.





May 15 2009, 3:03 am Fierce Post #16



Thanks, Nerdy. I feel like having a panic attack though whenever I'm sitting down in an area where there is a bunch of people around me (think about a theater with seats surrounding you). I could be at the very top row and I would feel so nervous and the breathing thing would happen.

Which brings me to another thing related to the nervousness. I hate standing in lines because I feel like people are watching me and I constantly look down at my feet (not for a long time just every 10 seconds i'll look down for a good 2 or 3 seconds).



None.

May 15 2009, 3:14 am Vrael Post #17



Sounds rather simple-minded, but I found it effective: If you think you have a problem, do something to fix it. If you're fat, start running. If you're stupid, read books (just examples, I'm not calling you fat and stupid). If you don't like parties and consider that a problem, go only with your friends or something, start small. A couple of people in this topic told you to act confident, and really that doesn't cut it. Confidence isn't the problem probably, because true confidence comes from knowledge of the subject or task at hand. If you go to an American football game and you're from Uganda or something where they've never played it, you can't just "act" like you know what you're talking about when it comes to football, see my point? People can usually spot bullshit.

What is the problem more specifically? You said "I feel very nervous when people get into my space." Well, why? Is it because you're afraid that you'll be subjected to public ridicule because of your cleft lip? I don't have one personally so I can't directly relate to what it is you're experiencing, but I imagine that the nervousness is inspired by fear of being made fun of for that feature. Fear of embarassment, more precisely. And the solution to this problem? I'm not quite sure, but I can think of a few things that might help, removing the fear of ridicule, or removing the things that they could ridicule.

1). Man up. Realizing that the people you're afraid of being embarassed by probably aren't worth your time may help. The people you care about are the ones whose opinions matter, and chances are they're not going to be the ones making fun of you. Don't let them get to you.
2). Buff up. go running, lift weights, ect. having a good body isn't the holy grail of life, but it sure is helpful. I started running a few years ago because I realized my habits were not quite healthy and frankly I was overweight, but after a week or two it starts to feel good. In the beginning it's rough, but after you realize you just ran two or three miles when a month ago you could barely get around the block, it feels pretty good, and in a social setting it's something to talk about at least. Join a sport or something, physical health is just as important as mental health, and both can affect the other. Maybe you're a track star already or something though, in which case this isn't applicable to you.

3). Think about the problem more. You gave us a very vague set of clues as to the underlying problem which could possibly be caused by any one of a great number of things. Maybe you can fix it yourself, or maybe you'll realize that you're just being silly, or maybe you'll even realize it has nothing to do with what I'm talking about and you actually do need to see a psychologist or something.

Also, I hope you find this helpful and not offensive in any way. I have made some assumptions which you could be offended by, but my intent is to help, not to harm. And one last thing, SEN may not be the best place for this sort of thing... so take everything everyone has said with a grain of salt...



None.

May 15 2009, 9:35 am JaFF Post #18



I'll generalize what Vrael said: you're afraid people will hurt you in some way.

I've had a light form of this problem and I've found that my actions in life unwittingly help me find the solution. I moved from my old home which is in a country filled with bullshit to a more culturally, economically and morally developed environment - Cardiff. After about 9 months spent here, I can say for sure that I have lots of progress. I guess the deepest mechanisms of my psyche made me leave my family, friends and comfortable life to help me get rid of all the bullshit I was living in. Living with better, kinder people will slowly give you faith in people and confidence that they will not hurt you.

One more thing. It helps to intentially put yourself in situations that you can't avoid once you're in it that help you develop yourself as an individual. Someone is going on a 5-day trip somewhere? Go for it. You'll be stuck with new people for 5 days without the chance to avoid communication. Before going there, plan a few conversations so that you don't freeze in fear the first time someone talks to you. If they're not pieces of shit, they will accept you to some extent if you won't be hostile to them. This acceptance will allow you to slowly build the faith in people I spoke of earlier. I can't remember who said it, but I guess this quote fits the situation:

"When you struggle you grow".



None.

May 15 2009, 11:15 am Vi3t-X Post #19



Quote from RIVE
You are antisocial, and you got this way because of fear. Now, all you know is to fear.

My suggestion: pick up a hobby, and make some new friends doing so. Expanding your contacts always makes you feel more important and more confident.
Good solution.



None.

May 16 2009, 3:30 pm Fierce Post #20



Thanks guys I'll look into it.

Friday was pure hell. I was at school and people got all around me and then when I got away from them I sat down in my seat and my heart was beating really fast, I felt sick and I started to get a headache. My friend told me that it sounded like I was having a panic attack (because he says he gets them a lot).



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