Staredit Network > Forums > Media, Art, and Literature > Topic: Confessions of a Doughnut Store Employee
Confessions of a Doughnut Store Employee
Aug 29 2014, 7:52 pm
By: rayNimagi  

Aug 29 2014, 7:52 pm rayNimagi Post #1



The story


About




Win by luck, lose by skill.

Aug 30 2014, 11:18 am Sand Wraith Post #2

she/her

Good story, I liked the speculation on the new normal. intro good. Conclusion good. I feel that there is an inconsistency presented by the use of "That Saturday". If Scott passed away very recently to lung cancer, I would imagine that he would not have been at the doughnut store so recently relative to when his wife came in. The language used implies that the time lapse was at most a week between his last visit and his wife's visit. The inconsistently spdcifically arises from the speculation that the lung cancer would have rendered him bed-ridden. Would you kind explaining?




Aug 30 2014, 7:25 pm rayNimagi Post #3



Thanks for your advice!

I should have mentioned Scott was weak and could barely walk the last time he came in. Also, now that I think more about it, I should insert a month or two between his last visit and when his wife comes in. I think that would make more sense.



Win by luck, lose by skill.

Aug 30 2014, 9:09 pm Sand Wraith Post #4

she/her

Quote from rayNimagi
Thanks for your advice!

I should have mentioned Scott was weak and could barely walk the last time he came in. Also, now that I think more about it, I should insert a month or two between his last visit and when his wife comes in. I think that would make more sense.

I think that would help a lot. Additionally, it might be helpful to look up how long it takes for lung cancer to progress to a lethal stage.




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