Staredit Network > Forums > Null > Topic: Choosing "The One"
Choosing "The One"
Sep 3 2011, 5:59 pm
By: Fire_Kame
Pages: 1 2 3 >
 
Polls
How long would you need to date someone to know that they are 'the one'
How long would you need to date someone to know that they are 'the one'
Answer Votes Percentage % Voters
less 4
 
19%
6 months 1
 
5%
1 year 7
 
32%
2 years 4
 
19%
3 years 3
 
14%
4 years 0
 
0%
None.
more 3
 
14%
Please login to vote.
Poll has 22 votes. You can vote for at most 1 option(s).

Sep 3 2011, 5:59 pm Fire_Kame Post #1

a left leaning coexistence nut

So I guess its come up a lot lately in my real life. How long did you date someone to know that that person would be the one? How long would you need to date someone to be certain? I think this is beyond knowing them before you start to date, because if you know someone as a friend for three years, then start dating them, I think the pretext of those first three years would be different.

I know the poll would probably need an "it depends" option, but assume otherwise. Assume that if you knew what you wanted you'd know how to choose the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with.




Sep 3 2011, 6:12 pm Roy Post #2

An artist's depiction of an Extended Unit Death

I haven't met "the one" yet, so from personal experience, I'm gonna say divide-by-zero error.

I would assume you wouldn't really know until you live together.




Sep 3 2011, 6:21 pm Sacrieur Post #3

Still Napping

I voted for more, but honestly, let's establish some things.

1) Marriage is illogical, save for tax breaks. Promises in general are stupid. Circumstances can change unpredictably and having plans that are set in stone can really put a damper on what should be done. No one can predict the distant future with reliable accuracy, and you do not know if you will still feel the same way about said person twenty years from now as you may do now.

2) People change. Or should. My likes/dislikes may change, my personality, and my mental abilities. While some females will find my personality to be the sweetest or most charming thing ever, enough to be called, "the one", they assume that I will remain this way. Those who do not change, but keep in a state of stasis, are not worth anyone's time. It's ignoring that everything around us changes.

3) "The one" is a logical fallacy. It presumes that there is a "right" person, instead of better/worse matches. There can be a best match, but this whole thing is begging the question. It lies on the border of confusing best with perfect.



None.

Sep 3 2011, 6:34 pm Decency Post #4



Also taking issue with "the one." It's more like "good enough."



None.

Sep 3 2011, 6:35 pm Phobos Post #5

Are you sure about that?

Less.



this is signature

Sep 3 2011, 6:47 pm Riney Post #6

Thigh high affectionado



Ive been searching my whole life.



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-- Updated as of December 2021 --

Sep 3 2011, 7:00 pm poison_us Post #7

Back* from the grave

It seems that you've been living two lives.




Sep 3 2011, 8:15 pm DT_Battlekruser Post #8



Asking that question here, I can only assume you're trolling :P

In seriousness though, I voted a year. It should take a year or two for you to completely see and understand someone - and you don't necessarily have to be dating, but I suppose it makes it easier. Went with the shorter time because of the way you phrased the question, and personally, I am not going to get into a relationship with someone I barely know.

Which makes me want to ask a question of the overconfident and immature males of SEN: What do you expect when you get into a relationship? Are you looking for "the one" or whatever? Or will you enter into a relationship with the intention of it being a short-term thing?




None.

Sep 3 2011, 8:17 pm Apos Post #9

I order you to forgive yourself!

There is no predefined amount of time.

Quote from Sacrieur
I voted for more, but honestly, let's establish some things.

1) Marriage is illogical, save for tax breaks. Promises in general are stupid. Circumstances can change unpredictably and having plans that are set in stone can really put a damper on what should be done. No one can predict the distant future with reliable accuracy, and you do not know if you will still feel the same way about said person twenty years from now as you may do now.

2) People change. Or should. My likes/dislikes may change, my personality, and my mental abilities. While some females will find my personality to be the sweetest or most charming thing ever, enough to be called, "the one", they assume that I will remain this way. Those who do not change, but keep in a state of stasis, are not worth anyone's time. It's ignoring that everything around us changes.

3) "The one" is a logical fallacy. It presumes that there is a "right" person, instead of better/worse matches. There can be a best match, but this whole thing is begging the question. It lies on the border of confusing best with perfect.

1) In life, you have to learn not to seek for constant joy. You have to seek for happiness. Sharing your life with one person is a way to reach that happiness. You are united.

2) Even people do change, it doesn't mean they suddenly can't stand each other. If something goes wrong somewhere, it can be worked out most of the time.

3) The path you take in life depends on the choices you took earlier on. You need to engage yourself. Most of the time, before your are engaged in a relationship, you get to know each other. Nothing is ever perfect. You will always need to wear you cross whatever you do.

It's hard for me to express my point of view perfectly as I am not native in English, but I hope you can see where I am getting to.




Sep 3 2011, 8:48 pm Sacrieur Post #10

Still Napping

Quote from DT_Battlekruser
Which makes me want to ask a question of the overconfident and immature males of SEN: What do you expect when you get into a relationship? Are you looking for "the one" or whatever? Or will you enter into a relationship with the intention of it being a short-term thing?

What is there to expect in a relationship? I do not desire a constant companionship, the idea of being in a relationship makes me feel trapped, even if I do like the girl in it. Snuggling on the bed/couch or w/e is not at all enticing.

For me, having a crush on a girl is not nearly as interesting as why. What qualities does she have that I am so attracted to? Usually, I get far more satisfaction seeing the girls I do have a crush on succeed and really go far rather than my being in a relationship with them.



None.

Sep 3 2011, 10:19 pm ubermctastic Post #11



Wait, you mean it's not like the movies where we fall in love at first sight, and then run away together as the sun sets behind us? :devlin:
My life is over.



None.

Sep 3 2011, 10:31 pm FatalException Post #12



I went with a year, but I'd probably say it's between there and two.
Quote from DT_Battlekruser
Which makes me want to ask a question of the overconfident and immature males of SEN: What do you expect when you get into a relationship? Are you looking for "the one" or whatever? Or will you enter into a relationship with the intention of it being a short-term thing?
I'm looking for "the one" or whatever because I'm too much of a damn nancy-boy, but you're not asking me because I'm not overconfident. D:



None.

Sep 3 2011, 10:56 pm rayNimagi Post #13



Guys, you're doing it all wrong. You're supposed to get married and then go on dates.



Win by luck, lose by skill.

Sep 4 2011, 12:04 am lil-Inferno Post #14

Just here for the pie

Quote from rayNimagi
Guys, you're doing it all wrong. You're supposed to get married and then go on dates.
You're doing it wrong too. Your parents are supposed to set you up with someone (preferably someone that you hate) to have children with so you can help propagate the Christian religion.




Sep 4 2011, 5:21 am Fire_Kame Post #15

a left leaning coexistence nut

Quote from DT_Battlekruser
Asking that question here, I can only assume you're trolling :P

In seriousness though, I voted a year. It should take a year or two for you to completely see and understand someone - and you don't necessarily have to be dating, but I suppose it makes it easier. Went with the shorter time because of the way you phrased the question, and personally, I am not going to get into a relationship with someone I barely know.

Which makes me want to ask a question of the overconfident and immature males of SEN: What do you expect when you get into a relationship? Are you looking for "the one" or whatever? Or will you enter into a relationship with the intention of it being a short-term thing?

Me? Troll? :awesome:

The only reason I said that I think being friends with someone and dating someone is a bit different is because judging by my bf's and my relationship it appears to be. I think we understand each other in different ways now that we're dating than when we were friends. That also might be a bit of a maturity issue too, though, because I have found myself very forthcoming around guys that I have no romantic interest in. I told a coworker today that I have no desire to "babysit" someone I'm dating (he had said that many women want a man that is a bit of a project, which I think that's true, I think women like to think they change someone), and I think that is a very personal thing to tell someone else.




Sep 4 2011, 7:29 am MillenniumArmy Post #16



I voted less because there is no such thing as needing to know someone at least X amount of years before determining that they are "the one." Now unless we're talking about something like in the movie "Tangled" where they meet the love of their lives in less than 24 hours, it really depends on how much time per day/week/month you spend with that significant other. As you get older, you'll have a better grasp of who you are and what you are looking for in life.

However, I will say this: IMO the best way to find out if they are the one is to live with them. Because if you have long term plans with him/her, you guys will eventually get married and live under the same roof. If you can stand living with them (i.e. their hygiene, habits, cleanliness, etc etc) then this is definitely someone you can eventually be with in the future.

Nobody is perfect, everybody has their flaws and shortcomings. In order to determine if someone is "the one," the most important condition you have to fulfill is to accept others for who they are.



None.

Sep 4 2011, 7:35 am Jack Post #17

>be faceless void >mfw I have no face

I know a couple that married after a week or two of meeting and dating each other and have been together for ~60 years; but they're fairly unusual and I'd say around six months would be long enough to get to know someone well.
Quote
However, I will say this: IMO the best way to find out if they are the one is to live with them. Because if you have long term plans with him/her, you guys will eventually get married and live under the same roof. If you can stand living with them (i.e. their hygiene, habits, cleanliness, etc etc) then this is definitely someone you can eventually be with in the future.
Aren't you a Christian?



Red classic.

"In short, their absurdities are so extreme that it is painful even to quote them."

Sep 4 2011, 7:36 am MillenniumArmy Post #18



What does that have to do with anything?



None.

Sep 4 2011, 7:39 am Jack Post #19

>be faceless void >mfw I have no face

[sup]
Quote from MillenniumArmy
What does that have to do with anything?
Promoting living with someone before marrying them is not a Christian thing; the Bible pretty clearly is against living together without being married.



Red classic.

"In short, their absurdities are so extreme that it is painful even to quote them."

Sep 4 2011, 7:47 am MillenniumArmy Post #20



Well if you're talking about fornication then yes. What I mean by "living together" is seeing how you guys manage each other. For instance, your college roommates - If you have a roommate who never washes his dishes, leaves clothes everywhere, have extremely gross/irritable habits or always leaves hair/dirt all over the place, that's going to get on your nerves.



None.

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