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More shitty depressed stuff
Nov 3 2010, 11:53 pm
By: Sand Wraith  

Nov 3 2010, 11:53 pm Sand Wraith Post #1

she/her

I swear, it is.

In any case, around that time of March 2010 to around June (I think), I thought everything sucked shit and I should kill myself and got depressed and hipsterfag, so here's some stuff I wrote during that time.

NOW, I SEE THIS WORLD WITH MY EYES WIDE OPEN.
or something
:hurr:

-

Code
The Wall of Pain

I climb this wall
This wall of pain
Again and again
I pass over it
And then turn around
And climb it again
Each time I put my hand out
My fingers are bitten
Each time I lift my foot
My soles are stabbed
Each time I look up
My mind is crushed,
Because I climb this wall
This wall of pain
And I canít stop
Because there is no end
To the wall of pain.


-

Code
Paradise

Walking through the streets of Paradise. Smiling up at the sky. Glad, 'cause I've got gun in hand and victims at sides. Look around, and see, happy faces, joyful faces. Imaginary people. People who don't, in reality, exist. 'Cause they're happy, and I don't know "happy." Just hate for these plastic people. That's all I know; hate and misery. So, that's why I heft my gun, my black, shooting stick of peace. Shotgun diplomacy.

 And now there's blood on the streets of Paradise. Smiling down at the rivers of blood. 'Cause I f*cking hate these illusions, these mocking ghosts of desire. Desire, of which I have much of, but right now, mostly of death and destruction. And in my hand, my instrument of them, an apparatus of science to pull back the false curtains, the lies, and reveal the truth. There's only hate and misery, and I've in my mind the desire to share that singular truth. Hate and misery, death and destruction.

 Corpses litter the streets of Paradise, rotting piles of flesh. There's only rot and decay anyway in this world. Here and now, I share the pestilence with the imaginary people of Paradise, 'cause that's all there is to existence; rot and decay into stagnating pools of flesh and blood. Dead by the touch of the bullet, the kiss from my gun. I love the rot and decay, so I share it amongst the plastic people of Paradise. I f*cking hate lies and liars. And these fake abominations before me are both. A kiss upon the forehead, leave a bloody mark, from the barrel of my instrument of death.

 I'm not on the streets of Paradise. I'm in Hell, and I'm bringing the saving truth to the masses, the blinded masses, and I'm stealing away the false curtains from their eyes. I'll bring rot and decay to this stagnant world, and it's happening now.

 Hate and misery upon the false Paradise; it's f*cking Hell, you see? But you don't see. 'Cause Paradise doesn't exist; Hell is existence. Now, the let the touch of the bullet relieve you of the hate and misery, the rot and decay.

 There's death and destruction in Paradise, and now it's f*cking Hell.


-

Code
Entertainment

Entertainment, enter amusement
Playing a game, finding a ditty
A passing moment, the remark that is witty
Every moment ecstasy, every day abandonment
But looking back now
It was all
Really
Really
Boring.


-

Code
I Feel Like Sh*t

I made this Ďcause I felt like sh*t. I still do. ([name], since I may as well savour the narcissism. F*ck you.)
I feel like sh*t.
Iím not too sure WHY I feel like sh*t. But I do.
I have an idea as to WHY I feel like sh*t.
It might have something to do with self-insignificance.
Perhaps I feel insignificant? I donít really think so.
Perhaps I feel ignored? Maybe.
Perhaps I feel like Iím a sh*tface? Yea, probably.
Why?
Probably because of my failing health.
My failing grades.
My failing psychological state, failing mental state.
Feel like sh*t.
ĎCause Iíve made myself apart from others? Yea.
ĎCause I hate others? Yea.
I hate myself because I hate others. Yea.
I hate myself because I hate myself. Yea.
I hate everything else? Not really.
I still feel like sh*t.
Iíve been treating my friends badly because Iíve been feeling like sh*t.
I feel like sh*t because Iíve been treating my friends badly.
So I feel like sh*t.
And I feel like sh*t because Iím treating my family terribly.
And I treat my family terribly because I feel like sh*t.
I donít care because I feel like sh*t, but I feel like sh*t because I donít care.
I feel like sh*t because I canít explain why I feel like sh*t.
And I feel like sh*t because I donít know why I feel like sh*t.
Because now I think I feel like sh*t
Because I am sh*t
ĎCause Iíve already lost my f*cking mind and I feel like sh*t
All the time
Like shit.
(P.S.
I probably wonít ever open this document again
ĎCause Iím sh*t.
And even if I do, Iíll feel embarrassed Ďn sh*t
ĎCause Iím shit.)

shit

-

Code
Waste Away

Waste away into decadence.
Rot away and die, collapse, just as the decayed husks of that which is long dead.
The sores upon the universe, you, despicable humans, fester and die. Stagnate in your own filth and incompetence.
Exist in malcontentedness, in satisfaction of being flesh heaps, mindless, merely tubs of chemicals, stirring pots of Chaos and disorder.
Decay, and die, mortal, weakling, vulnerable in flesh and mind, soulless contraption.
You are not human, not man, not woman, not child, but beast, an animal, disgusting. Return to dirt and ash, cretin.
Your will is silly, efforts fruitless. Pass away into nonexistence and surrender life to the eternal apocalypse, pass away and die.


-

Code
"Abandon All Hope, Mortal

Abandon all hope, mortal, and flee recklessly into the abyss.
Abandon all woe, mortal, and run, arms open, into the peace of the abyss.
Abandon all fatigue, mortal, and fall listlessly into the dark of the abyss.
There, mortal, within the abyss, find eternal happiness, peace, and rest. There, mortal, you will never again feel sadness, dissidence, nor pain.
Dive, mortal, headlong into the abyss, never again to do, feel, or think. Become one with the abyss, heaven, and hell.
Sooner or later, mortal, you shall fall into the abyss. At that time, you will decide what to abandon and what to savour.
Abandon all hope, mortal, of escaping the end-fate of all, the abyss."





Nov 4 2010, 12:51 am ClansAreForGays Post #2



Some of this is really cliche("Everyone's phony but meeeee!"), but alot of it is surprisingly novel! (entertainment)

Sorry I don't have time to detail me likes and dislikes (writing something myself). Just wanted you to know it exceeded my expectations.




Nov 4 2010, 1:05 am Sand Wraith Post #3

she/her

I just wrote how I felt, nothing more, nothing less. I probably lost track of some things here and there, but I wrote one other thing in the midst of my period.

Here's something I worked on WHILE I had my period: Rickterschmitien Factor of Existence

I don't recall however much I added, but I did add to it. Certainly wouldn't mind some feedback on Rickterschmitien; although I never finished it (and don't really intend to; pretty exhausting to add anything to it for me).




Nov 8 2010, 12:32 am BiOAtK Post #4



I really REALLY like Entertainment, The Wall of Pain, and Abandon All Hope.
Entertainment signifies the utterly stupid aspect of life to me, and the ridiculous and utterly pointless attempt at stopping boredom, for no reason at all. I really enjoy it at both a personal and poetic level.
The Wall of Pain shows your self-inflicted yet indefinite pain and the monotonicity of your life, to me. I agree with it whole-heartedly.
Abandon All Hope just makes me truly feel the bleakness and unchangeable end of life. It is almost exactly how I think.



None.

Nov 8 2010, 8:24 am Azrael Post #5



You must have been fun to be around.




Nov 8 2010, 8:47 am Sand Wraith Post #6

she/her

I was a lot more withdrawn and more irritable, but mostly withdrawn and depressed.

As in the moment I got home I would go to my bed and lie down wishing to disappear or die until I fall asleep and when I awoke I would ask myself why I still exist.

Kinda sucked. :l




Nov 8 2010, 8:57 am Azrael Post #7



What happened? Did you get better or get medicated?




Nov 8 2010, 9:10 am Sand Wraith Post #8

she/her

I guess I got better (or so one could say).

Sometimes, I feel like I still flit about the threshold between normality and despair.
Or, like I'm spinning around violently on a precipice overlooking a deep Hell of a chasm that I once was in (but would rather not return to).

But I'm dealing with it all right as of yet. I'm trying out a new principle/approach to life, it being accepting that life can suck a cock, but I may as well enjoy the temporariness and just do whatever the Hell I want at whatever time I wish.
It's working out all right so far, but I am procrastinating a lot of work (bad, but hasn't really gotten me into any big trouble so far).




Feb 4 2011, 1:53 am Sand Wraith Post #9

she/her

I thought I got over it

hahahaha

ithoughtigotoverit

hahahaha

hahahaha


Code
The Wall of Pain 2

Before me is the wall of pain
A wall of bricks once again
Blocking my way
Forcing my stay
Once again
This wall of pain
Against my bane
Withstands the rain
Nothing to gain
Nor retain
Am I still sane?
Or is it all a feign?
If I were maimed
Would I leave a stain?
I hope this wall
On me shall fall

fuck rhymes.





Feb 7 2011, 5:14 pm CaptainWill Post #10



I laughed a lot at the topic title and subtitle.



None.

May 21 2011, 9:30 pm ubermctastic Post #11



Hey, on the topic of crappy depressing poetry, I've got something to add!!!
Wrote this today, because I fell in love with a girl who I thought loved me back.

The world is built upon lies.
All the things I despise.
Everyone wears a disguise.
Hiding themselves from your eyes.

Open your eyes, open your hearts.
See all the lies, topping the charts.
There's no going back, not now, it's to late.
All you've got now is the crap you'll regret.

Don't let go, don't give in.
There's people watching, looking in,
waiting for your next mistake,
looking for what they can take.

When it's over then you'll see.
You thought you'd never envy me.
I've got the truth, I'm holding strong.
Someday soon you'll see you're wrong.

Post has been edited 1 time(s), last time on May 21 2011, 11:33 pm by K_A.



None.

May 21 2011, 10:00 pm EzTerix Post #12







None.

May 21 2011, 11:15 pm Phobos Post #13

Are you sure about that?

Smiles and her laughter; the only thing that I've been waiting for.



this is signature

May 21 2011, 11:31 pm ubermctastic Post #14



Heh heh thanks guys for reading this. Writing helps me get over things like this :)



None.

May 22 2011, 3:48 am TiKels Post #15



Quote from EzTerix
The guy from Skrillex is singing that song.



"If a topic that clearly interest noone needs to be closed to underline the "we don't want this here" message, is up to debate."

-NudeRaider

May 22 2011, 5:24 pm EzTerix Post #16



Quote from TiKels
Quote from EzTerix
The guy from Skrillex is singing that song.

who knew depressed angsty emos could make some hardcore filthy dubstep? THERE'S HOPE



None.

May 25 2011, 4:01 am Sand Wraith Post #17

she/her

Quote from EzTerix
Quote from TiKels
Quote from EzTerix
The guy from Skrillex is singing that song.

who knew depressed angsty emos could make some hardcore filthy dubstep? THERE'S HOPE

THE ONLY EMOTION I CAN TRULY GRASP IS ANGER.
No, really, all singers and songs that sound like that are terrible to me. Sounds so... not whatever they're trying to go for, I think.

-

Here's to depression; from my darker days, I bring you the following. (I've since gotten better; meds and all, bad for gaming though.)

Quote
_The Nightmare 16: Conceit and Reality_

The sky, one of steel or obsidian, shades of grey and black. The belly of heaven, scraped by human architectures, baneful towers of pride. Streets of an iron metropolis, deserted; no sunlight reaches the ground, and all is monochrome and bleak.
††Upon a small, humble home's roof I stand. I see the empty roads before me, apartments and business buildings around me - their windows are vistas of nothingness. Hollow prides.
††Faces and images, memories and philosophies orbit me.
††But I won't take them. None are mine, none shall be. I do not want them. I detest them - let them fade to ash upon the winds! I reject it all, as this world is not for me. They call me out, a lazy bum, a slob, useless, weak, incapable. A dreamer. I won't accept any of it - I reject it all.
††I don't like any of this, so let it all turn to dust. I don't like any of this, so let it all be carried away by a deathly wind.
††The worlds around me stare accusations and insults into me. I can't stand it. But before my very eyes, my fingers turn to sand, carried away upon silence. My material body, slowly whisked away. The world turns to black, a grey world becoming darker. Slowly, slowly, I dissolve.
††I reject it all. Now, all to dust, all to black. Disappear, abject soul.
††All to dust, all to black. None shall remember you.
††All to dust, all to black. The rejected world fades away.
††All to dust, all to black. Annihilation delivers.
††All to dust, all to black. Nothing remains.
††All to dust, all to black.

One of my better ones, I think.

Quote
_The Nightmare 17: Burial_

Buried beneath the ground
As deep in the soil as that which is set in stone
Buried by memories of sights and sounds, tastes and feelings
Is a dead ghost, dead as dead dreams

Dig the hole deep
Deeper until we reach the dead's haven
Where damned deeds and damned men
Are but dead dregs, discarded dolls, and destroyed remnants

Dig deeper through the earth
Until fire and brimstone are all around us
Yet dig deeper for we've not†dug deep enough
Dig until all around us is a dark desert, desolate shade, and dead skies

Here is where there is nothing
Here where there is no light nor dark
And all is imperceptible
The numbness of a tomb within a grave

Here is where there shall be
One last sleep for the dead ghost
Who hadn't a ghost of a chance in life
And now is not even a ghost of a ghost, thus a dead ghost

Here shall be where the dead ghost is laid to rest
In a tomb within a grave that lies beneath the Underworld
In the deepest depths of despair, a dead world
A world filled with the forgotten dead, dead ghosts


All we know is but one dead ghost
Who will now become deader than dead
Whose defiled existence will be purged to the core
And†a†barely†remembered ghost of a ghost becomes naught


And†we'll†forget†about†this†tomb†within†a†grave
As†we†escape back to the surface
Above the grave of graves, above the forsaken caverns
Above the restful dead, and once more above the soil within which they rest


Forget about the ghost of a ghost
That lies beneath the earth and Hell itself
Buried by dead memories that we relinquish
Torch it all and†to ashes burn the splinters


Take the ashes and cast them into the wind
Cast the ashes into the seas, take no rest
Until at last the task is complete
And none are left to mourn, and there is nothing left to mourn over


Burial.





May 27 2011, 1:37 am TiKels Post #18



A love poem.... I sent this to the girl I loved.




Roses are red

Violets are blue

I suck at poems

Nice tits.



"If a topic that clearly interest noone needs to be closed to underline the "we don't want this here" message, is up to debate."

-NudeRaider

May 27 2011, 5:24 pm Sand Wraith Post #19

she/her

lol srs? I like it. gj +1




Jul 25 2011, 7:03 pm Sand Wraith Post #20

she/her

Below is the most angsty shit I've written so far.

My gut actually kinda twists a bit when I read it, now that I'm on pills and all and I can think a bit clearer.

-

I kind of wish - no, nothing. It's nothing.
It's nothing.

De. Ca. Dence.
I am draped in loathing and hatred. Once more, I've dipped into the stagnant pool of ichor within my heart. I exude a venomous gaze as the dagger forged from Hades' excrement drenched in poison propagates a repulsively deathly aura. Rags of envy cling to my sickly frame. Fleeting dreams flit about me as annoying flies; the flies exist only to remind me of how deep I've sunken. I live in a well. I live in my own filth. I'm a skeleton. I'm a ghoul. And I look up, beyond rusted iron grates. My sight provides me a scathing image, one that grates my heart and opens rotting wounds.
Other people. Above me. Other people. Below me. Other people. Around me. I swear and curse, scream and howl. My throat explodes with acrid sounds, hissing death, baneful growls.
If only my hatred could be incarnated. If only my hatred could be made manifest. If only my hatred alone could burn you all to ashes, with which I may feed the tumultuous sea within my heart. I wish I could kill you all. That I was strong enough to grasp the handles of my imaginary knives and plunge my stakes of steel into your thieving bodies, vampires of my happiness. I wish I was strong enough.
But I am weak. I am decrepit. I have spent so long crawling upon all fours and licking your spittle to satisfy my thirst that I have decayed. I've atrophied.
So now, all I can do is gaze out of my hole dug deep into the meaninglessness and wish that my deep-seated hate will one day come forth and rip me apart, open up my bowels, skewer my limbs, feast on my flesh, accept my blood as sacrifice, and bring upon all an inferno of retribution, so that the skies are peeled away, the seas heave and bend knee, the earth is incinerated, and the festering wounds of the world burst open and unleash such terrible plagues that all of your minds are shattered and your bodies are broken, enslaved by the hatred, my hatred, that I have reserved for all life, and finally, at last, so that you will suffer as I have, know the terror of defeat, the horror that comes from the realization that you are weak and powerless, the all-consuming rage that threatens your sanity, the septic waste that resides in the pit of despair that you dig for yourself in a futile attempt to save the vile frame of your villainous mind, the wasting away in front of those who you thought were allies, and the knowledge that you are a coward too helpless to change anything.
But until that day comes, here I will sit in my well, only to gaze out at a pitifully small world and hate. And hate. And hate. And HATE.

UNTIL AT LAST
I HAVE HATED ALL THAT CAN BE HATED
AND
I HAVE HATED AS MUCH AS I CAN HATE
AND
MY WRATH FEEDS UPON MY BONES
AT THIS LOCUS IN TIME
I WILL AT LAST
PERHAPS
BE ABLE TO MUSTER THE STRENGTH
TO FINISH IT
ONCE AND ONLY ONCE
FOR MYSELF ONLY
THIS STUPID FA«ADE
UNTIL
AT LONg last
I can grace my hands
with the stick of my neck
and squeeze
and squeeeeze
and squeeeeeeeeze
and squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze
aaaannnndddd ssssqqqquuuueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

What do I wish for? I dunno. World peace?
Hahahaha.
That was my joke. But you'll never know. I'll never tell you. I wouldn't dare think of hurting you with the truth!

Just.
Don't.
Touch.
Me.




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[2022-9-25. : 1:09 am]
lil-Inferno -- o tru
[2022-9-25. : 12:57 am]
Ultraviolet -- the fake death of nuclearrabbit
[2022-9-25. : 12:15 am]
lil-Inferno -- Map night is at the top but I'll add donuts
[2022-9-25. : 12:15 am]
lil-Inferno -- Ultraviolet
Ultraviolet shouted: how is mental anguish SEN specific? lol
"Mental anguish" was commonly cited as a reason for banning someone in The Void
[2022-9-24. : 11:58 pm]
Ultraviolet -- also what about donuts and map night
[2022-9-24. : 11:57 pm]
Ultraviolet -- how is mental anguish SEN specific? lol
[2022-9-24. : 11:44 pm]
lil-Inferno -- I added a bunch of shit
[2022-9-24. : 11:19 pm]
Ultraviolet -- *grumbles about being continuously proven wrong*
[2022-9-24. : 11:17 pm]
lil-Inferno -- Ultraviolet
Ultraviolet shouted: lil-Inferno -> SEN specific -> Maplantis :rolleyes:
Maplantis was important in SEN's history and literally created by SEN's creator xd
[2022-9-24. : 11:04 pm]
NudeRaider -- Ultraviolet
Ultraviolet shouted: lil-Inferno -> SEN specific -> Maplantis :rolleyes:
we did host static maplantis for quite a while
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