10 Good Reasons for You to Date and Marry an Engineer
1. The world does not revolve around us. We choose the coordinate system.
2. No "couple" could enjoy a better "moment."
3. We know how to handle stress and strain in a relationship.
4. We have significant figures.
5. EK 301: The motion of rigid bodies.
6. Projectile motion: Need we say more?
7. Engineers do it to specifications.
8. According to Newton, if two bodies interact, the forces are equal and opposite.
9. We know it's not the length of the vector that counts, but how you apply the force.
10. We know the right hand rule.
Cubicle One-Liners
1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.
2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.
3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.
6. If at first you don't succeed--try management.
7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
8. Never quit... until you have another job.
9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!
10. Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
11. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.
12. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.
An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer - You're in the wrong place."
Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the phone and says with a sneer,"So, how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should never have gotten down there. Send him back up."
Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."
God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue!"
Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEERING MAJOR IF...
... you have no life - and can prove it mathematically
... you enjoy pain
... you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division
... you chuckle whenever someone says "centrifugal force"
... you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator
... when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major
... it is sunny and 70 degrees outside and you are on a computer
... you frequently whistle the theme to "MacGyver"
... you always do homework on Friday nights
... you know how to integrate a chicken and take a derivative of water
... you think in "math"
... you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges
... you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function
... you have a pet named after a scientist
... you laugh at jokes about mathematicians
... the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment
... you can translate English into Binary
... you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building marked "EXIT"
... you have to bring a jacket with you in the middle of summer because there's a wind chill factor in the lab
... you are completely addicted to caffeine
... you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe
... you consider any non-science course "easy"
... when the professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely that according to Heisenberg, it could be anywhere in the universe
... the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use
... you'll assume a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier
... you understood more than five of these indicators
... you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your d
Engineers make the best mates. When choosing a mate, compare these other professionals to engineers
DOCTORS
Supposedly, all women are after a Doctor, so don't expect your relationship to last more than 5 years. Eventually, he'll run off with some nurse from his office, or one of his young women patients that is pretending to be sick. He'll wait until you are stuck with a few kids to do this. This is not a problem with your Engineer husband. He had a hard enough time meeting you. It is unlikely he'll ever meet another woman in his profession.
LAWYERS
Do you seriously expect an honest, trusting relationship with someone who gets paid for lying? Once again, this is not a problem with you Engineer spouse. He doesn't have enough social skills to lie convincingly. An additional drawback to marrying a lawyer is when the divorce happens, you will get nothing.
SALESMEN
See honesty segment under "LAWYERS." Plus, he will be traveling to trade shows, etc. where he will be in the company of other equally trustworhty individuals. Don't be surprised when you get the invitation to show up on the Ricki Lake show. The company that your Engineer husband works at will keep him in a cage, often called a cubicle, until he is ready to go home to you.
HAZARDOUS PROFESSIONS (POLICE OFFICER, FIREMAN, CONSTRUCTION WORKER)
Your husband, if not dead by some accident, will face daily severe injury. The worst thing your Engineer will face is losing his eyesight by staring at the terminal for too long. This hazard actually has some benefits. For one, he will notice that you are getting older, since you will be a blur. He will remember you as when he first met you, because the memory will still be sharp, and when you ask, "Honey, were you looking at her?" he'll honestly be able to say that he didn't even see her.
TEACHER
The only reason he entered this profession is so that he could be surrounded by newly post-pubescent girls who idolize him. He'll be in jail soon, and then you'll have to look for another man.
What does 2 2=?
An accountant will say "What do you want the answer to be?"
A mathematician will say "I believe it is 4, but I will have to prove it."
A statistician will say "The population is too small to give an accurate answer, but on the basis of the data supplied the answer lies between 3 and 5."
An economist will say "Based on today's thinking, the answer is 4 but the answer may be different tomorrow".
An engineer will say "The answer is 4, but adding a safety factor we will call it 5".
On a train to a large computer convention, there was a bunch of computer programmers and a bunch of computer engineers. Each of the programmers had a train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The programmers started laughing, figuring the engineers were going to get caught and thrown off the train.
When one of the engineers, the lookout, said, "Here comes the conductor," all of the engineers went into the bathroom. The programmers were puzzled.
The conductor came aboard, said, "Tickets, please," and got tickets from all the computer programmers. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said, "Ticket, please." The engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and moved on. A few minutes later, the engineers came out of the bathroom. The programmers felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of programmers decided that they would try that method, too. They bought one ticket for the whole group. They met up with the engineers in the same car.
Again, the programmers started snickering at the engineers. This time, NONE of the engineers had tickets. When the lookout said, "Conductor coming!" all the engineers went to one bathroom and all the computer programmers went to the other bathroom.
Before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left their bathroom, knocked on the programmers bathroom and said, "Ticket, please."
Dan, we might have to appoint you a Null mod.
Keep on. MA's jokes were really neat.