Update incoming. Stand by...
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You blast off from your bed like a rocket from its launch pad and race to the washroom, sweat pouring profusely from your pores. As you tumble down the hall, a groan like none heard by man emanates from the deepest recesses of your bowels. You slam the door open and you barely manage to position your bottom over the toilet before a gush of liquid chocolate pours out of your behind. You don't handle oily foods well.
The relief you feel is almost orgasmic.
You whip out your cell phone from nowhere and call your consultant.
"What can I do for you, Mr. Bamph?" asks your consultant. You moan your request, your almost-orgasmic relief still holding you in its grip.
"Er, one second..."
As you listen to your consultant, you begin to ponder how you retrieved your cell phone from thin air. You forget to wipe yourself.
Afterwards, you go to your computer and sit down. You feel as if your seat is a bit moist, so you get up and examine your chair. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, you sit back down. Squish.
Ignoring the sound, you proceed to sell short and make big buxx.
You earn $200.
After taking a shower and changing into new clothes, you eat a meal of scrambled eggs with ketchup and bread. Delicious.
You leave for school. On your way to class, you spot a pack of gum. You take it from the pile of trash sitting inside a garbage bin. There are still 3 pieces in it. How fortunate!
As you pull it from the trash, you feel significant resistance. When you finally dislodge the pack of gum, a cat bursts out of the rubbish along with the gum.
The cat promptly attacks you.
Cat has pre-emptive strike! Cat scratches you for 5 damage.
Your turn. You throw cat to the ground for 10 damage. (It appears your throw is only twice as strong as the cat's scratch.)
Cat's turn. Cat bites you for 6 damage.
You start bleeding!
You have contracted dormant rabies virus.
Your turn. You step on cat's neck for 15 damage.
You paralyze the cat.
Cat is paralyzed.
You stop bleeding.
Your turn. You stomp on cat's head for 30 damage. The sudden application of massive pressure causes cat's head to explode. Blood splatters all around your foot.
Cat dies.
Victory: +65 XP.
Congratulations! You are now level 2.
You contemplate the meaning of cat life. The horror that envelops you destroys your good mood, annihilates your personality, and transforms you into a sulking, disenfranchised, vulnerable boy.
You have developed major depression.
You cry deeply, wondering about how the cat you just killed probably left behind a cat family with a cat wife and nine cat children. Who would do this!? What cruel machinations does the Man employ? What systems perpetuate such injustice?
When you finally stop crying, you blow your nose into your sleeve. You shake your head, pocketing the pack of gum. As you walk, a trail of blood follows you. You wipe it all off by the time you reach class.
There is now a bloody streak originating from the trash can where you found the gum leading to the door of your classroom.
As you walk in, the teacher stops her lecture and scolds you.
"Michael, where have you been? You're 10 minutes late!"
You realize that you had been crying in place for 15 minutes after you killed the cat father.
You tear up again and choke out an apology.
The teacher's fiery eyes soften as she looks at you.
"I'll... let it slide this time. Come on, we're reading Macbeth today. Do you have your book?"
You nod and take a seat between a boy and a girl.
The boy, to the left, is a good friend of yours. His name is Kako. He's actually 16. He skipped two grades in the past, which is why he is in your 12th year English course. You befriended him in his first week of high school, when you were in grade 10. He was being bullied for being so young, somewhat immature, and having long hair, so you had stepped in, feeling sorry for the kid. One thing led to another and now the two of you are good friends, frequently hanging out during lunch and after school.
(Now that you think about it, you recall that you were held back a year because you had gone travelling with your family during your 11th grade, so you had to repeat the grade. This would be the second year you two were in the same grade.)
The girl, sitting at your right, is Mary. She's your homeroom's class rep, a part of the athletic and leadership councils, and a grade A student. You two have shared many courses last year. You've worked with her in a physics project before, and the two of you received the highest evaluation out of the class. You call each other friends and work well together, but unbeknowest to her, you actually intend to invite her to come with you to your high school's senior prom at the end of the year. Although, you two have never really had a chance to have a good chat outside of school, so you do feel a bit nervous.
Mary is listening intently to the teacher's notes about Macbeth and writing her own notes.
Kako casts a worried look at you. You give him a weak smile and reach into your bag for your copy of Macbeth.
Uh oh. It's missing. You immediately mentally scream, "DID I LOSE IT?" Calming down slightly, you realize that you had left it by your bed. You were reading it while you were munching on cheese and nachos.
You almost breathe a sigh of relief.
But it's not okay.
As you exhale, your sigh becomes one of despondency.
Why did this happen to you? How could you have forgotten your book? Now your teacher will kill you, African children will starve, the cat father's cat family will starve, the African children will eat the cat father's cat family, and your parents will disown you! Woe is you! Such cruelty and malice! How can any of these fools live with this knowledge?!
An epiphany dawns over you. They don't know what you know.
None of them know the pain and suffering within you and around you.Perturbations!
"Michael, are you okay? You're trembling..."
Kako is talking to you. You realize now that your fists are clenched and your breathing is coming hard. He has his arm half out-stretched toward you, hovering, hesitating.
What do you do?
[] "Kako... What is a man?"
[] Look down in shame. You're so beta. Why don't you just kill yourself?
[] Smile and ask him what's wrong.
[] Pretend to sleep.
((The more I write, the more I feel like I should just three-quarters-railroad this like a Choose Your Own Adventure story. Eh. Thoughts?))
Post has been edited 2 time(s), last time on Sep 11 2012, 4:59 am by Sand Wraith.
