You awake alone in the middle of what you believe is a desert.
It is hard to tell how big or small the desert is, mostly because it all looks the same, possibly due to the fact that you lost your glasses, or a mirage, or some sort of distortion.
You are suddenly grateful for the dorky highlighted spiked hair that friends and family used to make fun of you for. It makes you stick out like a sore thumb. Perhaps an airplane will see you one day.



You are thirsty. You could move and expend energy, hoping you'll come across water of some sort. Or you could stay put and die.

Stay put and die.

Also, that scale implies our head is just less than a mile long?

You decide to wait, hoping that you will wise up, or become so delirious with dehydration you wander off on your own accord.

Also, atmospheric distortion.

Search for cacti.

Head north.

Nono. Cactus.....juice is poisonous.

Did I say anything about eating it?

You head north in your search for cacti.

Examine the green pigment to our northeast.

Very common misconception; some cacti are poisonous while other species of cactus can hold water even some with edible fruit. However my top survival rule is when in doubt don't eat it.

Anyway go east.

Huh, that's neat.

Fap til death.

>Go east.
>Enter name: Zoosmell Pooplord

Wait for sunrise.

Blacksheepwall.

Also, head north.

The sun will set soon.

Uh oh.
Go around the green object to the west, while examining the green object while looking for something to drink and sth to protect you from the omgwtf desert nighttime cold.

Engage target, weapons free. Call in strike package delta, AC-130 gunship support.

Journey to the center of the Earth