You died, but scientists revived you back to life and you are now stuck in a zoo now, called the "Zombie Man"

I wish for a pie flavored pie

granted, but a dog made off with the pie before you could get a bite.
i wish my tf2 would stop stuttering

I wish I could win the game!

Granted, but you are prompty removed (ie. banned) from this universe being that you resolved a paradox.

I wish for an Xbox 360 that would not arbitrarily die as my past two have.

(Bumped)

Granted. The red ring of death no longer attacks the Xbox, but attacks you.

I wish that whenever new characters are introduced into LoL, people don't feel the need to buy them to prove they are the best, for a couple minutes.

Granted. They no longer need to prove they're the best, and they're all better than you.

My singing voice is pretty good, but I wish it was just a little bit better.

Sure, sure. Sure. But you're doomed to repitition of the same songs day after day for ever and ever and ever. And ever.
And ever.
I wish I was funny enough that a repitition joke wasn't the peak of my inventiveness.

Granted. But you're so funny that EVERYBODY YOU TELL A JOKE TO DIES. WHICH IS NOT FUNNY. AND YOU GET SUED FOR WRONGFUL DEATH. AND LOSE. AND END UP HOMELESS ON THE STREET, TOO TERRIFIED TO EVER ATTEMPT TO BRIGHTEN UP A PERSON'S DAY EVER AGAIN.

I wish I had thought of some way to emphasize that other than caps.

Granted; however you promply esplode as a resolution to the inherent problem of duplicate entities (assuming that your time travel does not simply create a parallel universe).

Answering these is a little too extreme, eh?
I wish I would finally maximize a game I started about an hour ago but never played.
Edit: I wish my game hadn't crashed the instant I tried to maximize it.

Granted, it crashed the after the instant you minimized it.

I wish that steam would let me download Alien Swarm. My computer can run it, I know that.

Granted, but your account is turned over to me owing to the fact that I was just thinking about that game as I answered this. You're also condemned to a perpetual series of failures in real life and gaming. All because you exist.

I wish I had Alien Swarm.

Edit: also, try closing and re-opening Steam, and try again in about an hour if that doesn't work. Usually, that'll resolve it.

Granted, but the moment before you download it, Valve decides it needs to cost $100 because it's that popular.

I wish that the town would lynch devilesk in his mafia game.

I don't think we'll ever be able to corrupt this one...it looks good to me from every angle.

I wish people would realize that Alien Swarm isn't as hot as it looks. L4D2 is better.

L4D2 isn't all that; the Versus is nothing compared to its predecessor and that's most of what makes it awesome.

I only just now discovered it's free. FML.

Granted. Instead, everyone starts to play Pong.

I wish we could play Diplomacy IRL with exactly 7 players for once.

OFFTOPIC:

Your opinion of course, however I'd like to take this opportunity to say "Bite me, l4d2 can suck it."

Please continue.

Granted, but you lose within the first 5 minutes.

I wish Carbonite was finished.

Granted, but the HTML sucks. It takes over 9000 hours to load.

I wish I could make an actual contribution in Mafia.

Granted. You get to be a fool in rayNimagi's Hypermafia.

I wish I will make State this year.

Granted. You create a state. It gets conquered by the Chinese. Enjoy your Great Firewall. >:3

I wish I knew what part of SEN to start editing next! There's so much work to be done.